Your love is like boiling water on a burn
AirBNB is canceling all reservations in the DC metro area next week. The governors of Maryland and Virginia and mayor of Washington, DC, have asked all visitors not to come to DC for the inauguration.
The hotel industry has taken notice and wondered if this is some sort of new business model. To test this out, they have closed half their hotels for a NASCAR event Down South. Never one to be behind a trend, restaurants are closing down during this spring's food tasting event in New York City. Naturally the food delivery services are closing in sympathy. It doesn't look like a lot on the surface, but at any 1 time, half the retail industries will be closed in any state. Except Trump hotels.
AH-HA!
After Trump's ban from YouTube, the service has agreed to keep a list of services on its front page, that Trump still has access to. They figured it wouldn't take up a lot of space. The Twitter Trump ban is not total, with him still having access to his alternate account, @realjoebiden
- Finally-justice for Flint. Former governor Rick Snyder and 8 other officials have been indicted on criminal charges in the Flint water crisis. The charges can be punished by up to a year in prison and a $1,000 fine.
- The same court indicted the CIA in doing "all sorts of bad things" to citizens. Between poisoning and mind control, the CIA could face fines of up to $100 and a weekend in jail, with 2 days off for good behavior.
The House voted to impeach Trump a second time. Realizing the futility of this gesture, they also voted on a resolution saying he was "Not a very nice person and has very silly hair, in spite of that Middle East peace thing."
For commentary on Trump's presidency, we take you to Walter Cronkite (deceased).
Well, Bob, Trump's election to the highest office in the land (aside from Twinkie production) showed that 51% of the people had had it with business as usual. As his presidency comes to a close (Vegas gives you 10 to 1 on whether he'll last until Biden's inauguration), we see that 51% of the people really prefer business as usual, want their old thieves back in, and the swamp refilled. It seems they weren't ready for any sort of new thievery, and need to get back to thieves as they knew them. This should serve as a valuable warning to anyone trying to bring anything different or capable to office: the people don't want it. Gone are the days when people try new things - just give them politics as usual. Good night, from Walter Cronkite (continued deceased).
Remember: if Hillary had won, Trump wouldn't have had to order people to BLM the Capitol. Quite frankly, we were very disappointed in both the quantity and quality of the graffiti.
- If you're even slightly fluent in Flemish, you might want to check out "Het Schaamhaarboek" (The Pubic Hair Book). If you're lucky, you won't have to understand any Flemish. Maybe it's just a picture book.
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (HI-HAT) asked Tesla to recall 158,000 Models S and X for touchscreen failures. Or just rename them Model F. Aside from the fault disabling driver notification and input, they said the vehicle retained its 4.7% Total Safety Rating. Next week the organization is to start looking into Tesla's Auto-Explode issue. The NHTSA calls this a defect, while Tesla refers to it as a feature.
- Something else we all must work toward in 2021 is to get the salt off salted caramel. We've survived our entire lives without salt on caramel - I don't think it tastes good or is needed. Salted Caramel is the new Pumpkin Spice.
Remember: Congress' regulatory agency is You.
You're doing a pretty poor job.
- 2020 tied 2016 as the warmest year on record.
- 2016 could not hope to lick 2020's shoes in terms of sheer shittiness.
Today I identify as the huge spring on those ships, that flings the planes off. Sometimes they land in the water, but it's not my fault.
- America's roads became more deadly in 2020, in spite of Flying AIDS lockdowns.
- Of course they did: take away the traffic and people play bumper cars.
Mainstream or Pr0n?: Hard Candy, King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard
So the hotels, AirBNBs and others are closed for the inauguration. The National Guard is there and has permission to use lethal force. A president and his more radical redneck followers have all been thrown off all social media.
Imagine if anything the opposition had to say was correct. This is how they defend their hold on everything. Think.
Mommy, when you turn the tv off, do the little men start at the same place when you turn it back on?
A man brewed tea from "magic mushrooms," injected it into his veins, and ended up at the E/R with the fungus growing in his blood. He should have drank it, then he'd have mushroom colonies growing in his stomach.
Andrew Yang is running for New York City mayor. He promises a Universal Basic Income (still no word on who's paying for it), a "people's bank," to-go cocktails. and he wants to attract so-called TikTok hype houses, where social-media influencers live together in big mansions and shoot videos together. And live happily together, with the most video-fab person running the place. But no eye-scratching fights. If unable to decide who is most fabulous, call 911 and the police will do it for you.
No word on whether Mr. Yang has been consuming the magic mushrooms, but it looks like he has. People in extreme poverty would receive $2,000 per month at the People's Bank, the workers would control the means of production, and everybody would get Che Guevara t-shirts. Preschools would be universal and mandatory, teaching the good works of Mao Tse Dung.
New Yorkers are strongly advised not to vote for Mr. Yang, although it seems he has purchased the extreme poverty vote. Traffic disputes will be settled with blowup clown baseball bats, and the mayor and city council will all wear clown noses, befitting their contributions. The mayor himself will wear white makeup and wild orange hair, after he graduates from Clown College.
- Influential punk guitarist Sylvain Sylvain has died, age 69.
- He died shortly after visiting Sirhan Sirhan.
The iPhone 12 has activated MagSafe, which can shut down pacemakers. Apple has given us not only the Smug of owning an iDevice, but the entertainment of walking down the street and shutting down random pacemakers. Imagine having the magnetic personality to make people fall to the ground wherever you walk? Apple cannot advertise this function, for obvious reasons, but the 12 (available now at $2,500) is flying off the shelves.
In totally irrelevant news, non-Flying AIDS emergency room visits are through the roof (cardiac issues).
- Google is closing the deal to buy FitBit. But it's ok, they pledge not to use its data for ads.
- Google's spokesperson had to rehearse the speech for 4 hours to get through it without falling over from laughter.
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