Your love is like an entire gang of kidney stones, singing New Yawk, New Yawk in drunken karaoke
Dear lefty
- I think there's a curse on Superman. At least 2 actors who played him are dead. What do you think?
- I think you're supposed to put the tin foil on your head, not eat it
I thought I had scared them away, but no, the democrats texted me again, convinced they were talking to Rakeisha. I checked my phone bill and assured myself that I am not, in fact, Rakeisha. This is a good thing, because the doubt was really getting to me. Checking my records, just in case, proved that I have not been Rakeisha for the 15 years I have had the number.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. I explained this to the texter, who assured me she was not going to vote for Jo Jorgensen, as I had suggested. She said that the difference is this time.... Yeah, ok, keep banging your head. She did not agree that raising taxes is a bipartisan matter.
So if nothing else, I have the satisfaction of knowing I am still me, and at no time do I identify as Rakeisha. And that even the vast powers of Rakeisha can't scare the dems off.
- Things are just a little cleaner around the house, since the dog stopped bringing us rabbit heads.
I had to do a self-assessment at work.
I'm sure some extremely highly-paid international consulting and research organization came up with a reason why it's a good idea to have employees self-assess, but I sure as hell don't see it. I imagine the reason is to relieve the bosses of doing it. I know mine sleeps easier.
What's your first instinct in filling out your own Report Card?
"I thought we left this behind in grade school."
"I really suck at this."
- Communication: lefty communicates gud. Sometimes too gud. All audio communications include the sound of lawnmowers.
- Teamwork: lefty plays well with others but it's better to limit this kind of activity to less than 2 hours per week.
- Supervision: lefty should not, under any circumstances, be a supervisor or leader. His great love for humanity may produce unexpected results.
- Vernacular: lefty can perform any part of the 5397 exercise, but not if you refer to it as the 5397 exercise. Try "the thing where you use the console to do stuff."
- Behavioral: lefty knows all the rules of behavior; he just refuses to follow them. Except when his wife is around.
- New Ideas: lefty is always handy with ideas. As a rule, you should probably only consider 50% of them. He will also tell you why you're wrong. So be certain that no one over his immediate supervisor is around when lefty has input.
Now- was this a recent work assessment or his 2nd grade report card?
- Russian interference into the upcoming elections continued, as Vladimir Putin tweeted well wishes to President Trump.
In legislation that could only come from Congress, it may soon be illegal for companies to pay ransom to criminals after getting infected with ransomware.
This will do wonders to stem the ransomware outbreak. If a company is dumb, careless, or unlucky enough to contract ransomware, paying fines on top of it is ludicrous. Add to this that data should be recoverable via backups.
Also in the legislative pipeline: fines for contracting the Flying AIDS.
Speaking of ransomware and hacks, there are over 139,000 Microsoft Exchange servers with internet-facing servers (Outlook Web Access). Support for the application ends this month. Once again, I support Microsoft on this: end of life announcements are announced very clearly, in plenty of time to take action. When the carnage starts, owners of the servers will be screaming they had no idea, they forgot, or the company wouldn't pay for the upgrade. Meanwhile, there are search engines that will allow you to search for these servers, which are great hacking tools.
Today I identify as Emilia Clarke's Flying AIDS mask
Looking over some older posts, I began to feel a longing (not that one).
It's October. As recent as January, we could get up on a weekend and go guitar shopping. We could go to a mall. Any restaurant we desired. Concerts. Electronics and regular flea markets. Twice yearly vintage guitar shows. An outlet mall that until recently allowed smoking. Waffle House (90m drive). Visit the toothless side of the family in West Virginny. Take my service elephant to the shipping store for some plastic peanuts. Walk into a doctor's office. People stared at me because I'm ugly instead of not wearing a mask.
Every now and then I look back fondly on those memories, not a year old, but they feel years away.
The 'new normal' is staying home or going fewer places with a ridiculous piece of paper or cloth on your face. Many of the places we went are out of business. Malls are half occupied. The joy of occasionally leaving the house has had its tires slashed, leaving us to drive around on a tiny little spare donut that's only good for 10 miles before it too bursts into flames, causing horrible run-on sentences and mild to moderate rheumatoid arthritis, for which there's a new medicine.
When this comes from someone who barely left the house when all was good, you know there's a problem.
Dis shit gettin old.
- the great thing about not being a millennial is that I don't have to worry about holding the camera while having sex.
Hi, kids - it's time for your favorite game show: Extort the Government! [applause]
I'm your host, Bob Phlegm.
[applause]
Johnny, tell them about our guests.
Thanks, Bob. Today we feature the US airline industry vs the US government.
Wow, that sounds like a match. Let me get out my cards here......
On the one side we have the airlines, crying poor.
On the other side we have the government, promising them a handout if they don't lay anyone off until a certain date.
DING DING!!
We have a winner.. it's.. the airlines, with a $25 billion bailout!
That was a monster of a play, Johnny.
It sure was, Bob, but it's not over yet!
It's not??
No it isn't. Round 2 just started.
Well I'll be damned...
It seems that the airlines are grumbling and making 'poor noises' again.
The government is playing its cards close to the vest.
OH - and the airlines have pulled a Hail Donnie and started furloughing over 32,000 employees, saying they'd be called back if they get some more of that cool green stuff!
Will the government call their bluff?
This is some excellent extortion here, Johnny. Tell them what they won!
Well, Bob, we're out of time, but check in next week, when we see if the airlines can Extort the Government! Again!
Yes, it's time to go, but here's one bit of trivia: the government doesn't exist to bail out corporations (aside from the auto manufacturers and the banks, of course). Tune in next week, if your electricity hasn't been shut off!
Tiffany is 49 today. No, really.
It's not her birthday, but Stevie Nicks is 72.
Seventy Two.
I remember oogling and swooning over her picture on a Fleetwood Mac album (yes, album). She's still beautiful, even on her 2nd face....
VERY HAPPYS TO
Mike Rutherford - Genesis (the tall one)
Sting - after the world gets done revolving around Bono, it revolves around him
Tiffany
Chubby Checker - forced to change name because Chubby is fat-shaming
Lindsey Buckingham - Fleetwood Mac
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN - singlehandedly brought back the blues
Tommy Lee - upside down drummer, Pam Anderson's co-star
BYE BYEs
Tom Petty
SJW Silliness
Google has revealed it has adopted “value-neutral” language in the interests of improving both selfies and mental health. “The studies showed that 80% of parents said that they’re worried about filters and two-thirds of teens have reported being bullied by peers based on how they look in their selfies.”
..in a post announcing its new guidelines the company stated: “More than 70 percent of photos taken on Androids use the front-facing camera gee... how do they know this?
Social media platform Pinterest announced that it would be limiting recommendations for Halloween costumes that could be considered culturally insensitive.
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| unless it's wearing a mask |
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