Your love is like acid. or LSD.
What gets into people who write 'scholarly papers'?
While the rest of the world can write a coherent sentence, understandable by the rest of the world, some of these people go to universities strictly to learn how to produce obfuscated papers. It could be that the papers have no value in the first place, but, as an average Bob, we have no idea. The title of this entry is taken directly from a paper I'm trying to decipher, about SETI By Entanglement. See - even the title is incomprehensible!
Google has translations from all sorts of languages, but not Scholarly. I wonder what it would tell me if I put it into the translate box... early Swahili? I don't think Google has any way to translate the ngghs and mmphs, as well as the winks, which signify Scholarly: we got another one through.
Go ahead and click the link, if you're feeling brave. Remember "Men Who Stare at Goats"? It's along those lines, but more complex. I dare you. It's a link from a blog entry called "Communication with Non-Human Intelligence, Visionary Experiences, & Propulsion Science in Space."
Of course it is.
There's a YouTube video here.
Put through the lefty Translator, using the Drunk setting, it's about semi-altered states communicating with something or other outside your body. While fascinating, I still can't speak Scholarly.
If any of you can translate any more of it to us, please comment.
- The great thing about not getting out much is that I'm safe. No Flying AIDS worries with me.
- I'm also really safe because I don't do drugs. Or drink. Why do people cringe when I say I could sell my urine?
Today the Russians hacked into my work computer and sent naughty emails to the Chinese, accusing them of being way too tall on purpose.
It was a sad event today, as I discovered the closest musical instrument store had gone under. It was there almost as long as I was. To be truthful, I only went in once, but that was because it was kinda junior league. I was happy just knowing it was there, though. I assume the Flying AIDS killed it. Online stores probably had a hand in it. As of now, I know of 1 mom and pop store, about 20 minutes away, and the chain stores, further out. This area in general absolutely sucks for guitar stores. This shouldn't be so, due to the size of the area. So, another one down.
Today I identify as that whammy bar thing on guitars
- Channeling his inner John Lennon, the president said only Jesus Christ is more famous than him.
- And all of the celebrities coming back to the White House, now that there's a democrat in office
- Nancy Pelosi breaks down in tears as she brands the Capitol riot an 'assault on our democracy'
- The other problem here is that the Elite take no responsibility for their own actions. They don't have to.
It is what it is: this idiotic phrase should go too.
Maybe we can replace it with an equally bright arrangement of words: "Well, water's wet."
Thanks for picking up dinner, Dear.
You're welcome.
Is that... macaroni and cheese?
Yes, I got you a side order.
But I don't like macaroni and cheese. For the 25 years we've been together.
You eat Velveeta and shells.
Velveeta isn't cheese. Didn't we have this same discussion the last time you got me a side of macaroni and cheese?
At least I got dessert.
What's that?
Peach cobbler.
Have you ever seen me eat a peach?
No.
Have you ever seen me eat a cobbler?
No.
Do I complain that this place has absolutely nothing for dessert?
Yes.
Then why waste the money?
I forgot if you ate it or not.
I just saw a commercial for a gay tv network. In the entire 30 second commercial, I did not see 1 woman. This is the commercial we need to show people who don't like gays. Nothing but men kissing and grinding on other men. It was so incredibly gay, it made me uncomfortable, and I don't care what anybody does in their spare time. It was so gay, Ru Paul hosted most of the shows. It was so gay, all music was by boy bands. It was so gay, most of the guys had sweaters tied around their necks, even the topless ones. It was so gay, Ellen hosted Rachel Maddow all week. It was so gay, some guys had two man buns. It was so gay, there weren't any gay women. It wasn't just gay, it was very gay.
As much as I can't stand people and governments having power over us, there was a large group that made sure that I had free access to contraception, from age 13 to present. They also made sure my girlfriends had free contraception, going so far as offering to pay for having their tubes tied. The group wanted to be very careful to guarantee that I would not reproduce. I hear they were funded by a very powerful, shadowy group, which nobody actually saw. They communicated by morse code, when the atmospheric conditions were favorable.
So now I stay in a lot. My friends can't come out to play cuz they have kids. I have to entertain myself. I learned a valuable lesson in school: don't entertain yourself in class. All my classmates screamed and ran out the door. Except Bobby. I didn't like the way he was looking at me, so I screamed and ran out the door.
In spite of the bluster, President Trump is packing and getting ready to leave
the White House (by February 31st). We have some inside information on what he's taking and what he's leaving...
Taking
- whoopee cushions
- breast implant catalog
- 243 cases of his book
- lots and lots of mirrors
- book - How to Pick Up Only the Attractive Pr0n Stars Next Time
- X-rated selfie of Kim Kardashian plus video of Melania knocking the stuffing out of her
- awards from Israel, inscribed "They're Just Not Ready for You Yet" and "Send More Money"
- 1 set encyclopedias, only covers Q
- pillows signed by the My Pillow guy
Leaving
- exploding whoopee cushions
- gift subscription to Alzheimers Weekly (or monthly - I can't remember)
- 244 cases of his book
- the secret Clinton video library
- non-functioning Obama Magic Teflon
- Everyone Must Get Bombed, by G. Bush
- Dick Cheney's old, unstable stash of explosives
- LBJ's Official White House Yacht (nobody wanted to be the one to tell him there was no White House Ocean to put it in)
- certificate of appreciation from Hollywood
- collection of love letters from Nancy Pelosi, some dating back to Lincoln
The head of NASA, on the job for about 16 years and typically missing from his office, called a meeting with his staff to discuss 'this Mars thing.' None of the employees can figure out what he does while he's missing, but the scuttlebutt has him 'entertaining' all the First Ladies, to having another job at the Pentagon, to regularly taking trips to Mars by himself.
So what's going on with this Mars thing? I've been... errrr..... busy.
Well, we sent a probe, which got to Mars and it blew up.
That's not good. What happened next?
We sent another probe, which got to Mars and it blew up.
We have a budget, you know.
We had success with the next probe, which actually landed on Mars, totally without blowing up.
Well, that's nice. What then?
Small problem: while it was orbiting, it took pictures of a huge face.
Whose face?
We don't know, but it took us close to a year to deny it was a face. We had to find experts to say it was just random, then we had to use our least accurate film, like we used in the 60s, even though the rest of the planet we shot in high detail. People caught that very quickly.
Hmmm...what then?
The probe landed and the Mars Explorer got out and started exploring.
Mars Explorer?
It's like a dune buggy that we drive from Earth.
What if it has a flat?
We used the same tires Billy Bob Franklin uses on his pickup for muddin'.
Good thought. How did that go?
It started ok, we got lots of samples, but then 'things' started happening.
Things?
Yes, Sir, things.
What sort of things?
Well, Mars being dusty, we'd notice the cameras were being cleaned every now and then. Then STP stickers on the trunk.
Uh-oh - what did you do?
We forgot to release the pictures to the public, like we always do.
Very good.
Things got worse, though...
Oh no...
While the Rover was driving around, it would come across signs. Road signs.
Road signs?
Yes. They said things like "Acme Mars Exploration Kit, STOP and go home, and OF COURSE THERE ARE ALIENS HERE, YOU IDIOTS."
Grab me some antacid, please.
We airbrushed the signs.
What was going on up there?
We believe it was the aliens, Sir.
ALIENS?
Yes. They seem to have a wicked sense of humor. One day they replaced the Rover's battery motor with one off a Chevy dragster. It turns out bumps are less of a problem with a 427. Naturally they did the face too. One of the eyes winked.
Has anybody seen my medicine? How has the Explorer lasted so long?
The aliens keep refueling it. Plus they make small improvements in its design.
Where does anybody find dragster fuel on Mars?
No idea, Sir. The wide angle lens shows it's full of racing stickers, and someone installed a gun rack on it, with a coupla 12 gauges.
No wonder the Pentagon has been paging me the last 5 years. Where's my Jack Daniels?
We had a plan.
Oh, Jesus, what?
We showed pictures of the Explorer to a few Good Ole Boys and told them the Martians are making fun of them. They built the first ever Mars-Bound NASCAR and were there in about a week to clean things up.
And how did that go?
Remember what happened to the first 2 probes?
Who's got my Vicodin?
- RIP Phil Spector (81) from Flying AIDS, in prison. He did some great production, before he lost his grip.
- Why should 1 person die of this in prison? Nursing home?
Remember Men Who Stare at Goats? When the program became better known, some of the Men talked to lawmakers. Some lawmakers said "you're the antichrist." Others said "You're doing God's work." Weren't you scared enough about lawmakers in the first place?
California's top epidemiologist told healthcare providers on Sunday to
stop using a batch of Moderna's COVID-19 vaccine after a "higher than
usual" number of people had apparent allergic reactions at a San Diego
vaccination clinic.
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