Your love is like whatever they put in bologna
As we know, there is not an original thought in Hollywood, so all pictures must have a number after them. I have ideas for the next picture. It goes back to the original Star Trek, with Kirk. I need to flesh it out before I send it to Hollywood, cuz you know I have Big Connections<tm>. I only play minor blogger on tv.
Dramatis Personae:
Spock: immune to the Flying AIDS because Chinese bats don't suck green blood. The only one who doesn't have to socially distance, but doesn't care. Later on, they find out he's a carrier,
Kirk: runs around the galaxy, giving the Flying AIDS to everyone. #1 spreader. This is worse than the Intergalactic Chlamydia Incident.
Bones: Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a drug company. You're asking me to produce a vaccine in a year? It can't be done. Or done right.
Scottie: Cap'n, I cannae switch the dilithium crystals to make masks fast enough.
Uhura: I always preferred communicating with my Bluetooth earpiece. I know you enjoy the fact that my chest arrives before the rest of me, but you socially distance or I'll beam you to the Moon.
Checkov: Flying AIDS waccine better in Russia.
Sulu: Checkov - I think I dropped my pen again. Could you grab that for me? Thanks. We wouldn't want to get closer than 6', would we [wink]?
Gorgeous nurse with tall hair: Captain... after your vaccine, I need some cream in my coffee.
Less gorgeous nurse with tall hair: Oh Spock, share your antibodies with me..
Red Shirt Crewman: I'll fight the Flying AIDS without a mask. It's not even a real virus.
Ladies and Gentlemen, set your phasers on disinfect for this wild romp across the universe to fight a virus for better ratings.
- Speaking of more useless Hollywood news, product placement may soon be coming to classic films. Yes, you can watch famous dead movie stars hawking Coke or other essential products.
- You can rest assured this will do nothing to lower the prices of the movies or cut the amount of commercials down
An elderly man was paroled after decades in prison, for murder.
He stands accused of murdering again, after he got out.
You can take the murderer out of the neighborhood but you can't take the murder out of the murderer. Did I get that right?
- it was 7:40 the other night.
- it wasn't totally dark
Today I identify as a very dusty fan that you need to take apart and clean before you use it, even though you need it right now
- uh-oh... America is running at 38.5% vaccinated and the lines are getting shorter...
The Arkansas House passed an unconstitutional bill putting
creationism in schools. I don't care what you believe - just don't mandate the teaching of it. The 1st Amendment is there to prevent this, yet it is constantly under assault. Parts of the Pentagon don't want to deal with UFOs because they're 'demonic'.
Is this what religion does to your mind?
- Marvel releases its first Asian superhero
- flys, does not drive
Horrible Tesla news: 2 men killed 'without driver' in seat.
Apparently 'hard of reading', they didn't see the part where Tesla says a human driver is meant to be fully alert and in control at all times. It's not fully autonomous. The US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is looking into 27 Tesla crashes.
Hey Bob - let's stand on these motorcycle handlebars while riding!
Hey Bob2 - let's drive blindfolded!
Hey Bob - let's let the Tesla drive by itself! We'll sit in the back and it'll be like our own limo and stuff!
You can build something, but you can't require comprehension or an IQ test to purchase it.
- America's doctor, Anthony Fauci, said
- "You dramatically diminish" possible Covid infection with a vaccine, but vaccinated people could still carry infection.”
- just wear them forever.... wear 3 or 4! Put them on your feet!
- they set fire to an Apple store in Portland
- even I wouldn't set fire to an Apple store
- the paper is now calling them Marchers - apparently Peaceful Looters isn't PC
- they've been in Portland almost a year
- apparently this is ok
Microsoft received almost 25,000
requests for consumer data from law enforcement over the past 6 months.
Why does your operating system have your data?
Be vewy quiet. I'm hunting hand gwenades.
A Cape May, New Jersey, yard sale was found to have a hand grenade for sale.
The police brought in the bomb squad, who took it away.
This goes to show you that if you're looking for a good deal on a hand grenade or other explosives, don't call the police!
they didn't even pay for the grenade.
HEADLINE: Female face shaving is more common than you think
naturally it's called dermaplaning, because you can't call it what it is.
Being pushed by 'influencers'.
Ya know, if you get your influences from the internet, you deserve to shave. And to wear toilet paper on the cuts.
Pretty soon the hair salon will offer a complete de-hairing service: eyebrow messing, face shaving, twat waxing, anal bleaching, nipple hair braiding, and anything else the next crop of 'influencers' come up with.
Last week, Cindy Scum touted the shaving only your left side look. Half of San Francisco discovered Bobbi Slave's left-only jackets.
Within a month, the dermaplaning thing will have gone the way of cat eyes and the new thing will be full mustaches. If you can't grow the full thing, there will be male hormones available. If you don't want to grow a penis for fashion (fashion is supposed to hurt), you can buy the new Revlon Stash Enhancer or the Lee Press-On Mustache. Lee has really taken off after their most successful project to date, the press-on man bun, so you can look stupid part time, or if you have male pattern baldness.
Somebody asked me what the weather forecast was. I opened my weather app and rattled it off. People can't help but be confused by this... clouds. Since it's generally miserable here, we have clouds. But we don't have just clouds... we have partly cloudy, few clouds, overcast clouds, broken clouds, scattered clouds, ninja clouds, ohmygod clouds, wtf cloudsagain, and 137 types of rain. Most of these even show up in the weather app. Except..
Kardashian clouds: cover absolutely everything, people are fascinated by them, only seen with dark clouds, the clouds with the biggest asses on the planet
Donald Trump clouds: the best clouds; get blamed for all rain, whether they caused it or not
Anthony Fauci clouds: they may be clouds, they may not be clouds, but use 2 umbrellas always
SJW clouds: a symbol of white cloud privilege - there should be more dark clouds providing rain
my genitalia clouds: they don't come out often
A Polish animal control group was called because an unidentifiable animal was terrorizing the residents of a street in Krakow. The woman said the creature had been terrorizing the her neighbors for two days. People were afraid to open their windows.
The unidentified animal turned out to be a croissant.
Poland is doing itself no favors to rid itself of the constant stream of stupid Polish jokes.
Polish Lady: I need to report some sort of animal or something
SPCA: What does it look like?
Polish Lady: It's brown.
SPCA: What's it doing?
Polish Lady: It's sitting, menacingly, in a tree
SPCA: is it moving?
Polish Lady: No. That's what's so scary about it.
SPCA: has it caused any damage?
Polish Lady: Yes, my neighbors are afraid to leave the windows open
SPCA: but has it bitten or defecated on anybody?
Polish Lady: No, but we don't like the way it looks. It threatened my son.
[SPCA comes out]
SPCA: Ma'am, the neighborhood is now safe.
Polish Lady: Thank God. What kind of animal was it.
SPCA: it was French
Polish Lady: What is it called?
SPCA: a Polish Croissant.
Polish Lady: are you going to dispose of it?
SPCA: No, Ma'am, we've referred the case to Dunkin Donuts, Special Emergency Croissant Squad. I hope they have a ladder.
Polish Lady: Godspeed, Dunkin.
Naturally the whole thing was covered on Faceyspaces.
Q. What's the only thing scarier than Dracula in your house?
A. a croissant in a tree
Last week, the entire neighborhood was locked down after someone's mask fell on the ground. There were reports of children and pets being attacked. And Dracula... always Dracula.
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