The Teachers Need to Stop Insisting Johnny Wear a Dress to School

Your love is like large bags of broken glass, cascading over my body

Dear lefty 

• Why do you look so God-awful tired?
• there's too much blood in my coffee stream 

Heard any Biden jokes? Study of late-night comics finds few

This isn't hearsay or me popping off about something. This is a pure example of the owned press putting out the official agenda. 97% of Colbert and Fallon jokes in September targeted Trump.

Today I identify as  space debris

Remember Nazca, the site in Peru, with all the land drawings, only viewable from above? They just found a cat. I suspect it was trying to trip some of the other drawings.

I can make my neighbors mow their lawn. No, really... watch:

"Gee, it's delightfully quiet and I believe I have a conference call in a few minutes." 

• IKEA will start re-purchasing its furniture, for recycling.
• tear it down and give it to them with their own instructions 

Russian Interference in the election continues, as a number of people ask if there are any McDonalds in Russia.

It was just discovered that if you tell it to wipe private data about you, Chrome doesn't wipe Google and Youtube data. Shocking. I'd suggest a 3rd party extension. Better yet, don't use Chrome (Opera, Vivaldi, etc). Google: "It is a programming error - it will be fixed."

Seriously - do you think I tell you not to trust Google because I make stuff up? 

 

• the dog thinks she's Julie Andrews
• sometimes it's ok to just let things go...

How am I feeling?

 I'm glad you asked. I'm a lot less dizzy: I gave it to Mrs lefty.

It's been a few weeks, so the Pentagon is ready for another game of Fleece the Public. It's going to cost $98.5 billion to replace those poor, aging intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs). We cannot maintain land and air superiority without ICBMs. Since the president went ahead and weaponized space assured us space superiority without asking us, we cannot fall behind on land and air. After all, we don't want to have to go home, crying to our parents because all the other countries have them and ours are older than Cher. 

Some, including former Defense Secretary William J. Perry, argue that U.S. national security can be ensured without ICBMs, but the Pentagon says they are vital to deterring war, and Secretary Perry seems to have gone missing.

Last month the Air Force awarded Northrop Grumman a $13.3 billion contract for engineering and manufacturing development of the new missiles. Still, nobody asked us, but at least they won another game of Fleece the Public.

Had there not been a decision to continue feeding the Military Industrial Complex (stop that unpatriotic laughing), we'd have hundreds of Really Deep Holes, all over the country. We'd have to find something else to do with them...

• bomb-proof low income housing
• really really big milkshake makers
• a pretty serious game of hide and seek
• Madonna's career
• a place to keep all the ballots
• load the missiles with Top 10 hits: that should be enough to subjugate any country

aside from religious loons and horrible mistakes, I can't imagine any of these being fired off, from any side.

Flying AIDS 

Mouthwash, baby shampoo deactivate coronaviruses, may slow spread of COVID-19

also nose wash, shoe shine, and that antiperspirant that draws women to you 

Things will get better in the winter! In a surprise announcement, the CDC said the Flying AIDS will not last in the air as long in winter. It turns out the virus gets cold, puts on its coat, and falls immediately to the ground, saving anyone breathing in the immediate vicinity.

Bored of Flying AIDS news and desperate to bolster tourism, the Carolinas announced that flesh-eating bacteria in the ocean is killing people. Come to the Carolinas - Where the Flying AIDS Won't Get You! 

• Televangelist Pat Robertson said God told him President will win, then an asteroid will hit Earth
• Hey Pat: ask your doctor about antipsychotics

Mrs lefty is watching one of her Horrible Movies. This one rates 2 stars, so it's not just me. There are creatures, because there are always creatures. The townsfolk, out of pitchforks and torches, need to find another way to kill the creatures. They decide on radiation.

2 of our heroes are getting prepared. We can't help notice they look like very large condoms, with aluminum foil and some pool hoses attached. We also agree this outfit would be kinda sexy, in the right light. They turn some knobs and get out some radioactive material. Even after flunking out of chemistry class (ok, twice), I know that giant condoms will not protect you from radiation. Perhaps they were married and taking the easy way out.

How does one flunk out of chemistry (twice), you ask?

• I learned it is bad form to bring in substances not on the Periodic Table
• Do not refer to teacher's lunch as not appearing on the Periodic Table
• Do not complain about not getting any because your girlfriend is on her Periodic Table.

The Pope, eager to stay on ThermionicEmissions, announced support for same-sex civil unions; that 'Homosexuals have right to be part of family'  (assuming one of them is a young boy).

Happys 

Steve Cropper - Booker T

Elvin Bishop - guitar

Steve Lukather - Toto