Giving Your Parents Crap About Your Third Nostril

 Your love is like  a Neil Diamond concert (post-mortem)

Under pressure, the CDC dropped the school spacing to 3' in many classrooms.

Because they wanted to go with an odd number. This might be one of the reasons for my skepticism about 'official' recommendations. The CDC changes its mind more than a Kardashian trying to decide what to wear out one night. Watch for updates from the WHO and America's doctor, Anthony Fauci. Fauci is a good doctor to see, because his waiting room is always empty.

Lazy 

Once, when getting glasses, the doc told me I have lazy eye or lazy lid or lazy something, and insurance would pay to fix it. This was a great new diagnosis, to sit with all the other great diagnoses and not get fixed. I can see out of my eyes, which is their primary function, so there's nothing wrong with them.

The only thing I can see (heh heh) is that it makes me look half asleep. It's not really a problem, though, because people tend to discount half-asleep people. They'll leave me alone or not bother much with me. Come to think of it, it's less a condition than a blessing. Meanwhile, I always figured I had lazy body syndrome, not lazy lids.

• I think the dog was a human female in a past life... when I open packages, she's right there in them, sniffing away, 'inspecting' each item.
• On the other hand, I could do with less bringing me her soggy toys while I'm working. I don't think this has anything to do with past lives and I'm not sure I want to know...

Today I identify as  Carlos Santana (won't he be surprised!)

Speaking of which, Carlos is also a designer of women's shoes and stuff. I'm not a woman, but they look pretty cool (seconded by Mrs. lefty).

Making Bezos more rich 

Personally, I try to shop locally or even look on Ebay before I go to Amazon. Bezos can probably get by without my custom. On the other hand, if you get the Prime option, it pays for itself in a few orders because you don't get charged for shipping most of the time. Amazon is also known for treating its workers really poorly.

Entirely your call.

Amazon also spent $1 billion for the NFL rights to Thursday night football. While this is a sad financial state of affairs for the NFL, it is almost a significant amount to Jeff Bezos. If it were $3 more, he would have to limit the Dom Perignon at his 5th house to 15 cases.

• During the making of one of their albums, Fleetwood Mac actually had a trough of coke on the mixing console. Stevie Nicks effectively had one nostril because the cartilage between the nostrils had been destroyed, presumably by coke.
• This did not bother most American men, who sighed whenever they saw her angelic face and appearance. Even if she sang like Yoko it would not deter us.
• To this day, Stevie Nicks is a style of dressing.

A former senator who has flown in space was nominated for head of NASA by President Biden. The press and close allies are questioning the decision, as Bill Nelson is a Caucasian, with no obvious minority status. When asked, Biden justified the nomination as Nelson is a white male, a minority on his staff. Biden aides clarified the statement, saying that at 78, Nelson would be the only one older than Biden himself (by about 10 minutes).

Wouldn't you just die if, during the Congressional grilling, one of them asked about aliens?

• PA school district cancels school after teachers call out with vaccine side effects. Make what you want of this 
• A PA District Attorney's office needs to raise the pay for First Assistant District Attorneys. One of them was just demoted for delivering DoorDash during working hours (his 2nd job).

Like attracts? 

I snore. I'm not proud. Of anything.

Mrs lefty occasionally snores. So loudly, it sounds like machinery from downstairs*.

As I type, the dog is snoring.  It's more like a high-pitched whining. Maybe we can market this for defense purposes. Get a $1 billion weapons grant. Join Grumman. Perk up the old retirement fund. I can buy guitars during the day and help defend the country at night. Mom will be so proud.

*I have a theory about how, mechanically and acoustically, the snoring becomes so loud. It's loud in the room. She has to wear a sticker, warning everyone about the potential decibel level. The snoring starts out by going into the room. The bed rattles. The motion transmits itself, through the legs of the bed, down to the floor. The floor is actually the ceiling for the living room, with some air and wires in between. After what they (they who?) call acoustic coupling, the ceiling becomes one humongous speaker.  While my car has a 6" speaker, my ceiling has turned into a 40' speaker. But wait..... the in-room snoring hits the walls then bounces to the floor. It bounces in phase, which means it reinforces what the bed transfers to it, like its own 400 watt amplifier. So the moment anything comes out of her mouth, it is loudly amplified and immediately apparent to anyone in the living room.

"oh SHIT," he said to no one in particular... this means the neighbors hear everything, every time we....  make noise together. That would explain the people outside, holding up cards with numbers on them. At least the numbers are pretty close to 10. You know, within 4 or 5.

• Irony Department: China is prohibiting its military and government personnel from using Tesla cars, citing security risk posed by the car's data collection

The other day I went through the horror of finding myself near a tv with TMZ on. Today it happened with Judge Judy, but it was so loud, it was bleeding into my office. And nobody was watching it. I'm surprised the SPCA didn't charge us for having it on tv while the dog was in the house.

I think Judy is the rudest, nastiest person on tv and can't believe anybody watches the show (but they do - she has great ratings). I'd love to watch her have to sit there while someone was as unspeakably nasty to her as she is to the people on the show. Other than that, we tend to agree on tv. 

• Miami declared an emergency and curfew because of spring break crowd behavior. SWAT teams were called in. Who knew there was so much power in drunken teens? 
• and, horrors, there were maskless crowds
• seriously... SWAT?

A man was arrested for taking his toddler into the elephant enclosure at the San Diego Zoo. It almost seems like people need classes before doing certain things... like having a baby. If the dude wanted an abortion, it was way too late. If he wanted to commit Suicide By Elephant, drop the kid off with a babysitter. People who work at zoos must be out of their minds that they now have to protect the animals from the people. 

• The pope urges fight against organized crime as mafia milks pandemic
• Catholic church molesting little boys is international organized crime 

The Atlanta gunman was a patient at an evangelical treatment facility about 30 miles from the shootings, for "sex addiction." This place also promotes ex-gay therapy. Well, that's 0 for 2. When will we hear the calls against this 'therapy'? Oh.

As I look on interestedly, I read that Jane Seymour is 70.

Is this morally wrong or something? 

Not if she's willing and Mrs. lefty gives me a break on her No Dating policy.