Flying Toothsayer - or - Forced Vacation, Day 14?

 Isn't it amazing, with this vast pool of intelligence and creativity, or just creativity, that I can't keep track of days?

The gremlins are still doing their best in my wisdom tooth and the drilling continues in my head. I suggested a softer-sounding drill, but they laughed at me. That's ok, I've been laughed at most of my life.. it no longer carries the punch it used to. Even if performed by gremlins. Why is it called a wisdom tooth? It seems to contain no more wisdom than any of the other teeth. I secretly prefer the canines, just because I love dogs. The dog is next to me, having built a cozy pillow. She is a real champ at napping. I can only wish for that kind of technique and frequency. Even with my amateur standing, I just cannot nap like her.

With the tooth pain, I made a discovery: I can load in all the ice cream possible, to anesthetize the area. Like I needed an excuse. My favorite ice cream used to be Any. Now it's Ben&Jerry's Karmal Sutra. But you have to keep your hands and feet away from me when I get hold of it. Only recently have I eaten less than one container. Just once. I don't suspect it will ever happen again.

Bless her, Mrs. lefty found me some mouth lozenges. For one night, I soothed my mouth with a pleasing cherry flavor. The next morning they were gone. No one knows where they went. I checked the dog for pleasing cherry flavored breath, but nothing. They. Just. Went. Away.

Anybody got any sage?

It's miserable outside. Again. Still. Weather modification is out in the open now; I can only assume somebody wants the east coast in misery. I think out of most of my vacation, I've had two sunny days. People with Seasonal Affective Disorder are more depressed than normal, and are hiding under sun lamps the size of stadiums (DINSDALE..).

Even with all this lovely weather, chances of me leaving the house are looking up today (he says, while the Universe falls over laughing). It might actually happen, for once in months....  but it's still a shopping trip. What a bittersweet experience. I will be dragged into Lowes (oh, the humanity). Feeling less than optimal, I will not react well to Supply Channel Issues, but moreso Employee Channel Issues. So if you check the news and hear of a customer going batshit and launching tractors, you might know him. Last time I launched hoes and brooms. The only reason I didn't get kicked out was that I did more restocking  work than the employees and was offered a job. Can you imagine my obvious charm and grace when dealing with actual people?

Do you know where the hammers are?

Lady, no one knows where the hammers are. We're supposed to have them but no one has ever seen them. I think the NSA is taking them. Would you like some paint instead?

How do I fix this plumbing problem? 

I don't know - what are you asking ME? I still have sinks you have to turn with pliers.

Where are the dryers? 

Definitely somewhere. Why is everybody asking me questions today? They're bloody huge - you people can't find your hands in front of your faces. Oh, wait.... they're next to the washers. Have a nice day.

My first job was in retail. Nine of the longest months of my life. 

They never proved it was me.

• Alexa tells 10-year-old girl to touch live plug with penny
• apparently Bezos is trying to weed some of us out too. The device actually told her to put a penny across a partially plugged in electric cord.
• Do your kids misbehave? Get them an Alexa.

China has stripped a gear, this time taking it out on Mercedes, for using Asian models in their commercials. They claim the models reflect American stereotypes of Asia, like slanted eyes. Although we haven't seen the commercials, we hear the models also have dark hair.

Not one to suffer quietly, Norway has hopped on the bandwagon, accusing Mercedes of using blonde-haired women in its ads.

Oh, wait, I just got an update on the Out of the House Situation: No stores had anything, per Mrs. lefty, so it looks like I'll be staying in, for a change. And I was so looking forward to Lowes. The gremlins asked me to pick up a few new bits for the drilling in my head.

I haven't been to Guitar Center since right before the Flying AIDS hit. Not for lack of trying.

If things don't improve, I'm donating next year's vacation time. 

To the SPCA.

Please donate some money/blankets/food/time to the SPCA. They have to clean up after people.

I found the missing cherry throat lozenges. It was my stupidity: I didn't look in the air filter of the car.