Your love is like a groin pull
Today's Olympic News: somebody is disputing something
Mrs. lefty sometimes goes into the local convenience store. The wife, a very sweet Indian lady, stops to talk with Mrs. lefty and they compare jewelry. Her husband likes to chat too. Yesterday he asked if she wanted her cigarette packs soft or HARD. I suppose he sees himself as swave and de-boner. I foresee a drop in visits to that store.
Today I identify as certainly not Judy Garland, I'll tell you that.
Everybody misses Alan Rickman. He was great in movies, but I really loved his voice.
I always wanted to hear him sing I Feel Pretty
I feel pretty.
Oh so pretty.
I feel pretty.
And witty.
And gay.
C'mon, you hear it too....
Limbo
So the only limbo left is Collision Limbo.
The smashed up almost new car was to be ready on time, last week.
It is now ready on time, this week.
I think they ordered the wrong body, which had to be put together in Korea, in spite of the fact the car is actually made in the US. This is the extent to which this particular collision center goes for their customers. Or at least for me. Because I'm special. Or at least that's what my mom always told me.
ME: You told me Thursday
COLLISION: I didn't say which Thursday
- My work pc is annoyingly slow. I tracked it back to McAfee.
- Do you think it's because he's dead?
My mom makes this Chocolate Cake of Death. The cake is deep, rich, and heavy.
The icing is even heavier. It has some coffee in it.
At any family event, the cake is requested.
Mrs. lefty has spent over 20 years trying to get the recipe. Mom keeps saying she'll give her the recipe.
Now Mom has dementia and we can't get the recipe out of her.
How is this right?
- Did Plato and Aristotle have last names?
- if my name were Plato Schwartz, I'd call myself Plato too
Google was sued over the Google+ data leak
The case website with full details is at googleplusdatalitigation.com. The case was settled in June 2020, with Google agreeing to pay out $7.5 million. After losing about half of that money to legal and administrative fees, and with 1,720,029 people filling out the right forms by the October 2020 deadline, the payout for each person is a whopping $2.15.
Half of $7.5 million in legal fees. Half.
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| his health insurance doesn't cover dental |
So they can charge a per-mile TAX.
I didn't vote for him.
- Have you died lately? I know I haven't. Check out this BBC documentary about near-death experiences. Lots of interesting stuff on this site.
Just when you think Big Brother has finally put another tetanus-covered nail in your coffin, Uber comes along and asked employees to allow cameras in their homes and bedrooms.
Now I'm surprisingly in favor of cameras in the bedroom (but only if I have control of them).
My employer? I'm not enough of an exhibitionist to make this work.
You'd think Uber would only be concerned about having a camera in the car.
Aside from updating your resume, what would you do?
- move the camera to the bathroom, focus entirely on the bowl, display your success each time
- frequently dance around the bedroom, sometimes as a family, singing Hava Nagila, and other Swedish folk songs
- set up your computer to send racy novels through the keylogger
- make bored sex noises before bed
- point the camera at someone else, who is actually working. There will be entire websites you can pay to capture someone working. It will become more popular than those naked cam sites!
- point the camera at Chaturbate or Grindr
My employer would be ok with any video, including adult, except one that in any way demeans minorities. My supervisor wouldn't care... I can't even get him to read my emails.
Along those lines, Apple promises it will reject government demands to use new child abuse image detection system for surveillance. No, really, we swear.
Apple already checks iCloud files and images sent over email against known child abuse imagery, as do tech giants like Google, Twitter, Microsoft, Facebook, and Dropbox, who employ similar image hashing methods to look for and flag potential abuse material,
Read it again: the other services also 'scan' for child abuse material
Although we don't have any, what else is scanned?
Best assumption is everything. Proceed accordingly.
Ever get anything from a humongous worldwide shipper that rhymes with RedEx?
Of course you have - we all have.
Ever try to ship anything with them?
That was a trick question. The answer is you can't.
In my younger days, you'd call a number and they'd send a truck, post haste.
Those days have gone. They are so far in the rear window that it is easier to see Abraham Lincoln at his desk (with a slave or two underneath).
I got a next day envelope. I went to ship it back, prepaid.
This is when I discovered you can't ship anything with RedEx.
RedEx is cutting their costs by 'allowing' you to drop off your next day prepaid envelope at 'drop off points'. Sorry - it's prepaid, guys. You're coming to my house, even though it might kill at least one of us. And it will.
I went looking for a phone number and POOF, got their web page, which is full of color pictures and all sorts of irrelevant information, but no phone numbers. Eventually I found the contact page, but it was in Spanish. That makes perfect sense. Falling back on my 6 years of high school Spanish, I gave it a try. I got the phone numbers. Unfortunately they were for Spain.
These RedEx guys have it down.
On Fridays, they all get drunk and watch people attempt to use the website.
There's a chat box. But there are no representatives available, because they don't work on days ending in -y. There's an automated help box, where I ask it for a phone number. It silently mocks me. I ask it to just send a motherfscking truck to pick up a tiny prepaid envelope. It suggests I go to Shipping.
Shipping is the page I've been to over and over. It wants me to set up an account. I don't need an account, I need a colorful truck to show up sometime in the next 24 hours. This is not an option.
Finally I discover another option to schedule a pickup (YAY!).
I fill everything in, hit SUBMIT, then it stares at me, subtly giggling. Eventually it tells me not to resubmit and check with Scheduling. There IS no Scheduling.
When I finally hit OK, it tells me the shipping number is wrong. Of course the shipping number is wrong - I copied it directly from the envelope, where it was typed in LARGE BLACK LETTERS. I did not mistype.
Sneaky bunch, these RedEx guys.
I saw a RedEx truck coming up the street. Quickly, I built a roadblock, put out some stop sticks, and stood there, holding my AR-13. The driver said he sympathized with my plight, but he couldn't pick up anything without it being scheduled. I was tempted to have his gas tank schedule itself to drop off the truck, but stupid karma would just catch up with me. Again.
RedEx's business plan counts on people getting frustrated and giving up trying to ship.
If I ever DO get in touch with RedEx, I'm going to ask them why they caused me more aggravation than the last 2 elections. They'll tell me they just want to make sure I'm serious about sending the envelope.
It's a good thing the envelope I'm sending isn't for antidepressants. I'd have shot myself.
This all feeds into my abject failure in all things electronic commerce. I wonder who I killed in a past life to cause this... Whenever I attempt to purchase something on the web, Wife has to take Dog and go on a Three Hour Tour, because she knows there will be screaming, pounding, and pleading (this is just typing in the url). For a high tech guy, I feel like an abject failure every time. Concert tickets are the worst. And after I fail to get them online, I have to go to the box office, where there's a $25 surcharge for handing money to a human. So that's $325 plus tissues for nosebleed seats.
I'm ok with Amazon, but that might just be a magic spell Jeff Bezos has put on the planet.
This might point to excrementally bad web design, in addition to my karma for having blown up several small, possibly inhabited planets in a past life. All of this is on large screens - heaven forbid this is tried from a phone! Everyone and their dog is a 'web designer' but, like everyone making music, not everyone should. C'mon - people with telescopes can't read that font size.
I'm good with Ebay too, but I think it's because I used to give them 15% of my income for guitar toys. Disposable income became indisposed. Must be my karma again... you see, I set a couple of nuns on fire... just a few... well I had to... they kept telling me I had sin and it was early in the morning, before sinning hours. If you think about it, the only people guilty of sin in advance are husbands.
- Some call me a contrarian. I think not.
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