Flu Me to the Moon - or - Forced Vacation, Day 13?

Your love is like  reading more than one of these blog entries to catch up

 Happy New Year

I hate to say this one will be better by default, because I'd just be daring the Universe.

Let's keep goals in mind:

1. get rid of the Flying AIDS 
2. get rid of the people pushing and profiting from it
3. get rid of "game changer" - we didn't do so well last year and it's even infecting tv commercials
4. finish our work removing "easy peasy" - we're almost done!
5. more to follow...

I've been run over by the irony train, yet again.

Still trying to leave the house and still sidelined by tooth and headaches that feel like drilling and other major construction work. Mrs. lefty came through, not only suggesting, but finding the Spanbesol (oral numbing stuff for spaniels and some humans). Poof - wisdom tooth not so wise. So I just need a little ibuprofen for the drilling. I can't help but notice Wife choosing this moment to fold up wrapping paper and bags.  

CRUNCH

SCREECH

BANG

CRUNCH

I had no idea bags were made of the same metal as cymbals. Sometimes I think this is on purpose, because she likes watching my eyes stare at each other and my face turn upside down. Then, when I rush for the ibuprofen, she asks if I'm ok. I listen for the giggle at the end, if I can.

While obtaining said ibuprofen, I notice a city-sized bottle of acetaminophen (Tylenol). I don't need any, thank you, but on the lid it says WARNING - ACETAMINOPHEN. I'd love to hear about the lawsuit that produced this warning. You don't buy pancake mix and it says Pancake Mix on the top. We are not a bright society.

CRUNCH

SCREECH

BANG

CRUNCH

And the inevitable "You look like shit. I'm sorry, but it's true and I have to tell the truth."

This happens now and again. I have no idea why. Normally I do what I'm told (smart husband) and go for a nap. Inevitably, in the middle of the nap, someone else joins me. Sometimes I get kisses all over my face. Sometimes it's the wife.

So the drilling has disappeared, as has the tooth pain. The dentists say wisdom tooth extraction is traumatic to the body and should only be attempted on the young. I'm over that hump. I am, however, informed that when SHE finishes her nap, we ARE going out. I don't have any trouble with this, after all, I've been trying to leave the house for months. If there were only a way to check my temperature...

At 4pm, it occurs to me that I haven't had breakfast. I've had coffee, of course, but so has the rest of the world (and their dogs). Every one of my 4 dogs loved coffee. Last night I really needed some non-caf tea. I have seen this tea move 17 times in the last year. We have enough flowery and berry tea to keep England happy for a week. Naturally I cannot find so much as a single box of it. I am left with Wife's British Blend, hi-caf bags, the size of dinner dishes. 

Ok, so I might be hungry. My stomach is making high pitched noises and complaining about the weather. That means it's a problem. Low pitched speech is just a warning. I suddenly remember there's a plate that was brought back from a party I didn't attend, full of Interesting Things. I tell my stomach this so it will shut up and go off to the fridge, where the plate isn't. I'm going to guess the plate's contents were too Interesting and someone else ate them. This is either passive-aggressive behavior for me not going to the party, or someone who DID go to the party was hungry. My stomach doesn't trust anybody either, and starts up again, complaining about the lack of quick food instead of the weather.

[insert 30 minutes]

I decided to go light, with cereal.  Since I'm allegedly an adult, I can have ice cream for breakfast at 4pm, if I want. IF there is any ice cream, which there isn't. Oddly enough, a cereal bowl was easy to locate (glove compartment of 2nd car) and fill with my very own cereal. Off to the fridge and BZZZZZZT - during my nap, someone drank all the milk. I see. It's just not worth the effort to find out if this was the same person who ate my plate of party food. I have a few good leads: the mice always leave a mess and the dog hasn't figured out how to open the fridge, so I can rule them out.

Wife is doing some sort of very interesting scientific experiment with a burger she bought the other day. I assume it's very interesting, but I haven't had time to discuss it with her. She brought it home, then got something else to eat. Last night she heated it up and got something else to eat. I think the experiment involves the effect of ignoring on a burger. I need to ask - I didn't go to college and don't understand all the wise ways of science.

Every now and then I wonder what it's like for normal people. They can find things, they can take their temperature, the Camaro in their living room starts all the time, some don't even have a Camaro in their living room, and their house doesn't randomly turn itself upside down. I supposed it would get boring after a while. If you live in any of these places, with normal lives, please send me a comment to educate me.  We have to go food shopping tonight. I'll bet you don't even have the store employee who follows you around the store, noting what you buy, and making sure the store stops carrying it. Wait - I've got it. We will live with the calamity and catastrophe but on the next forced vacation, it will stop for 2 weeks. That way we'll know what it's like, without it becoming boring!

I think I need more ibuprofen.

The lid says nothing about washing it down with whiskey.

And how did the shopping trip go?

Exactly like all the others: it didn't.