ASSUME NAPPING POSITIONS

 Your love is like  vegan chicken

• I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get

Today I identify as  a normal guy  

Deep Thoughts 

The best thing about not getting around to putting your Christmas tree up is that you don't have to take it down.

• LibreOffice, the free, open source office suite, will support Klingon in the upcoming release.
• Until you have normal people writing software, this is the sort of thing you'll get. But normal people don't write software, so it's an endless loop.
• If you're going to take the time to author a language based upon a tv character, why not Baywatch? Let's use a little forward thinking.... whenever you think Klingon, you think one of those ugly fellers. If you had used Baywatch... 

Today's Tesla Item

Teen hacker finds bug that lets him control 25+ Teslas remotely

DON'T hook anything to the net or allow any signal outside of the car.

FedEx wants to equip some aircraft with military-style missile countermeasures

Either they're really serious about getting your package there, or incredibly stupid, but well-insured.  They claim the point of this exercise is to destroy anything fired at them (in hostile areas or from hostile customers).

• UPS wants to put those hub spikes on their tires, to shred any other traffic.
• DHL is looking at heat-seeking laser technology for its trucks.
• I want a tank. That's not so unreasonable, is it?
• The White House wants FedEx planes to fly in front of Air Force One.

Doggie Laments 

Marshall was curious about why he didn't have buttocks.

Penny is upset that evolution did not equip her to use a straw, especially after I got that cold coffee drink.

Marshall was very smart: he figured out how to get the lids off the coffee. This did not work well when I was driving. I put the cup down, he removed the lid and went face-down. I put the lid back and he took it off again.

Penny... well.... she's very pretty.

• I just saw the phrase 'famous YouTuber.'
• Now my stomach is upset and I can't go out for fear of emptying it in public
• Andy Warhol is spinning in his grave because there just isn't the time in the world for everybody to get their 15 minutes.

Flying AIDS News 

Body temperature may not be an effective gauge of covid-19

Fourth Pfizer Dose Is Insufficient to Ward Off Omicron, Israeli Trial Suggests

China tells citizens to avoid mail from abroad and open packages with gloves, claiming that Omicron is spreading through foreign post    China wins Best Excuse for Covid award

Pregnant people are still not getting vaccinated against COVID

Pfizer and Moderna expect seasonal booster shots after omicron wave

not tied to earnings - we swear!  

Covid vaccine: Your concerns answered  [BBC]

Doctor loses license, must have psych evaluation for COVID falsehoods, board says       She's a witch - BURN HER!  This is some sick shit here.

Well, since China says the Flying AIDS could come from international mail, we did some more Science to find where else it could come from

• new tissues from Australia
• oil changes
• licking toads
• all varieties of cardboard
• right breasts

Saving Money 

I keep seeing reminders to make sure the fire and smoke detectors are up and working. After 20 years of trying to get Mrs. lefty out of the house, it's apparent that there's no point in having a smoke detector: she will die first, before she even gets to the door...

BZZT BZZT BZZT

FIRE! FIRE!

We have to get out - the house is on fire.

I need my pocketbook.

HURRY UP!

Wait, where did I put my phone?

All they'll find of us is a pile of carbon.

I need a cigarette.

The dog and I are leaving...

What do I wear to a fire? 

We're going out the door!

You stand outside and I'll start throwing shoes.

I read that you don't die from fire - you die first from smoke.

Where's my..... [THUD]

• The airlines and phone industries would like to let you know that the new 5G phone service won't/may/will affect plane altimeters. All the industries have rushed to get ahead of this potential problem (in the press) and have put their best people on it. Thus far they have done exactly nothing.
• After a very large cash payout, the airline industry says how high the plane is isn't really all that important.
• So if one of those large commercial jets seems waaaaay too low over your house, don't worry - at least you have 5G phone coverage.

It's flipping snowing again. I know this because I walked by a window.

This snow in the winter thing must go. Who do I talk to?

There's just too much involved in moving someplace with a real climate, so the Snow Must Go. Final Sale! Up to 90% off!

Because it is snowing, I must assume the weather forecasters said it was going to be sunny. My phone's weather app told me it would snow. I never have to fire well behaved apps. Weather forecasters never get fired.

Unless this was a Noreaster. For some reason, all the stops get pulled out for Noreasters. Even the forecasters aren't completely sure what a Noreaster is, but the coverage on it is 24/7. Bread and milk were sold out days ago, because it might be a Noreaster. I guess one positive thing for some inveterate weather watchers is the greater screen time given to the Large Breasted Weatherlady. What fans of the Large Breasted Weatherlady don't know is that all they see onscreen is her face and her prodigious mammalian protuberances. Below her waist is a pair of buttocks that requires backup beepers. I know some guys are into this, but if she stands in front of your 50" tv, she will block it out like a solar eclipse. Scientists have not spent much time studying the Butt Eclipse and can you blame them? If I worked at NASA, I'd much rather study the Breast Eclipse, wouldn't you?

A friend in Texas said they were reeling from the cold - it was only 60 degrees.

I can't move there - I don't have a pickup truck. Or guns.

Based upon my one trip there, I'd move. The people were frighteningly nice.

And most importantly, the lefty guitar shop is in Houston.

• There are over 100,000 disappeared people in Mexico.
• Long a sacred place, tourism spots now see violence.
• I'd probably avoid a Mexican vacation (unless your relationship isn't going well)

With the Russia-Ukraine dispute heating up, we'd like to tell you there are greater peacemaking operations happening. Dune buggy races on Mars! Any country with a buggy on the red planet is competing. This is what makes humanity great.

There are times......