I got in trouble the other day for not taking the trash out. Of course I took the trash out - we have so much of it, I have to spend an entire evening doing it. With a backhoe. Apparently there was a small stack of empty shoe boxes still sitting there. Ok, I'm not too proud to admit I didn't take all the trash out, but you need to consider my position, before you pronounce me guilty and force me to watch the Oprah Winfrey Netowork or LMN - the Ladies' Menstrual Network for a week. This house has more shoes than 76% of the shoe stores on the planet, thus more shoe boxes too. So I don't always know what to do with shoes or shoe boxes. I dare not even touch them to see if there are any shoes in them. The best method of self-preservation is to LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE. Let's look at it this way: if I had a stack of guitar boxes, would she throw them out? We have more left handed guitars than 99.43% of guitar stores on the planet (that ain't hard). She knows better than to throw guitar-related things out. Unfortunately, being the man, I'm wrong regardless of explanation, so I might as well take my antidepressants and turn on the tv.
Your love is like giving birth without drugs
- According to the alleged local news, there is bullying in schools over Flying AIDS masks. Nike must've come up with $300 masks.
- You have to give it to the bullies - they're able to adapt their techniques to new circumstances. This kind of flexibility will serve them well in business.
My mom suffers from senile dementia. We're thinking of running her for president. She means what she says, even if she forgets some of the words. She doesn't like to fondle children, so she's already more qualified than Joe Biden.
- I remember the old days, when you could unlock your passenger door by itself, with a key.
The doctors tell me it's ok to not say things.
This comes as a radically new concept, after being born with no filters.
They say I'll get along much better with Mrs lefty, as well as the rest of humanity, if I use the tiniest bit of restraint (really?) and not say the first thing that comes to mind. This is heresy. Howard Stern didn't get where he is today by stifling his thoughts - why should I? The docs imply that sometimes I can just say nothing. What a boring life they must lead... I'll die from pressure buildup if I can't say things.
When Wife says The Untouchables is her favorite tv show, instead of saying it's perfect for keeping people depressed and asleep, or mentioning the stats on dying of boredom, I can nod my head, or simply not reply. Not reply! Imagine that. It's very important the rest of the world knows what I have to say. I must address the masses.
When people talk about Faceyspaces or iDevices, laughing, calling them idiots or iHoles, or asking them if everybody jumped off a bridge, would they jump off a bridge too is not necessary! How will they know if I don't tell them?
When I refer to people busy watching America's Got No Talent as The Great Unwashed and the reason we're going to hell, I would be better off not saying anything, or not telling them to read something other than TV Guide or playing with themselves would be more educational. My input is essential here.
Furthermore, I should not call people ugly and stupid, because they probably just walked into the room. It happens a lot, like the time I was singing "It's Raining Men" and the gay guy walked into the room. I can't help this. I didn't call him in. He wasn't expected. The looks on my coworkers' faces were priceless, especially my boss'. I do it for them. My boss said out of every person he managed, I frightened him the most. Who would I be if I couldn't give this to my people?
I also learned I shouldn't tell the docs "I'm not closed minded just because your music sucks" or "Because I'm always right." Their senses of humor are bred out of them in the process of earning their doctorates.
So I've got another week free to blog and troll the interwebs.
Dear lefty
- In the show House, Dr. House is addicted to Vicodin. Are all doctors addicted to drugs?
- Of course they are. All doctors, especially psych doctors, subconsciously get into the field to heal themselves. Some of them truly stand out as Healers, like Dr. House. The healers are the worst. So if you are privileged enough to see a doctor who's a Healer, he's probably doing a few things he shouldn't. You should probably avoid the psych doctors, cuz they're really screwed up and you might catch something.
Speaking of The Untouchables, (and why should we?).. let me save you the trouble of actually having to watch. It is a story about federal officers during Prohibition, when we weren't allowed to drink (or racketeer, or randomly shoot people). Lots of men, dressed in dark suits and wearing fedoras, spent most of their time in humongous old cars with running boards, driving by places and shooting them up with automatic weapons. Except for the running boards, very little has changed. We also learned there were no black people in the 20s.
- If I haven't said this lately, ThermionicEmissions has been going since April 2011, making it 9,17453398 years old. This completely validates my critics' cries that I have way too much to say.
- It also validates my coworkers' cries that I won't shut up
- And my wife's cries that I'm always right. Or at least I think I am.
- They're all correct. But I'm proud of few things in life, and I think it's pretty cool that I've kept this boat afloat for that long, with only original material.
- I appreciate you coming by, hope you're entertained, and ask you to ask your friends, or enemies, to stop by too.
TV has also taught me that people used to put on suits and ties to eat.
I couldn't afford the laundry bills from spilling food on myself.
- let's face it: a white dress could easily be called 'ketchup catcher'
According to NASA, a truck-sized asteroid is heading toward Earth on the day before elections. Biden/Harris blame Trump, claim racism, vow election will take place on time.
Guess the theme.
This plane flies itself.
Are we ready for driverless trucks?
Bonus points: it can read license plates, so it can....
Speaking of koalas, the FAA is going to test detection and mitigation systems for drones at a few airports. Mi-ti-ga-tion: the reduction of something harmful or the reduction of its harmful effects. This should be interesting...
Trump declared the California wildfires a major disaster. Nancy Pelosi said the wildfires were another tactic by Trump to postpone the election.
Let's Dance! Let's Vote!
So the election is coming up, raising all sorts of questions about the Flying AIDS. Children are being kept home from school and others are going to school. Restaurants can seat people indoors, with distancing. Theaters can open, with distancing. Some cities mandate a mask while outside. The Post Office is a mess, but that's not anything new.
As we maintain, they have no clue, thus we have no clue. Many procedures contradict each other. If 6' is ok, will 7' keep you free of risk? Masks are to prevent the wearer from transmitting sickness, not to protect the other wearers. Thus I can go mask-free, because I'm Flying AIDS-free. If the mask prevents the wearer from spreading germs, why do we socially distance? If socially distancing works, why wear masks? Then there's temperature taking, which is fine to detect current infection, but no good to detect asymptomatic carriers or incubation periods.
So let's make our own decisions and head out to the polls. Lines at the polls are pretty packed together and long, inside a firehouse/library/whatever. Not taking some kind of precautions would probably be pretty stupid, especially given the results of Flying AIDS parties, where the kids don't take precautions. So the lines will go on forever, with 6' between voters (inside), and unhappy voters who have to wear masks. Then the Susie Snitches, who whine loudly if you don't have a mask or aren't distancing.
The elderly are encouraged to use absentee ballots.
This is made easy for them by trying to find an absentee ballot request form, mailing it to an address not listed on the form, waiting for the ballot by mail, then filling it out and mailing it in, hoping the USPS isn't out back, smoking a doobie. Then fighting off the Russians, who are trying to interfere with the elections by blocking the mailboxes.
I think I might go absentee ballot, as early as possible. Maybe tomorrow.
SO how are you going to register your vote?
The new landline phone arrived recently. It is largely like the old landline phone, except less grungy and will hold a charge (hopefully). We require 2 handsets so we can find at least 1 when it rings. Better stated, we will always have 2 handsets that need to be charged. The new set has a block feature that really gets my nipples atwitter. It will also speak the name of the caller. This is pretty cool also, except for the fact that in order to speak, one must first be able to read. This is where the phone fails. We can definitely hear it announce a caller, but we're damned if we understand what it said (do not tell me it's from the deep south - that's not nice). I noticed the dish rack ringing recently. This is not common in our house, but I've learned to expect anything. Someone hid the 2nd handset and charger behind the dish rack, ensuring it will always be charged and never be found. It made its announcement and, as usual, I figured we had the voice set to Swahili. You have to go to the phone and read the Caller ID to understand what the announcement said. This is less a feature than an annoyance, like taking out a hot date, with your mom in the backseat of the car. The answer to this quandary is my answer to all phone quandaries: don't answer it. It's never for me and I don't want to talk to anybody calling.
Also remember the golden rule: just because it rings doesn't mean you have to answer it.
SJWs STILL
Another shooting of a black man sparked another peaceful protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Vehicles were set on fire, there were reports of armed robberies and shots fired, all peacefully. Meanwhile, the cheeseheads were delighted to finally be put on the map with their own negative press. The mayor has declared that all peaceful protests in Kenosha be held with cheese hats and masks. There was no social distancing at the protest, and very few masks, so the police broke everything up by 8pm.
The existence of police is brutality. No bad protesters, no good cops.
-Richmond, VA, protest flyer
BLM street painting to become permanent along Hollywood's Walk of Fame
Guess the theme.
This plane flies itself.
Are we ready for driverless trucks?
Bonus points: it can read license plates, so it can....
Speaking of koalas, the FAA is going to test detection and mitigation systems for drones at a few airports. Mi-ti-ga-tion: the reduction of something harmful or the reduction of its harmful effects. This should be interesting...
Trump declared the California wildfires a major disaster. Nancy Pelosi said the wildfires were another tactic by Trump to postpone the election.
Let's Dance! Let's Vote!
So the election is coming up, raising all sorts of questions about the Flying AIDS. Children are being kept home from school and others are going to school. Restaurants can seat people indoors, with distancing. Theaters can open, with distancing. Some cities mandate a mask while outside. The Post Office is a mess, but that's not anything new.
As we maintain, they have no clue, thus we have no clue. Many procedures contradict each other. If 6' is ok, will 7' keep you free of risk? Masks are to prevent the wearer from transmitting sickness, not to protect the other wearers. Thus I can go mask-free, because I'm Flying AIDS-free. If the mask prevents the wearer from spreading germs, why do we socially distance? If socially distancing works, why wear masks? Then there's temperature taking, which is fine to detect current infection, but no good to detect asymptomatic carriers or incubation periods.
So let's make our own decisions and head out to the polls. Lines at the polls are pretty packed together and long, inside a firehouse/library/whatever. Not taking some kind of precautions would probably be pretty stupid, especially given the results of Flying AIDS parties, where the kids don't take precautions. So the lines will go on forever, with 6' between voters (inside), and unhappy voters who have to wear masks. Then the Susie Snitches, who whine loudly if you don't have a mask or aren't distancing.
The elderly are encouraged to use absentee ballots.
This is made easy for them by trying to find an absentee ballot request form, mailing it to an address not listed on the form, waiting for the ballot by mail, then filling it out and mailing it in, hoping the USPS isn't out back, smoking a doobie. Then fighting off the Russians, who are trying to interfere with the elections by blocking the mailboxes.
I think I might go absentee ballot, as early as possible. Maybe tomorrow.
SO how are you going to register your vote?
The new landline phone arrived recently. It is largely like the old landline phone, except less grungy and will hold a charge (hopefully). We require 2 handsets so we can find at least 1 when it rings. Better stated, we will always have 2 handsets that need to be charged. The new set has a block feature that really gets my nipples atwitter. It will also speak the name of the caller. This is pretty cool also, except for the fact that in order to speak, one must first be able to read. This is where the phone fails. We can definitely hear it announce a caller, but we're damned if we understand what it said (do not tell me it's from the deep south - that's not nice). I noticed the dish rack ringing recently. This is not common in our house, but I've learned to expect anything. Someone hid the 2nd handset and charger behind the dish rack, ensuring it will always be charged and never be found. It made its announcement and, as usual, I figured we had the voice set to Swahili. You have to go to the phone and read the Caller ID to understand what the announcement said. This is less a feature than an annoyance, like taking out a hot date, with your mom in the backseat of the car. The answer to this quandary is my answer to all phone quandaries: don't answer it. It's never for me and I don't want to talk to anybody calling.
Also remember the golden rule: just because it rings doesn't mean you have to answer it.
SJWs STILL
Another shooting of a black man sparked another peaceful protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Vehicles were set on fire, there were reports of armed robberies and shots fired, all peacefully. Meanwhile, the cheeseheads were delighted to finally be put on the map with their own negative press. The mayor has declared that all peaceful protests in Kenosha be held with cheese hats and masks. There was no social distancing at the protest, and very few masks, so the police broke everything up by 8pm.
The existence of police is brutality. No bad protesters, no good cops.
-Richmond, VA, protest flyer
BLM street painting to become permanent along Hollywood's Walk of Fame
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