Mom - Jimmy's Out Licking the Light Pole Again

 

Your love is like   a sushi lunch from 7-11

• New York mayor pledges to rid city of gun violence
• bringing in Superman and Wonder Woman, housing criminals on Krypton 

Today I identify as  a dump truck - vooooom!

ThermionicEmissions has its sixth follower. I am beyond excited. Can't you tell?

Pr0nhub and Google better watch out.

Don't Let Your Roku, Apple TV or Other Streamer Track You. Change These Privacy Settings

Flying AIDS News

It's difficult to sort out the best Flying AIDS headline, but I think I found it:

Washington DC Requires Nude Strippers To Be Masked, Clubs Warned About ‘Staff Not Wearing Masks’

They are required to wear a mask, while sharing bodily fluids with you. Brilliance that could only come from DC. Has anybody seen Fauci?

Get well wishes to Reggie Dwight, aka Elton John, who tested positive for the Flying AIDS. He was vaccinated.

There’s a new version of omicron but so far it doesn’t appear to be more dangerous

no no no no very dangerous, PANIC, get 5th booster!  

They had covid-19 once. Then, they got it again.

WHO warns of potential for more variants as omicron subvariant found in US

Two-thirds with Omicron say they have had Covid before

OSHA will try a different route to a vaccine mandate for businesses

Red wine could reduce chances of COVID-19 infection, U.K. study suggests

between the pot and red wine, the world could become a better place..

California’s COVID gun store shutdowns ruled illegal

• Pentagon Places Thousands of Troops on Standby for Deployment to Eastern Europe in Standoff With Russia 
• #ImpeachBiden  now. Hurl the Pentagon skyward to see how aerodynamic its shape is.

You're probably going to say that you didn't see this coming....

Child badly burned while pouring gas onto bonfire at home in New Jersey

Same child will die while demolishing his house from his bedroom

Denmark, New Zealand and Finland top list of least corrupt nations while South Sudan is the worst and US drops out of top 25 amid 'continuous attacks on free and fair elections'

At least we're moving in the right direction. That old American spirit shows itself yet again! 

• After all the creative work I put into the blog, who'd have thought that the page that gets the most visits, by far, is the review I did of a police scanner.

I watched Jimmy Fallon last night. And by watched, I mean played with my laptop and listened here and there. [Foreshadowing] A headache appeared out of nowhere. Ok, I'm late to the party, again. I wondered what the jokes would be about, as a study showed every late night show was very left-leaning and anti-Trump, while he was in office. Fallon went after Biden, shockingly. In a very stupid way. He even managed to get a shot at Trump (I voted libertarian). So very little has changed. He's still got that younger brother personality, full of energy. Not my speed. The headache felt more and more like drilling in my head, so I went to bed.

Ya know, I have a bad feeling my headaches are secondary to a toothache. This is frightening and disturbing, as I had all that work done last year. Yes, dentistry is a racket, but they fixed my problems. How do I know there's a tooth problem? When Wife looked at it, it hurt like hell. Pizza doesn't look good to me. I couldn't take out the trash (this may or may not be related).

The disturbing thing about the dentist was they all wore masks, so I couldn't see their faces. Dentist offices are usually bubbling over with gorgeous women. Don't get me wrong - I was happier that they knew what they were doing, but still... Anyway, I have no desire to go back, masks or not. The pain isn't pleasant (no, really?) so I'll have to pull all my resources together to make an appointment. I don't know why this is, but it is. My arm could be broken, but calling the doctor to check my injury could take weeks. I'm bad that way. I'm bad in many ways, but Wife and Dog tolerate me well.

Dog is out of control, being aided by Wife. Dog flatly refuses to pick up her stuffed animals, which frequently are in places that would trip us. Wife keeps reminding Dog that if she kills us, there will be nobody left to follow around the house, or even feed her. Then Wife goes to pet store and buys Dog three more stuffed animals. Speaking of killing, I have to keep reminding Wife that I don't have enough life insurance to make it worth killing me. I keep it this way on purpose. Did you ever get out of bed to a huge pile of true crime novels? They started like "True Mafia Killings." I'm starting to get suspicious because her new books have titles like "Death of an IT Guy" and "The Guitar Player Murders." 

For all the people and media screaming DISINFORMATION, has anybody thought about the actual 'experts' that can't agree? The steadily-changing advice? When you hear DISINFORMATION, it's DISHONEST and a PLOY, with an AGENDA.

Cranky old Neil Young (I'm a fan) told Spotify that Joe Rogan needs to be pulled or Neil's music will be pulled. Over misinformation.

Idea: subject the misinformation to the same brief tests as the 'official' cure.

The self-driving car industry is abandoning the term ‘self-driving’ and leaving it to Tesla

Recommends it be renamed: self-crashing, auto-exploding, talks with strange accent 

C'mon guys.... the Batmobile could operate with no one in the car. It's 2022 already.

Disney responds to Peter Dinklage's criticism of Snow White remake

Peter Dinklage, known good actor and least likely to get on most Disney rides, had some things to say about Woke Disney casting actors not similar to original parts, such as the upcoming Snow White. Surprisingly, Dinklage seems to be for more of it. 

In the remake of Snow White, Disney wanted to make sure no character was white. And that there was room for 14 more sequels. The casting so far:

• latina Rachel Zegler as Snow White  (the woman is seriously beautiful)
• Dennis Rodman and his North Korean basketball team as the 8 Dwarves
• Whoopie Goldberg as the evil stepsisters
• Steve Irwin as one of the Brothers Grimm (we are never told which)
• and Meat Loaf as the glass coffin

A Night at the Opera, A Day at the Dentist 

Something happened to a tooth. It's a tooth not touched by the dentist (yet). I have a theory.... after all the necessary work was done, the other teeth got jealous and demanded services too. Maybe the dentist hypnotized them, I don't know.

In any case, there was some serious pain. In a place I like to use. At this point, everybody's main goal is to get rid of the pain, ASAP.  And I forgot how these folks operate. Let me give you an example: let's say you walk in the door with a dog stuck in your jaw. A smiling, personable tech will sit you down and take xrays. They like taking xrays. If you told them your arm hair hurt, they'd take xrays. After the pleasantries are finished, she will ask you what the problem is. You never went to dental school, so you figure you better explain it, so they'll be able to fully diagnose the problem. So you tell her the story, she takes xrays, then tells you she's off to see the wizard doctor, who will have a look at everything. Thirty minutes later, the doctor appears. You look around for where the applause is coming from. It may be the overhead speakers, which normally play absolute crap you do not want to hear. The doctor asks what's wrong. You have the privilege of saying the exact thing you said to the personable tech. You feel that you are repeating yourself repeating yourself. 

Just to make sure you're serious and not kidding about the problem, Doc is going to 'tap' on the area and you say when it hurts. Even the patients whose bodies do not regularly try to escape the chair by themselves feel a little scared when she brings out the Dental Sledge. You see the size of this instrument alone and inherently know this part of the examination is not going to go well. Dentists have a horrible reputation, some deservedly so, and they're not going to help themselves by bringing out stone age nazi tools of torture. Unfortunately, things are not stopping there, no sir. One phrase that automatically indicates you should be anywhere else in the world but in that chair is, "Tell me if it hurts." Then the gentle tapping starts. And when I say gentle tapping, I mean banging away. They cut you a break - the first tap is never the problem....

Dentist: I'm going to tap. Tell me if it hurts. BANG. Does that hurt?

Me: [recoiling in terror] Nope.

Dentist: Does this hurt? BANG.

Me: Nope.

Dentist: Here? BANG.

Me: OMFG YES, THAT'S DEFINITELY THE ONE, YES SIR, YOU HAVE DEFINITELY HIT IT, I HOPE I DIDN'T WET YOUR CHAIR.

And they look at you as if you're being unreasonable by screaming when they slam your painful spot with a sledgehammer.

Some think dentists are nazis, getting off on inflicting pain.

Dentist: I'm going to tap. Tell me if it hurts. BANG. Does that hurt?

Me: [recoiling in terror] Nope.

Dentist: Does this hurt? BANG.

Me: Nope.

Dentist: No? How about here? BANG. No? Here? BANG.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAH.

Dentist: So here, right?  BANG.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAH - right.

Dentist: Ok, how about here?

and it becomes almost a game, like Pound the Pain, or Pound the Gopher, or Pound the Patient. The really good dentists manage to keep a straight face when they hit you, some not even displaying symptoms of sexual excitement.

Finally the doctor pronounces a diagnosis, which you cannot pronounce.

Well, Mr. lefty, you have a dog stuck in your jaw. This is called canine mandible impactus.

What can you do - it hurts?

Well, we can shave some of the tail hair down, so it doesn't get into your mouth.

But it hurts.

Here's what we gonna do: we'll make you another appointment in eight weeks, and you'll come in. We'll get out the canine mandible impactus meter to check everything out. Then we'll do a short procedure called a canine mandible no impactus, which should take care of your problem. Ok?

Ummm... ouch... I was kinda hoping you could do something today, to get rid of the pain.

No, we can't possibly do that - we won't get as much money that way. Here's what I'll do: I'm going to send another of our personable techs to discuss finances with you.  You think you're in pain now.....

• World's Smallest Books:
• Famous Jewish Basketball Players 

Don't joke about that shit.... the Anti-Defamation League will git uppity and start demanding the NBA hire more Jewish players.

Similarly speaking.....

With an upcoming spot in the Supreme Court, President Taxit promises to appoint a black woman. With a history of dumb moves, The Diversity President strikes again. This is the highest court in the land. It's rather important. You want the best and brightest. But Biden doesn't hire that way - he appoints by gender and race. This is racism and sexism to start with. If he announced he wanted a white male justice, we'd have (more) riots. And it would be illegal.

Just like my stance on tech workers, I don't care about any of your personal stats - I want the best person for the job. In my interviewing history, that's the only candidate that got hired. We turned out to be a very diverse group; but we didn't go hiring by gender, race, sexual preference, hair color, or religion.

I knew a woman who was thinking of becoming a phone sex worker, back when that was a thing. She thought it would be cool to go further and become a Mistress, with a house full of slaves; guys in maid outfits, cleaning the place, with no expectation of sex.

Did I mention we were a couple for a year?

NO, not that way. I turned in my maid outfit as soon as I was promoted. Something about maids not having mustaches and a successful game of Rock Star and Groupie. The relationship got off to an auspicious start when she showed my brother some nudes she was particularly proud of. And she had reason to be proud..

She had an amazing talent. Ok, a few amazing talents. She could do the thing that stupifies every man; take her bra off under her shirt. But she could also appear taller. She was not a tall lady, but she could dress a certain way and everybody thought she was tall. Either that or she was skilled at mass hypnosis.

This is precisely why I don't write about my girlfriends.

Somewhere out of the blue (more likely gray), I found out we were coming into a major snowstorm in a few days. I guess not paying attention is occasionally a problem. I mean, you can usually just count on it to be gray, with a few odd days of sun here and there. For some reason, we have all our groceries. Usually we're in need of something as it snows. No doubt the shelves are picked clean of milk and bread, if there was any delivered (Supply Chain Shortages). We do not get snow like Canada or Minnesota, where 12" is just an annoyance. We get 4" and everything's a mess until July. All these years with snow and the city has not figured out how to manage it. They could even ask Minnesota how they do it, but no. Wait... I know why... if they learned how to do it right, they wouldn't need a small army of snow removal workers. Nobody does anything to endanger bureaucracy (except firing toll takers to put in the Automated Spying System{ASS}). 

As you know, I've been trying to get out on weekends, so we already have the reason I can't get out this weekend. With the amount of times this has happened, you'd have to call it a conspiracy. Either that or everybody got together to make sure I never got out to bother them. Like they did to make sure I never had kids. You realize that I haven't been to Guitar Center since before the Flying AIDS. Yes, I know I'll be disappointed when I get there, but I'd at least like the option of going.

Again, remember, most heart attacks occur while shoveling, so don't shovel.

Earlier, Neil Young was cranky about Spotify and threatened to pull his music over Joe Rogan's 'misinformation' about the Flying AIDS. Neil said it was either Neil or Joe. Spotify chose Joe. Meanwhile, Apple has taken advantage, sending notice to its subscribers with playlists, tweets, and push notifications.

I spent a few seconds on this.

No disrespect to the people who are affected by this, but the problem never touched me. Why? I rip albums and CDs to my hard drive. Everything's automatically available (including a folder full of Neil Young songs). I can take it anywhere (on my phone) and no one is keeping a record of what I listen to, to market to me. I don't have an account to any streaming service because it never occurred to me that I needed to do it that way. Plus I'm not really sure the services are going to have the music I listen to. I also don't want tweets and push notifications.  Just a thought.....

• OK, WTF Is Going On With the Reddit Antiwork Subreddit and the Fox News Ambush?
• Indeed. Although the article looks at the Fox News ambush, it's interesting to note the viral posts in the subreddit.
• It looks like a bunch of waah waah waah, sprinkled with an idea here and there. Perhaps these people recently graduated from one of our Woke universities and are demanding to sit home and have somebody pay them. Most of their complaints come down to this: do something, instead of complaining. Don't like your boss or your job? Get a different one. Come up with a need and fulfill it. Prefer unions? Organize. You are responsible for you.

Washing Machine Beauty Pageant

Your love is like  slamming your finger in a car door

Michigan school superintendent is forced to deny rumor that LITTER BOXES were provided for students who are FURRIES after outraged mom claimed kids are being encouraged to identify as cats and dogs

Today I identify as  Bob Dylan

Today's most coherent headline

Caf ruling means Comoros without recognised keeper for last-16 tie live on BBC

 You need a new pillow

Why - the current one works great.

It's kinda old. Who knows what's crawling around inside.

Like me?

I bought you two to choose from.

So this is a done deal and you're just notifying me?

They're really nice.

I tried one once. Couldn't sleep. I'll try again (because there are no other pillows in the house).

How was the pillow? 

Tall.

How did you sleep? 

I didn't.

But those are the top of the line Memory Pillows. They remember better than we do.

I believe you.

I love them. I sleep well on them.

You mean when you sleep, right?

Ok, fine. What's wrong with them? 

Remember my old pillow? It was an old POS, about 3" tall?

Yes, it was old, ugly, and needed to be replaced.

The pillows that remember are about 6" tall.

Aren't they great? 

Aside from hurting my neck and not being able to sleep, they're wonderful. What we have here seems to be a problem in the vertical plane. Whereas your Remembering pillow is 6" tall and causes all sorts of trouble, my old pillow, which apparently threw itself out when I wasn't looking, only ventured 3" vertically, but performed flawlessly. Will your pillow remember if we saw it in half?

But we'll never find one like your old POS, thin pillow.

This presents a problem, doesn't it? Do you mean to tell me no store on earth has POS thin pillows?

I don't think so. I'll look.

["I'll look" translates to "You'll love that pillow. Just give it a chance. Don't sleep for a week and twist your neck around backwards."]

Meanwhile, at dinner.......

Here, have some cauliflower.

I don't like cauliflower.

It's good for you.

That's nice, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't like it.

It's innocuous.

It looks like brains.

Just try it.

I have tried it. I don't like it.

It has vitamins in it.

So does my vitamin bottle.

Just eat it for a week.

It makes my stomach vault it out at ridiculous speeds. It could take your head off.

One week.

If it makes me nauseous, why do you think I should eat it?

It's good for you.

I have a neat concept: allow me to decide what's good for me.

Oprah made pizza crust out of it.

I'll bet she didn't eat it.

I put some in your pasta last night.

I couldn't understand why your pasta made me want to decorate the walls. It's always been so good. I didn't want to say anything....

UPDATE: new pillow appeared. Looks to be same size as Deep Memory pillows.

Sometimes it's just me (?)  

I know I'm different than the other employees.

When I was little, my mom used to tell me I was different than the other boys. Now that I'm older, 'different' has a different definition.

At work, once a month, I receive a file. I add some specific information and post it to our group's file share. I sent out an email to let everyone know, with a link.

This was my first mistake.

In a recent meeting, everyone wanted to know where that file I used to put together is. [start of banging my head on the desk]

COWORKER 1: I need to get a copy of it.

ME: Look in the group's file share.

COWORKER 1: I liked when you sent it in spreadsheet format. I can work better with it.

ME: Look in the group's file share.

BOSS: I get a list every month

COWORKER 2: lefty used to send a file out every month

ME: Look in the group's file share.

COWORKER3: I go to a different place to look at it.

ME: That place is old and no longer updated, per the email I sent. Look in the group's file share.

[HUGE crash in my kitchen]

BOSS: Oh, the older list has info the newer doesn't have.

ME: Yes, that's old info. Ignore that.

COWORKER2: Well where do we find that?

ME: Look in the group's file share. TAP TAP TAP - is this thing on?

EVERYBODY: Yes, we can hear you.

ME: [so the roadblock here is understanding me, specifically that the file is in the group's file share, where every single one of files are]

BOSS: I noticed that you have a few versions of the file in the file share.

ME: Yes, they're labeled JANUARY, FEBRUARY, MARCH, etc.

BOSS: I want to delete the old files.

ME: [because no one in the group can tell the difference between clearly labeled months? Why is this a problem? Were my coworkers hired under the Special Initiative, where we hire people who have special needs? Oops, no. The special needs people have no trouble understanding this.]

BOSS: lefty - are you ok with this?

ME: [I try never to argue with the boss, because I like my job. But there has never been a reason to disagree with my boss since I started with the company.] No problem.  [shaking head, which hurts from banging it on the desk Feeling very dizzy.] 

BOSS: Ok, so we can keep the latest month's version only. Is everybody good with this? 

ME: [Ok, no, I am not ok with this. I work with a group of really intelligent people. We get awards for our work. Are you really going to tell me this is an issue? We have wasted an hour and a half of our precious meeting time on me telling people to go look in the place we keep all our files. It seems to be a serious roadblock. Do we need to bring in a consultant to explain this to everyone?]

BOSS: Ok, are we all good on this? 

Everybody: [total silence...crickets]

BOSS: Ok, we'll take it up at the next meeting.

ME: [internal voice: This is why people 'Go Postal' and kill their coworkers]

• Former Pope Benedict failed to act over abuse, new report finds
• just like every other one of them - rout them out from the top and start over

Flying AIDS News 

Booster shots needed against omicron, CDC studies show

Covid: Clashes at Belgium protest against restrictions

German Covid protests turn nasty in row over rules and vaccinations

Vaccine mandates: 'I lost my job for being unvaccinated'

Unvaccinated 5X more likely to get omicron than those boosted, CDC reports

Two cannabinoids have opposing effects on SARS-CoV-2 in culture

New Mexico asks Guard to sub for sick teachers amid omicron

This is a pretty substantial event, even with their lack of teaching certification.

I see this going off the rails, like Biden addressing Qanon

• MATH: Johnny has two AR-15s. Billy has one. How many rounds can Johnny fire?
• HISTORY: The Abrams tank is the most advanced tank ever made - discuss
• SOCIAL STUDIES: After a city defunds the police, who do they call when BLM peacefully loots and sets fire to businesses?
• CHEMISTRY: With airplane fuel at $13 per gallon, how much is wasted every time there is a cross-country 'training flight'? 
• GYM: Give me 20, MAGGOT!

So because work uses Windows, my machine doesn't work. I have to call Helpdesk.

You know you're in trouble when the Helpdesk recording says they're experiencing 'higher than normal call volumes.'

Then it asks you a bunch of questions you can't answer.

Then it asks you if you'd rather just hang up and have the system call you back at first availability.  This is a brilliant scheme on the part of Helpdesk. It works like this: you tell it to call you back and it doesn't. This takes call volume way down.

Eventually you talk to a human (hopefully). They're all in the US, thankfully, but sometimes their regional accents are confusing (Y'all).

When the technician pops up, she recites a paragraph or two that sounds like she's reading it mechanically. She should probably drop in a curse or two, maybe a death threat, to see if I'm listening.

No, this has not happened to anyone else. Just me.

Here's where it gets weird (no, really? just here?): the machines are locked down. I can't do much other than change backgrounds, which I haven't. I have a personal computer if I want to mess with stuff, so it's hands off the work machine. Yet it still drives into a wall and refuses to cooperate. My only theory is that the machine knows how I feel about Windows and breaks itself.

• Just a health reminder: most heart attacks occur while shoveling snow
• Exercise causes cancer
• please take care of yourself - I can't afford to lose any readers
• the CDC, which gets better drugs than the rest of us, says 90% of the US has poor diet, 25% don't exercise

Hippos can recognise their friends' voices

My cousin can, with 90% accuracy. We call her hippo-on-a-bus.

One of the greatest experiences of visiting California was the Sacramento Zoo. I saw the hippos and said, "Look, there's Jean!" Not only were we amused, several of the people around us laughed. I guess they knew her too.

• After 7 years, a spent Falcon 9 rocket stage is on course to hit the Moon
• We spend a lot of time blowing up the Moon. First we blew up something to hear it ring, then we bombed it from Earth, now it's a rocket stage.

Alien1: Kee-rist, they've done it again!

Alien2: Earth has once again thrown something at their moon.

Alien1: If they're not leaving trash, they're bombing it. Dirty species.

Alien2: They can't join the rest of us until they learn good stewardship. Have you seen the space around their planet?

Alien1: It's full of debris, plus spy satellites.

Alien2: It's a sick planet.

Alien1: I guess we better pack up and head home. We'll come back in a couple hundred years and see if they made any progress.

Alien2: I have 500 megaquarks on them weaponizing the moon. Alien3 says they destroy all life and all that's left is their moon and something called Keith Richards.

Alien1: Dude...... The Stones!

• Say you've got 1/4 of the US nuclear weapon stockpile - roughly 2500 warheads. Say it's at Naval Base Kitsap in Washington state (it is).
• How are you going to guard it? With dolphins, of course.
• eels aren't interested, who knew ferrets couldn't swim, and cats kept trying to set off the missiles.

Flying car wins airworthiness certification

This is the future, folks!

The carplane has a single BMW engine, so it won't use turn signals on the ground.

I was really curious about how the space issues were handled, but it requires a pilot license and is handled just like a plane.

The article mentions other companies are working on pilotless planes.

Call me a control freak, but I want a pilot there. I hope there's never a problem, but I want a pilot there, just in case. Large planes have up to three pilots.

I'm funny that way.

for only $92k, you can prepurchase a person-size drone to fly. No license needed.

This entire class will fail when it's discovered you can't give the finger to other flyers.

• Hactivists say they hacked Belarus rail system to stop Russian military buildup
• threaten to make New York City's subway run on time if not paid

SJWow Factor

Virginia Public School Students Made To Play ‘Identify Your Privilege’ Bingo

Samsung pulls ad with drag queen after backlash

M&Ms characters to become more inclusive

My Service Elephant is Threatening to Leave Me for Somewhere Warm

 Your love is like   old shrimp left in the car during summer

What Year is It? Nearly a Third of the iTunes Top 100 Taken By Oldies, New Releases Not Catching On

The question is not what year this is, the question is why new music sucks.

Today I identify as   a tutu

• A Vegetarian Nugget Enthusiast’s Review of the New KFC Beyond Vegan Nugget
• "I felt like I’d ingested several big smooth aquarium stones"

Stunned by the death of Meat Loaf (Marvin Ade - 74), possibly of the Flying AIDS.

Meet lefty  

One of my food imperatives is No Fruit and Chocolate.

There is absolutely no point in diluting chocolate with anything other than more chocolate.

I am offended by just about nothing. You have to work very diligently to upset me.

But the one thing... the only thing that really offends me... is houndstooth. It just disgusts me. Naturally it's very popular. And women wearing it have no idea how it offends me.

Poor Mrs. lefty.

• What with the Flying AIDS-infected hamsters in China, it's getting difficult to find my hamster pr0n.
• China is a very silly place.

Today's entry into the Airplane 5G sparring match is that Verizon and AT&T are postponing 5G deployments near some airports. So don't worry, there's still a chance that a plane will not know how high up it is and land on your house. 

Also, the FAA estimates 78% of planes can now land at airports with 5G.

So there's only a 22% chance a plane will use your house as a landing strip.

• Remember when Whiggers were white kids trying to look and be black?

I've had android tablets for a while. The latest has a touchscreen. After using it for a month, I go to use the touchscreen on all of my tablets and laptop, only to be disappointed because it's not there. This is exactly what I suffered when I had one car with steering wheel-mounted gearshift and the other with floor mounted shift. I was always reaching for the wrong place.

Flying AIDS News

Oral CBD Prevented COVID-19 Infection in Real-World Patients, Study Suggests

COVID testing firm piled unprocessed swabs in trash bags, billed feds $113M

Aiming to make CDC nimble, agency director has rankled many

Two-thirds of corona jab reactions caused by placebo effect - study

Covid PCR tests could be replaced with X RAYS that are almost 100% accurate

Covid: Did Pfizer's boss cast doubt on his own vaccine?

Was South Africa ignored over mild Omicron evidence?

Inmates sue Arkansas doc, jail after unknowingly taking dangerous doses of ivermectin

• A group of more than 100 of the world's richest people have called on governments to make them pay more tax.
• The group rescinded their plea after the medicine kicked in.

1. assuming no unfair tax breaks, why should the rich pay more than others?
2. perhaps the tax system is grossly unfair and needs to be less draconian...it would be more effective if the rich made noise about this. Close the IRS.

Asked about the Russian situation in Ukraine, President Biden said he needed to have a chat with one of those Il Jungs to 'cut it out.'

• TIP: How to look your best on a video call
• turn off the camera 

Bummer: it looks like Fedex will not be adding lasers to some of their planes, to deflect missiles.

Windows - it's not an operating system - it's a virus.

I'm minding my own business, working, when the machine reboots. All by itself. It loses the entire setup I had. When it eventually returns, it DINGs and tells me it has to reboot. This time I have a choice, so I selected 4 hours. It waited two hours and rebooted again. I notice that the machine next to it doesn't do this. I'm not 100% sure, but it might be because the machine next to it uses linux, not Windows.

Then the work machine does some 'updating' then more rebooting. By the time it fully boots up, it's time to shut down. But I like my job and want to complete the work. In most places, if you say "But it's preventing me from getting my work done," you will get some action. Unfortunately, it rarely involves removing Windows from the machine.

I think the machine is retarded anyway. It likes to sit there and stare at me, sometimes twirling the spinny thing. Maybe it's waiting for the top of my head to explode. It still refuses to bring up Outlook in the size I left it. Microsoft products like to have ALL of the screen real estate, so it comes up full screen, then I have to readjust it. Then do the same thing the next day. It had to reboot four times while I worked. After the fourth time, work won't let me connect. Windows has caused more headaches, shotgun holes, demoralization, and depression than any other operating system.

It's not like I dislike Windows; I just hate it.

If you're feeling generally down, depressed, or suffering Existential Agita, I've got news: scientists warn that the sixth mass extinction has 'probably started'. Yes, we've finally done it to ourselves. The scientists recommended obtaining specimens of extinct species to put in museums. This seems contradictory... why have museums if most of us are going to be extinct?

Alive or dead, ThermionicEmissions will continue.

• It’s Time to Admit the Theragun is a Sex Toy
• Ouch. Don't put that thing near your Thangs. That's assault.

We're food shopping now.

And when I say we're food shopping, I mean I'm working and Wife calls me from the supermarket, asking me questions. Then calls me back five minutes later, to discuss more things. It occurs to me I hear from her more remotely at the store than at home. So far she's said goodbye four times, then continued with the updates. 

Oh my god, this package of toilet paper is $27.

Does it wipe you automatically?

There's no candy.

NO CANDY? That's pretty weird. This means they sold all those $20 packages of M&Ms. Why are there less items than last week?

I'm at yogurt now. Oops, there was a sale. Not a single one you would eat.

What was their excuse last week?

They have almost no frozen pizza. Hmm... croissant crust.

Sounds dreadful.

I think it sounds good.

Ah, then it's my favorite too. What do you suppose that exploding crust company has against regular old pizza? They have croissant crust but not 'the kind I buy down the block crust.' What's it called - Neopolitan? Scungilli? Flat? Wavy? Saggy - that's probably it - saggy. Where you bite into it and half the cheese falls in your lap. This is most unfortunate if you're wearing shorts. The emergency room said they have 5 cases per week of Pizza Burn. They greatly prefer it to 'I fell on the light bulb and it went up my butt.'

Are you through? 

Not likely.

G-bus, the soda costs more than meat.

So does the toilet paper.

We're going to have to cut down.

On toilet paper?

Well, I'm not going without soda, so I guess it's meat.

Have you kept your soda IV line clean?

When I don't, the dog does. Hmmmm.... bread. We can have any bread we want, so long as it's bread we don't like.

How about white? Have we fallen that low?

No white - it's like a corporate diversity conference. There's wheat.

I thought you liked me.

Wait, I found ours... it's under a wheat loaf. If you don't mind it compressed to half its size... maybe I can iron it out.. OK, I'm almost done, seeya soon.

Ok.

Did you want any salad? 

That's the green stuff, right?

Never mind, I'll be right there. 

Bye.

Do we need lemons? 

[click]

After that horror, I needed to treat myself to some music while I worked. And it should be pretty loud, the way music is supposed to be heard.

Hello. HELLO? HELLO?

Oops. Hello?

[when Wife calls, my phone automatically answers and puts her on speaker*]

I didn't hear it ring.

I should be home soon.

Didn't you tell me that already?

We don't drink, do we? 

Not as far as I remember, but they say alcohol affects the memory.

Ok, be right there after I sit for a moment. My back hurts.

[back home, back to work]

You know, I never finished my loud music. Lemme try again.

[rockin and rollin]

bzzz hrmmff szing? 

And it's not likely that I'm going to finish listening to my loud music until after she goes to bed.

• Today I learned that when a politician has a fireside chat, it does not mean someone sets them on fire. Now I know.

[*this could lead to an immense amount of trouble, now that I think of it. Last time I didn't hear it ring, it put her on speaker in my pocket. Do you know how upsetting it is to suddenly hear your pocket talking to you? Hopefully after a while you realize your pocket is talking to you in your spouse's voice. Much of this seems to come from loud music, so eventually it comes down to music or spouse. Ahem.

The fact that the phone answers and puts her on speaker shows the total trust between us. Because if I were the kind of guy who kept a small harem offsite, and I visited that harem, and my phone rang... let's say I'd have to stay with the harem permanently.

It has worked well while guitar shopping. When my pants start to ring and talk to me, it puts the salesman at a distinct disadvantage. Especially when I say "What voices? I don't hear anybody talking."]

• I'm probably gonna get shunned for this, but I went looking for a live song or two by the Mamas and the Papas because I never heard them live. They were good. I'm a Mama Cass fan and my appreciation only increased after listening to her harmonies. Mama Michelle looked like she was along for the ride.
• I'm sure there were substances involved, but at least Papa John could keep his eyes open. Before he spit out his liver.
• This from a guy who doesn't consume substances and falls around the stage in his own completely uncoordinated way.

So ya know that Havana Syndrome, where American employees at foreign embassy locations were getting sick?

Never fear, the CIA has looked into it.

They say a majority of 1,000 cases looked at by the CIA can be explained by stress or natural causes.

Ummm.... this is the silliest excuse since 'swamp gas' and 'mass hallucination.'  All 1,000 people had the same reaction to stress or natural causes, only at embassies? Unless natural causes means 'foreign measures to make people sick,' it doesn't take a doctor to figure out the explanation is hogwash [technical term]. I'm not claiming to know the cause - I just know the answer was pulled out of a hamster's rectum.

President Biden realized his multi-trillion dollar law just didn't produce enough tax revenue, so he introduced the Nose-Picking Tax. Every time you pick your nose, he demands 5%. If you come out with anything, that's 10%,

Speaking of President Taxit, Mrs. lefty asked if I had seen him on tv recently. She is very concerned about his cognitive decline. He looks like someone dragged him onstage and kept fading out. She observed he's not present, "and I'm the queen of not being present." She's not wrong.

She also said this shows the unfortunate way the administration treats anybody with a mental difficulty.

Planned Obsolescence is the term.

We're applying it here to can openers.

We've owned a number of them, and they break. Mostly electric.

Since the most recent electric one broke, I was relegated to a manual opener for my soup. It's bad enough I have so much trouble attaching it (they're made only for the right handed), but as I was turning the knob, it simply exploded. Have you ever seen a can opener explode? It wasn't the soup, fortunately. When I turned the knob, after praying to the Can Opener Gods that I had it attached, it went BOING, with parts and screws and springs and thongs flying in every direction. 

There are times when I just give up. I don't even throw a fit of massive proportions, I just shake my head and walk off, mumbling something or other about the Universe being out to get me or that I ask for so little, and everybody else in the known universe can open a can of soup for dinner.

I threw what was left of the opener away and carefully examined the soup can. It had a little indentation that looked like someone had tried to open it and failed due to a broken can opener. I know this is very serious, because if the can opened, you can get botulism or poisoning or gonorrhea. With that in mind, I'm saving it for guests.

The doctors tell me I have a problem. This is not news, fellas.

They say thinking the Universe is against me is paranoia.

I remind them that even if you're paranoid, it doesn't mean the universe isn't out to get you. And that I'm not paranoid. The doctors get concerned and all lemon-faced, reaching in their books to find the medicine best suited for thinking the Universe is against them. When you read the insert to the medicine, it says it's good for people who think the Universe is out to get them, but NOT if it involves can openers, so it's back to the pharmacy.

I dunno, I tell them... if every can opener has failed spectacularly and the last car got hit over a dozen times, it's not coincidence.

UPDATE: I spoke with Wife about exploding can opener. She informs me there's a new electric one. In the closet. Obviously I should have known there was a new one in the closet before fighting with the manual one.

The Grocery Shrink Ray has raised its ugly head again, this time with everybody's favorite non-chocolate candy - Smarties. There are now less Smarties in each little twisty piece of cellophane. This is prophane.

• Microsoft Teams is pretty cool, and by cool, I mean WHAT?
• Twice I've tried to modify my status to Out of Office, and twice it has assured me I'm in a meeting. Which one do I go with? And will I ever get my lunch?

RIP Howard Alexander Dumble (77, stroke)

You probably don't know the name, but you heard his amplifiers. Stevie Ray Vaughn, Robben Ford, Larry Carlton, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Jackson Browne, John Mayer, and a whole host of others used his amps. He was notoriously reclusive. The amps were all built by hand, very slowly. As a result, existing Dumble amps went for ridiculous amounts of money. People were willing to pay $35,000 and way more. As there will be no more, these prices will skyrocket. I predict over $100,000.

ASSUME NAPPING POSITIONS

 Your love is like  vegan chicken

• I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get

Today I identify as  a normal guy  

Deep Thoughts 

The best thing about not getting around to putting your Christmas tree up is that you don't have to take it down.

• LibreOffice, the free, open source office suite, will support Klingon in the upcoming release.
• Until you have normal people writing software, this is the sort of thing you'll get. But normal people don't write software, so it's an endless loop.
• If you're going to take the time to author a language based upon a tv character, why not Baywatch? Let's use a little forward thinking.... whenever you think Klingon, you think one of those ugly fellers. If you had used Baywatch... 

Today's Tesla Item

Teen hacker finds bug that lets him control 25+ Teslas remotely

DON'T hook anything to the net or allow any signal outside of the car.

FedEx wants to equip some aircraft with military-style missile countermeasures

Either they're really serious about getting your package there, or incredibly stupid, but well-insured.  They claim the point of this exercise is to destroy anything fired at them (in hostile areas or from hostile customers).

• UPS wants to put those hub spikes on their tires, to shred any other traffic.
• DHL is looking at heat-seeking laser technology for its trucks.
• I want a tank. That's not so unreasonable, is it?
• The White House wants FedEx planes to fly in front of Air Force One.

Doggie Laments 

Marshall was curious about why he didn't have buttocks.

Penny is upset that evolution did not equip her to use a straw, especially after I got that cold coffee drink.

Marshall was very smart: he figured out how to get the lids off the coffee. This did not work well when I was driving. I put the cup down, he removed the lid and went face-down. I put the lid back and he took it off again.

Penny... well.... she's very pretty.

• I just saw the phrase 'famous YouTuber.'
• Now my stomach is upset and I can't go out for fear of emptying it in public
• Andy Warhol is spinning in his grave because there just isn't the time in the world for everybody to get their 15 minutes.

Flying AIDS News 

Body temperature may not be an effective gauge of covid-19

Fourth Pfizer Dose Is Insufficient to Ward Off Omicron, Israeli Trial Suggests

China tells citizens to avoid mail from abroad and open packages with gloves, claiming that Omicron is spreading through foreign post    China wins Best Excuse for Covid award

Pregnant people are still not getting vaccinated against COVID

Pfizer and Moderna expect seasonal booster shots after omicron wave

not tied to earnings - we swear!  

Covid vaccine: Your concerns answered  [BBC]

Doctor loses license, must have psych evaluation for COVID falsehoods, board says       She's a witch - BURN HER!  This is some sick shit here.

Well, since China says the Flying AIDS could come from international mail, we did some more Science to find where else it could come from

• new tissues from Australia
• oil changes
• licking toads
• all varieties of cardboard
• right breasts

Saving Money 

I keep seeing reminders to make sure the fire and smoke detectors are up and working. After 20 years of trying to get Mrs. lefty out of the house, it's apparent that there's no point in having a smoke detector: she will die first, before she even gets to the door...

BZZT BZZT BZZT

FIRE! FIRE!

We have to get out - the house is on fire.

I need my pocketbook.

HURRY UP!

Wait, where did I put my phone?

All they'll find of us is a pile of carbon.

I need a cigarette.

The dog and I are leaving...

What do I wear to a fire? 

We're going out the door!

You stand outside and I'll start throwing shoes.

I read that you don't die from fire - you die first from smoke.

Where's my..... [THUD]

• The airlines and phone industries would like to let you know that the new 5G phone service won't/may/will affect plane altimeters. All the industries have rushed to get ahead of this potential problem (in the press) and have put their best people on it. Thus far they have done exactly nothing.
• After a very large cash payout, the airline industry says how high the plane is isn't really all that important.
• So if one of those large commercial jets seems waaaaay too low over your house, don't worry - at least you have 5G phone coverage.

It's flipping snowing again. I know this because I walked by a window.

This snow in the winter thing must go. Who do I talk to?

There's just too much involved in moving someplace with a real climate, so the Snow Must Go. Final Sale! Up to 90% off!

Because it is snowing, I must assume the weather forecasters said it was going to be sunny. My phone's weather app told me it would snow. I never have to fire well behaved apps. Weather forecasters never get fired.

Unless this was a Noreaster. For some reason, all the stops get pulled out for Noreasters. Even the forecasters aren't completely sure what a Noreaster is, but the coverage on it is 24/7. Bread and milk were sold out days ago, because it might be a Noreaster. I guess one positive thing for some inveterate weather watchers is the greater screen time given to the Large Breasted Weatherlady. What fans of the Large Breasted Weatherlady don't know is that all they see onscreen is her face and her prodigious mammalian protuberances. Below her waist is a pair of buttocks that requires backup beepers. I know some guys are into this, but if she stands in front of your 50" tv, she will block it out like a solar eclipse. Scientists have not spent much time studying the Butt Eclipse and can you blame them? If I worked at NASA, I'd much rather study the Breast Eclipse, wouldn't you?

A friend in Texas said they were reeling from the cold - it was only 60 degrees.

I can't move there - I don't have a pickup truck. Or guns.

Based upon my one trip there, I'd move. The people were frighteningly nice.

And most importantly, the lefty guitar shop is in Houston.

• There are over 100,000 disappeared people in Mexico.
• Long a sacred place, tourism spots now see violence.
• I'd probably avoid a Mexican vacation (unless your relationship isn't going well)

With the Russia-Ukraine dispute heating up, we'd like to tell you there are greater peacemaking operations happening. Dune buggy races on Mars! Any country with a buggy on the red planet is competing. This is what makes humanity great.

There are times......

The Most Recent January Ever

 Your love is like  flaked off skin bits

Sometimes things are so incredibly huge, I miss them completely.

One of those things is Mandatory Male Facial Hair. Go ahead and check it out... most men have it. The mustache that goes down around the chin and comes back on the other side.  It's beyond a style - it's more of a virus. Musicians who have had long hair for 30 years, now sport Mandatory Male Facial Hair. Eddie Van Halen even had it. Maybe that's what killed him....

Today I identify as  one of those Klingon hotties

She was a perfect specimen:

She had legs that went on forever, ending at her butt.

Her butt was shapely and both buttocks were the same shape.

Her stomach was flat. Her feet were flat. Her chest was probably flat too, as the implants would indicate. She should have spent a few more dollars on the implants, because they looked like two eyes that look different directions at the same time.

Her mind was like a Kardashian - constantly at odds with reality.

Her nose was just perfect, and tended not to move around too much.

Her eyes were two in number, found to be the optimal configuration.

She had a nice personality. Only one.

She had a nice pudenda - it was a Ford Pudenda; she drove it to work every day

She had very enticing female bits, not at all similar to mine.

• Are you a fan of the blues? If so, you need to listen to BellyUp4Blues. I hate everything and this is my favorite station. I always hear something new. It's more Stevie Ray Vaughan than BB King. You can find it on some of your streaming services, as well as the home page https://bellyup4blues.com/
• It's free, no commercials, and the guy who runs it puts in all his time - if you like it, make a contribution.  https://bellyup4blues.com/

There's a movement in Corporate America to clear up Fridays. It's called Fsck Fridays or something - I don't pay attention. The idea is that Friday is kept meeting-free so you can get some work done, as well as 'grow yourself.'

Well, now that they admit that meetings kill productivity, why not kill them entirely? Or limit them to 30 or 60 seconds? We're all about compromise.

Since I'm an Idea Man, I'd like to build on the (alleged) success of Fsck Fridays, with a few more suggestions

• alcohol afternoons. Or mornings.
• oral sex before you leave. It puts you in a relaxed mood and makes commuting home so much nicer.
• after you're done Growing Yourself via YouTube courses, grow yourself via YouTube. Spend time really checking out other courses. Or something. Play 'Stump YouTube', where you see if they have anything on really obscure bands.
• You can also grow yourself with ice cream!
• Your body spends a lot of resources digesting food, so nap after lunch.
• And if you have some time, get some work done!

Our friends for the First Amendment, the Satanists, have opened a club at an Illinois elementary school. This group does not believe in Satan, and promotes 

'benevolence and empathy, critical thinking, problem solving, creative expression and personal sovereignty.' Sounds like something the parents and school should be doing. Naturally there are cries from the masses, with pitchforks and torches.

Disallowing the group would be a violation of the First Amendment, especially if there are any other religious groups on premises. Naturally, ThermionicEmissions stands with them, not only for the First Amendment reasons, but because they get so many people who don't understand the First Amendment so upset. By this token, I support any religion having a club. Don't forget - if you manage to get one group thrown out, your group is next.

• Polish diocese apologizes for asking if sex abuse victim is gay and if he enjoyed sexual encounters with priest
• there are so many good, nice Catholics. Just not above a certain level in the Church hierarchy.
• unfortunately it's Reality Time<tm>: this is something a lawyer does in defense of his client. Take them apart in any way possible.
• but abuse can alter your sexuality, which the lawyer apparently doesn't know or thinks the jury doesn't know

CRANSTON, R.I. (AP) — The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Rhode Island has opened an investigation into the North Kingstown School Department after student-athletes filed a complaint that the high school violated students’ civil rights by allowing a former boys’ basketball coach to disrobe athletes for “fat tests” for two decades.

The coach always wanted to be a priest.......

ThermionicEmissions works for you

Remember I discovered Coke and Coke products were going flat in record time? I contacted customer service and am waiting on their response.

• I hear noises from my ex-neighbor's yard. I look out every time, hoping to see her. 
• When I'm done with outside noises, I hear what sounds like my ex-cat, pulling on the carpet with a nail. No idea what could be causing it. The dog is napping on the couch.
• I don't know what's worse, audio or visual hallucinations.

ThermionicEmissions - still 100% emoji-free

Every now and then I look at the meager stats Google gives me for this blog.

Interesting is that 25% of the traffic is not from the US. I'd welcome Moldova, but I can't do a Moldovan accent in type. Good luck, Ukraine.

Also, Windows is no longer the dominant operating system. It's Mac.

Chrome and Safari are the main browsers. Then there are the wogs whose systems show up as unix and browsers as Internet Explorer. If we can all get over to linux and Firefox, I'll feel much better, ok? [insert stupid smile emoji]

Deep Thoughts 

Does Queen refuse to hang around with the Queen because people keep mixing them up?

When the firemen slide down the pole, which is smaller than the one Adam Lambert uses, they stop at the floor. Has anyone done a study on how their feet hold up from the immediate stop?

Speaking of firemen and women, you have to take your hat off to these fine people, who do their job to 111% of their abilities. Can you imagine if firemen were like your coworkers?

• Nah, let it burn. Who wants to work on Mondays?
• The fire will wait til I have my coffee.
• I don't know about you, but I can't hold my hose after a liquid lunch.
• This is the 3rd time her cat ran up the tree. I'm not going. Tell her to get a dog - they don't climb trees.
• If he gets out, maybe little Billy will learn not to climb into water pipes.
• Just write that he spontaneously combusted. I got a hot date and don't want to smell like smoke.
• I know there's a massive car crash, but I'm on Pr0nhub. There's some new hamster pr0n today.

Best Headline of the Year

New Zealand man finds dead cockroach in ear after 3 days

Flying AIDS News

Immune system vs. virus: Why omicron had experts worried from the start

CDC to update advice on best masks—but just wants you to wear one, any of them

Supreme Court on vaccine mandates: Hospitals OK, general employment a “no”

We haven't heard righteous whining in the last 15 minutes, so here goes: There is a protest over Helen Mirren playing Golda Meir because Helen isn't Jewish. Perhaps they can replace her with Oprah.

The Left Handed Heater Eater

 Your love is like  mange

Our mouse problem here at the ThermionicMansion went nuclear after a neighbor told us they were Microsoft mice.

• Scientists Think Warm Balls Could Be the Next Male Birth Control
• No, it's ok, I brought my heater!

Today I identify as  Debbie Reynolds and Rock Hudson

RIP Ronnie Spector (Be My Baby)

In the morass of things I don't understand is my little office space heater. I set it to a temperature and it heats the room. It does this cyclically. When it hits the temperature, the heating elements turn off and the thing shoots out cold air. Even though I don't fully grok heating, I don't see where the heater is supposed to spew out cold air. Maybe it feels insecure and is trying to keep its job by making it cold. Maybe the manufacturer wants me to keep buying them, because I don't understand why the fan runs - maybe it's broken. Maybe I'll return it for a bigger one, with a remote control. Cuz, you know, it sits 3 feet from me, and leaning over is strenuous and stressful. Maybe Wife stays up all night, worried about it trying to get me sick. Maybe Wife stays up all night anyway, and this is just a decent place to hang her hat.

Since it's cold, maybe it has something to do with the soda we just bought. We can open a can, take a sip, and put it back for a day or two, with no trouble. The latest cans won't last overnight. Just flat. Incidentally all Coke products. This is very disconcerting. Perhaps Coke wants us to take in mind the fact the cans don't sit well, and just drink a can at a pop. Then buy more cans. We're probably lucky the cans stayed twelve ounces, as opposed to my grapefruit soda, at 11.5 ounces, and the ice cream, at gallon quarts liter. The Great Ice Cream Shrinkage works out well for the manufacturer and the company that makes the cartons. Whenever they shrink the ice cream (again), there's a new charge for prototyping the new carton. The only people not happy with this arrangement are the buyers of said ice cream. Screw the consumers anyway. Always make sure of which frozen treat you're purchasing, because Breyers, an old favorite, can no longer call itself ice cream, because it doesn't have the required ice. Or cream. Or milk fat. This is by law. You certainly don't want to be taking out your carton of Breyers, when someone says 'ice cream' and SWAT knocks down your front door, because you can't call it ice cream by law. Like removing the tag from a mattress. If you forget and this happens, I find that offering the SWAT guys a bowl of 'frozen ice treat' usually calms things down.

Then you go to places like Dairy Queen, where the white, frozen stuff flows from a lever or knob or something. I've heard it called Soft Serve. It's definitely not as tasty as actual ice cream, but in a malt, it works just fine. Or over a hot fudge brownie, but don't get me started. Now that the wife's out visiting for a few days, there's no tellin' what I'll get up to. She may come home to find me sitting in a pile of half-eaten formerly hot fudge brownies. Again, this is her fault for not getting me a babysitter when she goes away. If she had gotten our hot neighbor to sit, there would be no chocolate fudge brownie mess on the living room floor. I cannot vouch for chocolate syrup mess anywhere else, though.

But I'm just kidding - we have no hot neighbors. I don't know if there was a zoning issue or what, but there isn't a single hottie up and down the block. And 90 year olds on either side of me (ok, one just died from the Flying AIDS). It works out wonderfully, as there are also no kids, but why no just-short-of-models? Professional babysitters? If they're younger than me, I can adjust... I try to be flexible. We could play rock star and groupie, Find the Stratocaster, and Do You Want Cream with That.

• this electric bike rental thing looks like a really good idea.
• provided your friends don't see you riding one 

We're having difficulty with phone companies. Who isn't, you're asking yourself. This time it's more insidious: it's text messages between phones with different carriers. Wife can text me about 50% of the time, I can't text her at all (before you say she doesn't want to hear from me, I checked). A friend had a lot of trouble texting me over different carriers. Everybody else can text me just fine. The carriers point at each other and naturally don't want to deal with this (I don't want to deal with paying the bill). Not at fault is our encrypted text app, Signal. Highly recommended.

• What's wrong with the UK? Before you send me a list, they're now watching Judge Judy. Aside from her being the nastiest, ugliest, negative stereotype on tv, it shows us the UK has no taste, plus a certain percentage of them will think we here in the US are all like that.
• from watching UK police shows, I know the worst thing one can do is raise one's voice and curse. They'll deal with a stabbing in its time, but if you start cursing, they'll lock you up and throw away the key. You can also be disposed of for using 'racial language.'

It's a big mash of guilt, abandonment, and Other Stuff<tm>, here at home. Since Wife is away for a few days, Dog is very upset. She sits by the window and pines for her mommy. I've heard actual whining.

So she sits next to me in my office (or rather, my heater). I'm the fallback parent. Unfortunately, I'm working, so I have less time to pay attention to the poor thing.

So she goes to her sofa (which used to be my sofa) naps, and occasionally gets up to stretch between naps. While it's a good life, it makes me feel guilty. I think I heard her whine by the (full) food bowl this morning, which makes me wonder what she gets fed along with her food in the mornings.

Oh, the guilt (it's my heritage).

Yesterday she got the whipped cream from my malt. She loves whipped cream, then stops at the actual drink.

So she'll continue to miss her mommy and pine.

I'll continue to feel guilty.

And her mommy will continue to have a great time visiting. What is wrong with this equation?

• North Korea says it's launched a third hypersonic missile, this time reaching Mach 10
• it shot down Santa Claus and landed on the Easter Bunny 

Flying AIDS News 

Omicron forces us to rethink COVID-19 testing and treatments

FDA head: Omicron is a “natural disaster… most people are gonna get COVID”

Scientists believed Covid leaked from Wuhan lab - but feared debate could hurt ‘international harmony’

Study Finds Cannabis Compounds Prevent Infection By Covid-19 Virus - Fauci says it's ok to smoke it through your masks.

Unintentional Violence 

The Bouncy Castles are Coming to Get Us

Second child dies after Spanish bouncy castle accident

This is the third bouncy castle incident in a few weeks. This time the castle went airborne due to wind. Perhaps they should have something in the rental contract that says they're not suited for flight and to contact the FAA (and the Happy Place<tm>) if it seems like a good idea. 

Near-miss for pilot saved from downed plane hit by train

I always wonder about people who park their vehicles on the tracks, or try to race the train, but this guy crashed his plane on the tracks.

lefty's Law: when doing something death-defyingly stupid, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen. Then wait for the fscking light to change.

Unfortunately, some spend most of their lives practicing the death-defyingly stupid. Survival of the fittest? 

• Man gets genetically-modified pig heart in world-first transplant
• wife warned not to take him to restaurants with large salad bars...

Elon Musk says he’s hiking “full self driving” by another $2,000

The man's a genius... he's never out of the press. 

On the positive side, spontaneously exploding batteries are free on every model.

Hey Maw - the smart guns is comin', the smart guns is comin'!

Of all the blitheringly bitingly breathtakingly dumb things we've seen, this is way up there. If people (most likely anti-gun groups) are afraid of suicides due to the wrong person using the gun, they already know a responsible owner keeps it in a safe and/or locked. By the same token, how does one defend against home invasion if they can't fire the gun?  None of this will prevent an owner from committing suicide, but the anti-gun groups forget to mention this. Serious security people don't use fingerprints for identification as it's insecure, yet it's good enough for guns?

I don't own guns. But we all need to be staunch defenders of the Second Amendment, as well as all the others.

Biden pushes overhaul of US election laws in fiery speech

In an impassioned speech, he said he supported changes that would allow his voting reforms to be passed without the support of opposition Republicans.

He's not just dangerous for his cognitive difficulties.....

Say, aren't there one or two important fires that need to be put out?

#NoSpendJanuary  -  a challenge to spend only on bills and food.

Who comes up with this stuff? Are they in a rubber room?

Hey, let's come up with a few other random challenges....

• #NoSexSeptember
• #NoEatingMarch
• #NoChocolateApril
• #NoShoeSaturday
• #NoClothesAtWorkWeek

 I hate to burn down your childhood notions, but it turns out Vikings didn't really wear the helmets. 

(They wore bathtubs)

Scientists went to work and confirmed it, by dating a piece of tar found on a helmet.

(the two hit it off and wound up living together)

• I didn't want to say anything, but the sun's been visible for a few days
• I wonder if it's that North Korean Hyperspeed missile....

If you can immediately tell someone what size bag goes in your vacuum, you have your shit together. And you desperately need to get laid.

“Aw, screw it”: LAPD cops hunted Pokémon instead of responding to robbery

When they found him, they beat him like Rodney King.