You know you're living with PTSD when....
There's only 2 of you, but you have the 48 pack of toilet paper.
Your love is like your mother's.
The goog is starting to take security more seriously. So seriously, I can't get into my own gmail with my own phone. I used to... but it suddenly told me that someone used my password to try to access my mail. Yes, of course someone did - it was ME. Apparently I've done such a good job of disguising my phone, the goog doesn't recognize it.
Sometimes a time machine would be fun.
Can you imagine going back to visit Ben Franklin, noted bright guy, inventor, and ladies' man, with an android tablet. With transexual videos. Ask him what he thinks about SJWs. Or forward 100 years, to watch people just shake their heads in silence, looking back at our time in history.
AI, the Buzzword for the next 10 years, is moving forward by leaps and bounds. You probably don't know this, but you've seen AI for years. It's a very early and flawed implementation, but sourced reveal it's Larry King. Larry's been dead for 10 years, and what you're seeing is an AI likeness, complete with wheezing, coughing, and heart arrhythmia.
To the science-minded and anyone concerned: sperm swim more like otters than eels.
Libertarian candidate for president, Jo Jorgensen, has to get 5,000 signatures to get on the ballot in the hole that is PA. Republicans and democrats require 2,000.
Dear lefty:
- To what do you attribute the serious rise in global readership?
- Bad taste knows no boundaries.
What do you do when you drop to earth in a space capsule, and have 5 hours to kill until the ship comes for you? You use your satellite phone to make prank calls. This is why America is the greatest nation on Earth.
The NSA recommends privacy-conscious turn off find-my-phone, wifi, and Bluetooth whenever not using them. HA. The NSA is finally taking my advice.
They turned me loose today. Or I escaped... however you'd like to phrase it.
What did we learn today?
First, we learned that the Flying AIDS is keeping people inside. Where there should be stopped traffic, there was no traffic.
We learned that someone needs to give some serious thought to dog-proofing the car. And the GPS. Especially the GPS.
Our original GPS and I had a very bad relationship, like the mower. The touch screen caused an incredible amount of grief, and not just with me. After it tried to drive us into a large body of water, we gave up. It would say things like, "Turn 500 feet at .. Road." I suspect it had better things to do than give us directions.
When the new one showed up, I started getting douche chills and asked Mrs lefty if she was deliberately trying to torture me. She said not at all, but she said it too quickly and I thought I saw a twinkle in her eye. There was no need to plug it into a computer to have it run, which was good. The screen went from the horrid push screen to a touch screen, and behaved pretty well. It only screwed up about 10 times for me, which was a great improvement over the old one. Unfortunately the device is not dog-proof. We kept trying to figure out why the device was on a screen we had never seen. It was Penny, touching it with her nose. Repeatedly. Cars used to come with bench seats, like your couch. This left much room for a 3rd passenger or a dog. The tiny individual seats are no place for canines. Penny is happy to try to get past this by sneaking up from the back, sitting on my lap, scratching the crap out of my legs, and trying to stick her head out the window. As for the car being dog-proof, Penny either knows how to open the window or keeps hitting it by mistake. We have to literally lock the window controls so she doesn't open the windows. It's pretty funny to watch her flaps flapping in the breeze, but we like to err on the side of caution. One squirrel and it might be over.
We were in outer Mongolia, visiting. You see different things in outer Mongolia. For instance, we watched a chipmunk walk up to someone and take a peanut. That was amusing, but I didn't expect to see a young bear, popping by, eating some food, then putting his paws on the railing, looking for more. He was just fine with people; mainly looking for more to eat. I saw pictures of the Three Little Bears, playing in the tree, with their momma watching. Next to the porch. If there's one thing you don't piss off, it's Trump. If there's another thing you don't piss off, it's a momma bear. There was also a video of the little ones, trying to figure out what to do with a marshmallow. Discovering it wasn't much of a toy, they did what all children do: stick it in their mouth. I get in trouble for sticking things in my mouth to this day. The local authorities say that it's ok to feed the animals. Ok, then. It's pretty cool to look at bears. At about a mile away, or in those nice postcards. Having to change your underwear frequently is tiring. Penny went nuts, less so for the bear than the chipmunks. She stood guard the entire time. We felt secure in the knowledge we were going to go unmolested by chipmunks. This is one serious hunting dog (when she's not anchored to her mommy, napping). Hospitality is the same everywhere, which I realized when our host provided us with vodka bottles and straws. These were the good straws, not the kind that collapse. Although it would've made the trip more interesting, we declined, hoping for Drano instead.
It was great to get back home to my couch, where there was no danger of bears, except on the tv. Aside from discovering the new GPS added an hour to our trip, the ride home was fine. This is much better than last time, when we drove through a hurricane. We saw flying tree branches, trees, small houses, trucks, and bicycles with Nancy Pelosi riding them.
Always late to the party, I discovered you can't pay a turnpike toll: it's all billed to you. Hmmmm.... that would be pretty convenient if EZ PASS wasn't working to remove cash, tracking, and toll takers. Watch the alleged coin shortage get blamed for cutting off other cash transactions. As it is, some stores say you need exact change or you have to use a card. I'm starting to vibrate (harder).
What did we learn today?
First, we learned that the Flying AIDS is keeping people inside. Where there should be stopped traffic, there was no traffic.
We learned that someone needs to give some serious thought to dog-proofing the car. And the GPS. Especially the GPS.
Our original GPS and I had a very bad relationship, like the mower. The touch screen caused an incredible amount of grief, and not just with me. After it tried to drive us into a large body of water, we gave up. It would say things like, "Turn 500 feet at .. Road." I suspect it had better things to do than give us directions.
When the new one showed up, I started getting douche chills and asked Mrs lefty if she was deliberately trying to torture me. She said not at all, but she said it too quickly and I thought I saw a twinkle in her eye. There was no need to plug it into a computer to have it run, which was good. The screen went from the horrid push screen to a touch screen, and behaved pretty well. It only screwed up about 10 times for me, which was a great improvement over the old one. Unfortunately the device is not dog-proof. We kept trying to figure out why the device was on a screen we had never seen. It was Penny, touching it with her nose. Repeatedly. Cars used to come with bench seats, like your couch. This left much room for a 3rd passenger or a dog. The tiny individual seats are no place for canines. Penny is happy to try to get past this by sneaking up from the back, sitting on my lap, scratching the crap out of my legs, and trying to stick her head out the window. As for the car being dog-proof, Penny either knows how to open the window or keeps hitting it by mistake. We have to literally lock the window controls so she doesn't open the windows. It's pretty funny to watch her flaps flapping in the breeze, but we like to err on the side of caution. One squirrel and it might be over.
We were in outer Mongolia, visiting. You see different things in outer Mongolia. For instance, we watched a chipmunk walk up to someone and take a peanut. That was amusing, but I didn't expect to see a young bear, popping by, eating some food, then putting his paws on the railing, looking for more. He was just fine with people; mainly looking for more to eat. I saw pictures of the Three Little Bears, playing in the tree, with their momma watching. Next to the porch. If there's one thing you don't piss off, it's Trump. If there's another thing you don't piss off, it's a momma bear. There was also a video of the little ones, trying to figure out what to do with a marshmallow. Discovering it wasn't much of a toy, they did what all children do: stick it in their mouth. I get in trouble for sticking things in my mouth to this day. The local authorities say that it's ok to feed the animals. Ok, then. It's pretty cool to look at bears. At about a mile away, or in those nice postcards. Having to change your underwear frequently is tiring. Penny went nuts, less so for the bear than the chipmunks. She stood guard the entire time. We felt secure in the knowledge we were going to go unmolested by chipmunks. This is one serious hunting dog (when she's not anchored to her mommy, napping). Hospitality is the same everywhere, which I realized when our host provided us with vodka bottles and straws. These were the good straws, not the kind that collapse. Although it would've made the trip more interesting, we declined, hoping for Drano instead.
It was great to get back home to my couch, where there was no danger of bears, except on the tv. Aside from discovering the new GPS added an hour to our trip, the ride home was fine. This is much better than last time, when we drove through a hurricane. We saw flying tree branches, trees, small houses, trucks, and bicycles with Nancy Pelosi riding them.
Always late to the party, I discovered you can't pay a turnpike toll: it's all billed to you. Hmmmm.... that would be pretty convenient if EZ PASS wasn't working to remove cash, tracking, and toll takers. Watch the alleged coin shortage get blamed for cutting off other cash transactions. As it is, some stores say you need exact change or you have to use a card. I'm starting to vibrate (harder).
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