Archaeologists discovered that 200,000 years ago, people slept on comfy grass mats. And only got 1mb download speeds, because Comcast was the only provider.
Your love is like drinking past its date milk
Death Valley made the record for highest temperature on Earth, at 130 degrees (54 grams Canadian). With temps like that, they should give the place some sort of ominous name.
Does this sound familiar?
You barely had the energy to stand up the entire weekend.
Now it's Sunday at 11pm and you're FULL OF ENERGY!
Let's Meander Outside
For the 2nd time in a few weeks, they let me loose again.
All local businesses were on alert.
I didn't think it was fair of Wife to drag me out of bed on my second nap of the day - after all, it was only 2pm.
I'd probably have a better time if the sight of people with masks on didn't piss me off so much. I have to admit that the people with the welder's helmet 'masks' are pretty funny. I learned earlier not to ask them about their torches and hoses.
To spare the restaurants, the wife and the mom picked up some sandwiches. You've got to hand it to the Jews - they did to corned beef what the Irish did to... corned beef. Nothing like a corned beef sandwich. Or a corned beef special, with cole slaw and Russian dressing. Technically, Jews aren't supposed to mix meat with dairy products, so I guess this makes it even more exciting: the Forbidden Sandwich. Don't ask me - it just tastes good.
Wife bought this matzoh ball soup. Judging by the size of those balls, a matzoh must stand about 7' tall. I kid - matzoh is one of the few allegedly edible substances that is indistinguishable in taste from its cardboard container, like Pizza Hut pizza. Actually, the cardboard is a little tastier, plus it has fiber.
She also bought chopped liver. I don't get this substance... after all, who wants anything to do with anything called liver? I ate it every now and then when I was little, when 'chopped liver' was simply a phrase. As I got older, I found out that 'liver' actually meant something and stopped eating it. Speaking of spending time in the bathroom, I have memories of a meat-like substance I ate when I was very little, called tongue. I remember liking it. Then, one day, I realized tongue was not a descriptor word that meant nothing - I realized I had one. I spent quite a while in the bathroom, then a few years post-traumatic. It was not good time in school health class, when they described the tongue. I'd turn white and run out of the room. It was hysterical for my classmates, whose conversation always turned to tongue whenever I approached. 25 years later, a girlfriend made me a surprise for dinner. Surprise - I didn't like it. She told me it was kidney. That was doubly nauseating because I had 2 kidneys, which were busy taking turns trying to pass stones.
In the Emergency Room, the nice nurse handed me a container and asked if I knew what it was for. I nodded and said, "Wee wee!" It was the worst pain I had in my entire life, but at least the staff was amused. I went to the bathroom and came back with my sample. I'm pretty sure I know what color they were looking for, but it looked like blood. I told the nurse I couldn't remember whether she wanted blood or urine, so I brought them both. I figured this was serious, when the black nurse went pale and rushed off with the sample. Not a drop of pain medicine in the hours I was there. I told them that if I died, my last words would be, "Please don't take me to that hospital."
One of the great things about not having a religion is the only dietary restrictions are the ones I make up. This works out well for the holidays too. National Left Handers Day was last week, so I had the entire week off, being a very important holiday. We also take Christmas off, because everyone else is off work, and that one where the Catholics chase each other around, beating themselves with palms. Sometimes we celebrate that more than once a year.
Mom has some nice potted palms in her apartment, although she isn't Catholic.
And those corned beef sandwiches were delicious, but I never touched the balls, no matter what anybody tells you.
- It's not like the movie was old, but George Kennedy had hair.
Philadelphia has had some horrible shootings lately. Really sickening shootings, where children died. Leaping, seemingly drunk, into action, the Philadelphia City Council ran a gun turn-in. Thus, a bunch of honest gun owners dropped off guns (43 at 1 of 2 locations). And the criminals will continue to shoot people. And the City Council will continue to advance idiotic, impotent schemes. Business as usual in Philadelphia.
In election news, Vladimir Putin has declared himself the winner of the election for Leader for Life. Kim Junk Illin gave him a run for his money, but everybody's favorite was Barack Obama. Obama fans, unable to get him elected as One World Leader, figured they'd do it one country at a time.
Black Lives Matter, but so do your profits
The Movement has been doing its best to extort local businesses in Louisville, KY. Amongst other things, businesses must 'donate' a percentage of profits to black causes, and put up a sign supporting reparations. If this doesn't end police violence, nothing will!
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