Your love is like an epidemic of STDs
After the Meghan and Harry interview, everybody is coming out of the closet to say how much they understand Meghan's plight. I want to say that I understand Meghan's plight, being Martian-American. I don't understand Harry at all, but that's not such a big problem: he does what he's told.
She said something about running for office. This could be a brilliant effort on the part of Politics. People will be so busy looking at her, she can say any old thing she wants. They'll never hear it. Let's face it: you listen to everything Nancy Pelosi says.
Today I identify as a particularly efficient 900MHz yagi antenna that I constructed, right before I found out my area just went to 700MHz
- Tinder will soon allow you to do background checks
- although why would you want to do a background check on a stranger you're about to have sex with?
David Brewis: Tracking Down Jimi Hendrix's Wayward Gear
How I discovered Jimi Hendrix's psychedelic Flying V
some fascinating articles on finding and verifying some of Jimi's gear.
[sigh] some day....
I haven't gone to onlyfans.com but am reading an interesting article. Apparently their terms of service fluctuate often, with the latest casualty being outdoor sex. An outdoor sex performer got a Taken Down notice out of the blue. They suspect it's the payment processors, who don't like the boom boom business. This is going to wind up hurting onlyfans and the performers, as well as affecting the entire industry.
My stance remains the same: private businesses should be allowed to do what they want, without (government) interference. While payment processor interference is perfectly legal, their prudish attitudes are hurting the entire industry. Interestingly enough, you can perform a lot more sex-related activities than 'hateful speech', which will get you banned, period (see: Gab). It must be difficult to operate any business when the Terms of Service keep changing.
Betcha didn't know you were sleeping on the couch tonight..
HIM: you've been really naughty
HER: what do I get for it?
HIM: naughty girls get a spanking
HER: ooooh.. I hope it doesn't hurt
HIM: It shouldn't, with all that padding...
- The Google Nest hub now knows how well you slept.
- And you keep paying Google for the privilege....
- Except for America and those warhawks in Canada.
- They promise to cooperate and share all tools. Except the hacking tools - bring your own.
- The Moon's south pole has 180 consecutive days of sunlight. Philadelphia and London are thinking of relocating- they have less than 80.
- Rules: don't f- with the aliens on the dark side, no requests for Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon - we've heard this 1,000 times already and the station isn't even built yet
- Saturday nights we play "count the 'communication' satellites in orbit around Earth. Pretend to get targeting vectors."
Apple has done something decent with iOS: required privacy transparency. All software must tell you about data it collects. The Google example will make your head explode
I was feeling a bit under the weather, because who feels over the weather, and decided to sit and rest a bit (that's 'set a spell' for our southern readers). I never fail to mention how smart, courageous, and sweet Mrs. lefty is. Sometimes I forget to mention that no one had better mess with her, if they enjoy living. Their body will never be found. Then there's one level down: don't piss her off. I'm not sure what I did to piss her off, but as I sat down, I noticed TMZ on. "TMZ - gays making fun of straights since 2008."
Well, she put it on and she was there first. I tried for a UN Humanity Exemption, but no dice. It's against the Geneva Convention. It's absolutely the worst example of what humanity has become. How can a show have less than zero content? You found it.
Being the definition of ADHD, she got up to smoke or do something. No matter how many times I've begged and pleaded, she will not turn off the tv or mute it when she leaves the room. I'm married - I've done some serious begging and pleading. The compromise we reached is that when she leaves the room, I mute the tv. Oddy, me having to do what I asked her to do does not show up as 'compromise' in any dictionaries, online or offline.
Thus far, I'm feeling unwell and sit down for a rest. She's watching the worst show ever put on tv, then gets up and leaves. She has hidden/lost the remote. Is this passive aggressive or just downright evil? I cant imagine what on earth I've done to displease her. I buy her flowers and cook regularly. I mow all winter. I totally respect her No-Dating Policy, and mention it to any female who is in any way slightly attractive (just in case).
Yet there I sat, not feeling too good, with TMZ on tv, muted. This is the 2nd best way to watch it, the 1st being with the tv off. "Why didn't you just turn the effing tv off, you whiny bastard," you ask. Because the replacement remote control does not turn the tv on or off and I cannot bear the 15' trip across the room to turn it off. So I (don't) watch a lot of tv with it muted.
Unfortunately, my head turns in the direction of motion or blinky lights, so it keeps turning to the muted tv, when I remind myself I'm not watching that garbage. Eyes on sofa, then POOF - back on the tv. This is especially annoying during sports, which I don't like at all. It's also the reason I never eat in sports-themed places, unless the tv's are broken.
I think I got a passive-aggressive break when She Who Must Be Obeyed went off to take a nap. Mind you, without muting or turning off the tv. Maybe some day I'll find out what I stand accused of, even if it has to be used against me in a court of law.
Because she watches a lot of tv, so do I. I'm a heavy passive tv watcher. Think about this for a second... passive tv watcher. The main thing I've noticed is that the Flying AIDS has absolutely ruined what was left of tv.
- There are newscasts where each member of the news team is broadcasting from their den (or the only place where there aren't rude items on the walls and shelves). Hey Bob- you might want to move your dildo collection down a shelf, or even to another room. We're getting a lot of emails about it. No, wait, never mind - they want to know where you got them.
- Game shows. It's great to say you've changed things up so you can still go on the air, but... the 'audience' consists of 6 people, where there were 125, because they're all socially distanced. You can't jump up and down and molest the host, even if you have a mask. Some of the contestants are playing from home, usually over bad connections, in small, dirty little rooms, with their little ankle-biters running in and out, plus the cat barking.
- Judge shows. Flying AIDS or not, why are there so many judge shows? There may be a small audience, in their little welder's masks, but the plaintiff and defendant are, you guessed it, virtual. The effect is incredibly cheesy. Moreso. Audience or not, some of these judges should be put back in their cages and never let on tv again. They're obviously not socialized well enough to be near people.
- Any show that keeps cutting back to a person to explain things has to go regardless of pandemic. No one needs to know how you feel. No one needs to know how smart you are or what you did. Just shut up and let us figure it out by ourselves, unless it's a particularly good practical joke that requires a setup.
- Sports are kinda like game shows, in many ways, but they set a horrible example for the youth. No social distancing or masks on the field at all. What are children supposed to think? The audience consists of about 6 people in the entire stadium, with banners covering the rest of the seats, so the poor advertisers have somewhere else to see their names. They pipe in cheers and applause. In Philly, they pipe in boos, screaming about the cost of a beer, and have special machines to throw things at the players. They have pictures of bags full of money so the players will keep moving.
But if you make me miss my one show (9-1-1), I'll shiv you in the back.
- How a metal with a memory will shape our future on Mars
- one of the items recovered from Roswell and others is a metal that you can bend and it will return to shape.
- is this the same metal? I dunno. Interesting, though.
Speaking of Asian Americans, we're seeing a wave of attacks against them, in retaliation for the Flying AIDS. WTF is wrong with these people? Are these the TMZ audiences? We get a nasty virus from China, so these people verbally or physically assault Asians. Koreans! Even with my public school education, I know that Korea ain't in China. These Bubbas need to finish 3rd grade.
The best line was, after a horrible string of massage parlor shootings, the Atlanta chief of police said, "It appears they may be Asian." Obviously because the all black massage parlors were closed that day. As were the Caucasian cleaners. The Indian dentists had better watch out too, in case the assailants mistake them for Asian. The real brain-buster would be if they got mad at England... who would they shoot? Maybe themselves....
There is a reason other countries laugh at us. This is the one I agree with.
- IBM's CEO and outgoing exec chairman take home $38m for 2020 despite revenue shrinking by billions
- why is this any of our business? they obviously signed for it. the only function of this headline is to inflame.
Age Crisis
We all know the stereotype of a man with a middle age crisis... motorcycles, skydiving, affairs with younger women, fast cars, Yahtzee. If you stand back and look at it, you realize it's not just middle age. We (and society) have somehow imposed crises upon ourselves. It's not like anyone said, "lefty hit middle age - he really should be screwing around with much younger women," because if they did, Mrs. lefty would see to it nobody found their bones.
We could absolutely continue living our lives without crises. Until we figure it out, here are the expected crises for certain ages:
- 30s: time to grow up, leave your wild drinking days of youth behind. Celebrate with wild drinking.
- 40s: middle age. Wild drinking, set up a much younger mistress in an apartment, date a few others, sleep late, wear your wife out (with repeated requests for boom boom), finding out you can't drive formula 1 cars, finding out you can't drive a Volkswagen, finding out you can't drive the mistress
- 50s: propositioning every neighbor up and down the block, propositioning barmaids as you find out you really shouldn't (and can't) wild drink, discovering the meaning of little blue pill, discovering what happens when you forget the little blue pill, discovering what happens when you take the little blue pill and have nothing to do and nowhere to go and no available targets,
- 60s: huh? Weren't you supposed to retire soon - that's a real worry. Unfortunately you have to work til the next crisis before you can retire. Wild drinking now consists of 2 beers or 1 cooler. Women you'd like to chase, if you could get out of Your Chair, would laugh hysterically at you. Younger women cross the street when they see you coming because you're a Dirty Old Man. You discover your dirty reputation may have something to do with your junk hanging out of your shorts. You want boom boom but your wife says she doesn't do that anymore. Meanwhile, your parents are in the old folks community, getting STDs, because they're boinking anything in sight. Why can't you remember that word... you know... car keys? Sometimes you take the little blue pill to watch what happens - maybe give yourself something to do for the rest of the day. You call your grandchildren, only to discover you don't have any grandchildren. Meh - your dog listens to you. Sometimes.
- 70s: 70 is the new 50, say people who are 70. It's getting easier and easier to forget things. sometimes requiring no effort at all. You develop your own distinct shuffle. Your hobby is going to doctors' offices. A grand day is getting a procedure done. You wear your magnifiers on top of your regular glasses and you can't find either because you're wearing them. The news is on at 4 - dinner time. You finally got the discount at restaurants. You remember really enjoying boom boom. You start doing weird things in public, like picking up food and slamming it down on the table in restaurants. You call your wife Mother. Your liver enzymes prevent wild drinking, so you reduce it to weekends. Online pr0n is a memory and you don't have many of them these days. Trying to decide between Don't Tell Mommy We're Doing Her Boyfriend and Black Ass Suffocation is insurmountable, so you take a nap. If you could compete, you'd be a World Napping Champion.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment