Your love is like eating too much spicy Mexican food
Today is Friday the 13th!
Run around and do stuff. More importantly, harass your friends who refuse to go out on the 13th. Leave dead bats on their doorstep.
Flying AIDS News
The masks are back!
Wear them in your house!
The employers who demanded you come back are hearing you won't.
School mask battles rage on as more children fall ill, fill hospitalsCovid booster: US approves third jab for the immunocompromised (I can't wait for the 4th)
Reddit Quarantines AntiMask Antivax Subreddit (keep that control absolute
In the first example of its kind, a virus has skipped from the IT press to humans.
It's the FUD virus. FUD is Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, initially referring to nonsense stirred up by an entity with something to gain in the IT field. It hopped from IT press to humans in 2020. It makes so much noise that people have no idea what the truth is, and blindly follow an alleged authority. They stop thinking and don't bother to do their homework. Symptoms include mask mandates, compulsory vaccines, social distancing, schooling at home, and repeating the word "science," even if you don't know what that word means. Also may involve repeating phrases mindlessly, like "mask up." Can also involve vaccine passports.
Recently seen is the FUD-D virus, which has already morphed from the FUD virus, causing the entire symptomatology to return again, from the top.
Today in Olympic News: one country is arguing with another country about uniform colors, a one time final winner-take-all grudge match between the trans and (sadly) not-trans athletes. The winner will make up everybody's Olympic team from here on.
- didja ever get a snake up your nose?
- me either
Today I identify as Napoleon
That's Our President, episode 43
- Conservative radio host and vaccine critic dies of covid-19 complications
- oopsie
An Australian brewery has been banned from promoting one of its beers, after a minor mistook it for chocolate milk.
Not related: all parents in Australia have suddenly disappeared
- Oregon Law Allows Students To Graduate Without Proving They Can Write Or Do Math
- Oregon parents ask "..and this is different how?"
- Oregon's graduation rate is nearly the lowest in the country, so this is to raise the rates.
Looking at my inbox at work, it's pretty damn clean from my coworkers. Unfortunately it's absolutely gummed up from the company. While my group may publish 10 emails per week, all relevant, my company will send 50, mostly irrelevant. And then when it's done sending them out, on Friday it sends out a recap of the week's messages. No one knows why. I wonder if they get a discount for using more space.
You know, highly relevant stuff, like Martian Astronaut History Month. We're also concerned, for no understandable reason, with what other groups in the company are up to. That custodial got a new riding mower should be kept on a Need to Know basis, and I have no Need to Know. If we're changing our phone system in another office, I worked really diligently but couldn't come up with any way it could possibly affect my group. Let's also consider that most of us work remotely, so any phone system news wouldn't be Need to Know. Likely anything about sexual harassment. Not only can't we harass anyone if we're not in the office, I already know all about sexual harassment. It has been mentioned that I should run the courses (but not as a HOW TO).
And there's still that one guy in my group. The guy who's quite a bit more experienced (smarter) than me, who still pronounces 'malware' as 'mallware.' I've never heard of mallware, but I'll bet my wife has.
After forcing my group to read this blog, plus a series of meetings where we point it out and laugh at people, we have the oral noises down to just teeth-sucking. This is a great improvement in meetings over grunting, coughing, whistling, teeth-sucking, pencil tapping on teeth, and belching.
But I like these people. Ok, going out for a beer after work would cost $16,372 in plane fare, but they're good people. Yes, some of them have questionable hobbies that involve livestock, but they're all really nice to each other. As you'd expect, the women are more gross than the men, but we take care of each other.
I just came out of a meeting. A meeting where I work is the sound of one man talking. No matter if it includes 5 or 50 people, only the moderator speaks. It's company culture. Unless there's a wiseass comment to be made, then 2 people will speak up. Today's meeting involved something we work with daily and how to streamline it, so you'd think we all have a vested interest in things working faster. Nope - not a peep. Except for me. I can't decide if my group hates the sound of my voice or is glad I ask questions so they don't have to disturb their vocal cords. If I can get an hour or two cut out of the week, that's kinda important. But no... nobody says a word. I am convinced that if my boss asked how many people want the rest of the week off, there would be silence. I told him the loneliest man in the company is the man leading a meeting. He agreed.
- A woman in Sydney, Australia, is under investigation for pretending to be a doctor. For eight months. The only reason she was discovered is that her ratings were so good and she saw so many patients, that the real doctors were complaining.
SEVENTY THREE year old Stevie Nicks canceled her remaining performances to 'keep healthy'
Her original face was gorgeous, as is her second(?) one.
Limp Bizkit is also cancelling the remaining dates on their tour due to the Flying AIDS.
Music fans all over the world rejoice.
- The Senate approved an amendment proposed by Cuban-American Senator Marco Rubio to provide free internet to Cuba
- WTF?
As if this blog isn't random enough.....
If you are in a committed relationship, and we're not talking about your goldfish, have some sex.
It would seem a tremendous idea in general, wouldn't it?
What you might be missing (get ready for it) is that sex isn't just the best thing in the world. It's also a means of staying close to your significant other. It's communication. It's releasing all sorts of wonderful 1chemicals into your system, like oxytocin (the love stuff). Sex and touch are actually essential to every relationship: if you're not doing one or the other or both, you're probably drifting apart and not reconfirming your feelings for your significant other. Some people go through their lives not knowing this. It's a big hit with relationship counselors. You will look at your SO differently the next day.
Now RUN over to your SO and show this to them:
"HI HONEY... we're supposed to have sex. It says right here in this very silly blog, so it must be true. Get nekkid and let's non-verbally show our love for each other. Someone told me it means twice as much love if we do Butt Stuff...."
Fun Body Facts
- there are over 60 sphincters in the human body
- there are a ton of nerve cells in the butt - the better to feel you, My Pretty
- there are a ton of nerve cells in the kidney - so kidney stones can hurt so bad you want to die
- a man's penis can also be used for peeing -monty python
My friend's dog is terrified of thunder and tries to hide.
My dog barks at it.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, my cable service is down.
If the cable company can tell me it's down, when it went down, and when it's going to be up, it sounds less unforeseen than the English as a Second Language gentleman in customer service told me. I am not demeaning this person, but his accent sounded like a mixture of Indian and tv westerns.
Earlier, I had gone to their website to check on service. I went to Search and put in Outage Map. For the life of it, it couldn't locate Outage Map. Mind you, on the next page, it told me if I signed in, I could view the outage map. Mind you, if internet is broken, I can't check anyway. I have to use my phone. I don't think it should be a national secret that there is an outage in the area. On the phone, they wanted my phone number. I gave it to them and they told me there's no account with that phone number attached to it. Funny, I pay the bill monthly, so there must be a phone number attached to it. I can't exactly give them my account number, because it has 47 digits, 3 spaces, a couple of Q's, and something that looks like emojis, but this is a 100% emoji-free house. They wanted to know if it was for a wifi password or email issue. IT'S FOR THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK OF SERVICE, but there was apparently no option for that. Sometimes if you scream, curse, or hit zero, you can get to a human.
The gentleman politely informed me it would be operational by 2am, which is a shame, as it's 11pm and it would be a good idea to sleep at some point. While my team and boss have no way of telling if I'm asleep at the keyboard, I'd feel bad about it. I'd also feel bad about waking up with the imprint of a keyboard on my face. If I think about it, almost anything would be an improvement, or so my family and everyone I went to school with told me. The kind fellow offered to text me when it comes back up. I can tell the future sometimes, and I can tell that a text at 2am will not be welcome by Wife, me, or the dog, who will probably bark at it.
You realize what this means, right?
I am so far behind on my pr0n that there's no catching up.
No sleeping with my step-sister, various MILFs, clown pron, in a taxi, butt specials, or just my regular old hamster pr0n. If my boss notices I'm off tomorrow, how do I explain this? I think he's very religious, which I'm going to go ahead and assume means he's not big on pr0n. So it's down to pr0n or sleep, either of which will affect my ability to do my job tomorrow.
My workplace is so rough
HOW ROUGH IS IT?
Because of an alleged sexual assault, Alibaba is offering its 250,000 employees self-defense training.
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