Your love is like mennistration
- Miami Beach is on high alert as another spring break weekend starts...
- Officials are flummoxed - they didn't expect another weekend 7 days after the last one
How does an 18 year old rack up 43 tickets? 148mph on a chase through NY, in his Infiniti. Social media helped identify him. The NY League of Luxury Cars will be picking up his tab. They can't believe that an 18 year old already shows the utter assholiness of drivers over twice his age.
- I don't know about you, but I'm vibrating, with the thought that there will soon be no more masks required. Then I can get back to guitar shopping, and complaining there's nothing there for me.
Sesame Street adds new muppets to teach race.
Dad, we have 2 new kids on the block - Luther and DeShawn. They're black.
How come DeShawn's dad sits home all day and Luther's dad works?
First of all, son, we're all the same. Understand that. Black people have a substance called melanin in their skin, which makes it black.
But Dad - if DeShawn's dad doesn't work, how do they always have the big TVs and new video games? Their car is nicer than ours.
Well, Son, it's like this..... go ask your mother.
"Cinderella" production canceled over concerns the cast is too white.
Especially Cinderella. Where do they get off making her white? Even though they're her sisters, why can't they be black? The pumpkin, when it turned into a limousine, had no shag carpeting or large chrome appointments. It didn't even have a musical horn. The footmen were white, which is good. There wasn't a single purple velvet hat with a feather sticking out of it either.
Chanhassen Dinner Theaters in Minnesota has decided to scrap the project and go with Footloose in 2022. They will need to wait that long to find a black Jewish lesbian that looks like Kevin Bacon. The Bacon character will discover that the school won't let her play her Biggie and Tupac jams. The entire school will learn to scream "That's Racist" and everything will be ok.
The initial idea was to cast a long-haired guy who wasn't allowed to play his Nordic Death Metal, but that was also deemed too white. Let's face it - they're right... how many black Nordic death metal fans are there?
A Boston high school's football coach was fired because his team used anti-semitic language on the field. Naturally, the Anti Defamation League is involved. The school itself is calling foul because there are no Jewish players in football or in the stands, so they wonder why there is any objection. The Anti Defamation League just knows...
- This will be absolutely shocking, but I'm having an issue with the work iDevice. I can't get it to ring. It blinks nicely, though. It's not a huge issue, as all I ever get is spam calls. Fortunately it dials, or at least it did 2 years ago, when I made my last call. My skin burns when I pick it up, so I avoid it. It's like when I go to the mall and there's an iStore- I have to stand far away from it or I start to sizzle.
The Department of Homeland Security was put into place after 9-11 to spy monitor terrorist communications. Now they want to spy on monitor domestic terrorism. Scope creep in spying. Government overreach. Shock and surprise. And of course they'd never spy on innocent Americans, like the NSA.
- Something huge and invisible is making nearby stars vanish, scientists propose
- Rob Reiner unavailable for comment
Bill Gates says world should be 'back to normal' by end 2022.
Biill Gates - amateur virologist, professional rich person, philanthropist, and man to be tried by the World Court for crimes against humanity (Windows).
- a gene defect may make rabbits do handstands instead of hop
- after a liquid Friday lunch, scientists tried implanting the defect in giraffes
The Suez Canal remains blocked by the ship whose captain invested too heavily in mushrooms. 706 cubic feet of sand needs to be removed to get the ship through. The ship is doing its best to get out, but the real problem is the other ships rubbernecking.
Seniors who got vaccinated and are going back out into the world are freaking out their children, who want to control them to keep them safe...
Dad, I told you no going outside til you had your vaccine!
But sonnnnn.. I got both shots.
Dad, you will stay inside. It's for your own good.
But whyyyyyyyyy?
We don't really know how safe anyone is after the shots.
But Son, the vaccine companies just got around to telling us we're safe.
FINE. But I want you to wear a mask!
I don't WANT to wear a mask.
Dad, how many times have I told you to be safe?
But I got the shots....
And stay close to home.
But I had a date in the next county over.
NO.
I hate you, Son. You ruin EVERYTHING.
Relationships
When they first got together, he'd say good morning. She had a look in her eyes and said, "Wanna?"
Many years later, he'd say good morning. She had a look in her eyes and said, "Coffee?"
Are you an uneducated coward, threatening Asian-Americans by spraypainting their businesses or using social media? Be careful - they're hiring security and buying guns. Better yet, go ahead...
- Amazon denies workers pee in bottles
- "You don't really believe the peeing in bottles thing, do you?"
- Once caught, Amazon said that's it's not what it looks like: it's not because employees can't go to the bathroom - it's for drug testing.
- Oh.
The latest from Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top), off his upcoming solo album
No doubting who it is with your eyes closed
Notable is drummer Matt Sorum, formerly of Guns N Roses
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