You've Got A Nice Angina

Welcome, folks.
We're at this precarious balance between Captivity and Running Around, so we're not ruling anything out. The Venutians could land tomorrow and it would all be off, knowwhatImean?

Restaurants are allowing indoor seating! (but you have to wear a mask)
Malls are welcoming customers, but you have to wear a thong.
You can get a haircut, but you have to go naked. Know those little hairs that cause so much grief? It will not work out well.


I itch like a mf-er.
This is not normal.
After inspection, it appears I got eaten up by something of the insectual variety.
Notice Mrs lefty isn't eating me up and causing bumps.  Ok, this might not be good.



The Uber PC Crowd Follies continues, this time in even weirder ways.

1. Advertisers are pulling out of Faceyspaces. Led by a left wing hate group, the Anti Defamation League, its demands are hiring a “C-suite level executive with civil rights expertise to evaluate products and policies for discrimination, bias, and hate.” Now let's see.... a completely unrelated entity is telling huge corporations who to hire. Perfectly reasonable. Upside Down World continues, but gets weirder. I can't stand Faceyspaces, but I have to side with them... they're a private corporation - they don't need to bow to the agitators. I saw a video where people were talking about aliens, and the ADL referred to that as antisemitic.
2. Reddit, one of the ugliest and nicest places on the net just purged over 2,000 subreddits, including The_Donald. Reddit started as a free speech outlet, then started whittling away what they didn't like, claiming to retain the free speech title. I haven't seen the list of what got sent packing, but I never visited The_Donald. Why would I? If I had the keys to Reddit, I'd keep it open, in the spirit of free speech, and because I used to hold Reddit up as a bastion of free speech.
3. As it has been, the only truly free place to speak is Gab.

Speaking of Gab, their Visa payment processor dropped them, for 'hate speech.'

This is not new or surprising. What is surprising is that Andrew Torba, Gab's CEO, is blacklisted by Visa, as is his wife. Neither of them will be able to do business with Visa. It might go even further.... 

'Stop using our pain to attract black consumers'

I'm laughing... not at anyone's pain, but at the fact that almost everyone has a Black Lives Matter bit in their ads. Even Guitar Center.

Gucci owner Kering will have a new person on board, to try to reduce its environmental impact. Yes, no greater an environmental champion than Emma Watson has joined the board. Who knew playing Hermione had the built in benefit of conferring Environmental Impact Specialist upon the broom-rider.

Go ahead and laugh, but next week I start as a Good Taste Consultant with the Metropolitan Ballet.

In a tweet that was later deleted, rapper Gucci Mane (Susan Smith) called his label 'polite racist.'  He's just posturing for a date with Hermione.  See how I strung that together? Imma call myself Fender Pate.

The president says he's heard some interesting things about Roswell, but he's not sharing, even with his eldest child. What he tells his children is his choice, but I hereby demand he tell the American public, who are overdue for an explanation. I'd bet Trump knows something - he's somewhat incapable of keeping his mouth shut.

33,000 Floridians may have incorrect results from their Flying AIDS tests.

This entire pandemic is a shit show and nobody has any idea what they're doing. By design?

Joe Biden said he would make masks required in public if he were president.

He would also make half the people wear those whirligig hats, and the other half wear the ones with the arrow through them. 

As all good people must, I went to the dentist the other day.

The place looked like Fly by Night Dentistry. The voices were telling me "RUN RUN!" but it took so much to get me to a doctor in the first place, I stuck it out.

As you'd expect, I caused a ruckus when I wouldn't let them copy my license. Three members of their staff spoke to me on this Heavy Matter<tm>, finally deciding that the ugly face on the license matched the ugly face in the chair, so I was me. This came as both relief and horror to Mrs lefty: she'd prefer that I were someone else. Anyone else.

As per prophecy, the office was a regular UN, with America, China, and Ukraine in attendance, at very least. And the gay guy. The gay guy did not like me, which is just fine - I don't need acquaintances that sneer behind my back at me. The Ukrainian tech made most of my cells do a little dance. The way I saw it, there were few obstacles between us: my wife, her fiancee, and my looks. And of course there was the stereotypical black girl with the attitude and large posterior. After drawing up a lesson plan, with costs, insurance payments, and copayments, they turned me loose. The did not perform a single Dental Thing - they just let me go. They told me my copayment for the next visit, but I noticed they never told me the total - they just sent me home with the estimate. This might have had something to do with the 4 figure total for copays. I already put the vet's kids through school, I'm not doing it for the dentist too.

I noticed that nobody looked like my former dentist, Dr Mengele, so I'm hoping for better results. Either his work was subpar or I've been in there, pulling stuff out and messing around. It took all I had to get me to the dentist. Now I'm going to have to do it again. This plan is not what the environment people would call sustainable.  They might have to get a trebuchet and launch me through the front window.

RIP Carl Reiner (98) 

A funny funny man.

Bill Gates in Captivity?

Bill Gates is a war criminal, for Windows alone.
As it turns out, he's up to other things that would qualify him....

I have been an advocate of sending the UN elsewhere for a long time. It may have served a purpose in the beginning, but now it drains money and resources.

Gates has been involved in Sustainable Development Goals for many years, I just learned. When people and organizations are looking to pull off a big one, they frequently hide it in plain sight, as they have here.

Sustainable Development is a phrase that is a cover for World Government.
I'm not asking you to take my word... read the UN page. Here are a few things that should rattle us... some of it sounds really nice... read carefully...

• All people must enjoy a basic standard of living, including through social protection systems  and if they don't, who pays for it?
• we must achieve universal health coverage and access to quality health care   we're still trying to get past that - how do they mandate our healthcare system?
• This will only be possible if wealth is shared and income inequality is addressed  People work for their money - their money. No one else's, unless the person wants to donate.
• promoting youth employment and women’s economic empowerment, in particular   We're going to socially dictate and manage.
• We recognize the positive contribution of migrants for inclusive growth and sustainable development. We also recognize that international migration is a multi-dimensional reality of major relevance for the development of countries of origin, transit and destination, which requires coherent and comprehensive responses. We will cooperate internationally to ensure safe, orderly and regular migration involving full respect for human rights and the humane treatment of migrants regardless of migration status, of refugees and of displaced persons.  You will accept illegal aliens.
• States are strongly urged to refrain from promulgating and applying any unilateral economic, financial or trade measures not in accordance with international law and the Charter of the United Nations that impede the full achievement of economic and social development, particularly in developing countries.  Listen to us, not your country's laws. One world.
•  We acknowledge that the UNFCCC is the primary international, intergovernmental forum for negotiating the global response to climate change.  Listen to us, not your country. One world.
• The new Agenda recognizes the need to build peaceful, just and inclusive societies that provide equal access to justice.  Agenda. Socially manipulate.
•  We pledge to foster inter-cultural understanding, tolerance, mutual respect and an ethic of global citizenship  Some of these things are great. But as a sovereign nation, nothing from the UN should supersede our Constitution. We're tolerant people, but not because an organization has decreed it. Global citizenship... getting us ready....

It's a nasty agenda, but largely it's about World Government, that renders your government moot. We're Americans.. we fought for what we have. We don't take things like this well.

Bill and Melinda Gates are in this up to their necks, across many foundations and entities. They are also behind a vaccine. 

Hey, look at the world wearing masks and adapting and dying.

In. The. Open.

Read the rest and weep....

All is not lost... 

Today Mrs lefty went to Dunkin to get some frozen drinks. The guy behind the counter knows Penny loves the whipped cream so he put extra whipped cream on top of the drink. Ask yourself if you have this kind of relationship with any retailer.

On the first day of Code Green, I celebrated by sleeping. The whole day.

On the second day of Code Green, I shot blowdarts at the noisemakers.

On the third day of Code Green, I worked. Then I made dinner, which sent everybody scurrying every which way. Nobody knows why. Even the dog.

On the fourth day of Code Green, I will have written something a lot funnier.

GUITAR RELATED STUFF

Almost review of Tech 21 Fly Rig 5

I won one on Ebay.

It works, sorta.

It tends to motorboat/oscillate at low frequencies the higher the gain is set.

The lights also flicker in time with the motorboating. I didn't have to pay extra for it at all! Might be power, might be a right handed unit. 

It does perform its functions until it hits oscillation.

I hope to have a review shortly, assuming it doesn't have to go back.

In other musical news, I ordered 2 pedal kits from General Guitar Gadgets. I really wanted to put all the parts and everything else needed together, but these guys have it all together, case included and drilled, in one pack, for about what a cheap pedal would cost. I ordered the BSIAB (Brown Sound in a Box - Van Halen, sort of) and whatever the Klon clone is. If you would like to build your own pedals, this is the place to look. He has kits that are similar to everything you've heard of. If you want to audition any, he has samples, or you can check on YouTube. After hearing them on YT, I decided to order. Review forthcoming.

Captivity - Day 98 Get your emojis off my subject line

We've turned up missing.
Things happened.
With my computer.
Things that you wouldn't believe.
Things that couldn't happen, even if I performed them manually.

I think I purchased Satan's solid state drive.
This would not surprise any ThermionicEmissions reader.
I put the drive in for more space. It proceeded to become involved in the boot process, so when I removed it, the machine wouldn't boot.
Several of the best utilities and the best advice later, nothing continued to work.
Further, several of the drive partitions had switched places. This does not happen. I couldn't make it happen if I wanted to. Once I realized what happened, I reinstalled my operating system (which disappeared) and off we were.

We're going to have a group of exorcists by later on today. The only question is if the computer has to be Catholic...


What does this have to do with the blog?
I was too demoralized to bother with anything else, plus I had to remain calm and silent: the police said some neighbors had come up missing.


Mr lefty's birthday was recently.
For her special day, she took my mother to lunch and completely ignored me.
That's ok, I was consoled by the Twins.




Code Green will also present a problem at our massage parlors. The masseurs have to get certified to massage at 6'. Ever tried to give manual stimulation from across the room?


It looks like our vaunted Captivity series is coming to an end. And when I say coming to an end, I mean 'as Idiot Mayor deigns'. Then it will be back to our normal ranting.



So Scotland is looking at their own spaceport.
Over at NASA: "Sir...SIR... come quickly! We're getting some otherworldly noise over the radio. Maybe it's the signal we're not alone!"

"No, Johnson, that's the Scots talking."



Back at home, we've been cleaning and rearranging furiously.
And when I say furiously, I mean we're furiously throwing anything that isn't nailed down (and a few that are) across the room. Occasionally through windows. If we wait til very late, it competes with the fireworks.  Fireworks? Fireworks. We have 1 or 2 idiots who set off fireworks for no apparent reason, every few days. I like to communicate with them when they do...

Them: BOOM
Me: Take your small dick inside with your fireworks!
Them: silence.
Them: BOOM

Another massive step for neighborly relations.
     Sometimes I grow weary of being the Weird House; other times I have to protect my title.



As everyone knows, we're on the brink of electric cars.
Seems like a good idea.
Of course, there's always fallout...

• Godammit, Jimmy.... you took the car and didn't plug it in. How am I going to get to work today?
• No, you have to plug it into its own special outlet. And you CAN'T plug the tv into that outlet... this is the 3rd tv this month.
• You also can't plug your little sister into that outlet. Sometimes I think the stork dropped off the wrong baby.

In grade school, we found out a neighbor's kid honestly thought the stork brought babies. He must've had some interesting parents. If Mom, heaven forbid, lost the baby, did they tell him the stork took the baby?

I think I've found a solution to knocking down statues: any statue destroyed will be fed to the destroyers.

I wanted to bring you this, which is the main reason I brought everything back up: Fish eggs can hatch after being eaten and pooped out by ducks.

Captivity - Day 97 Johnny, get under the car

Didja ever have one of those dreams....
When you're on a couch with some relatives
When something shifts and the couch starts to move, as if on wheels
When you fall off the couch and it goes whirling out at a hundred people
And you wake up on the floor?

No?
Just me, I guess.



So I'm not the biggest fan of iDevices, but let's face it: they have a sales winner. For whatever reason, possibly drugs, everything from every company has to have a lower case 'i' in front of it. You don't believe me?

My iAndroid woke me this morning, so I could have some iFlakes. We were almost out of iMilk, so iWife put it on the shopping list. As I was getting ready for work, I sat on my brand new iChair (so comfy) and booted up my iLinux computer, as well as my iWindows work computer. At noon, I had some iSoup, which was so messy, I got it in my iEye. The iServers at work threw a fit, so I had to call out the iA-Team. They rebooted iServers A to iZ. It took so long, iI went home.




Wizards of the Coast Is Addressing Racist Stereotypes In Dungeons & DragonsKeeping geek stereotypes.



I won an auction or 2 on ebay.
Went to checkout and was told I didn't have rights to that server.
Well, that's ok - I didn't want rights to that server -I just wanted to pay the sellers. It happened twice, which did nothing to raise my morale. I checked Help, which turned up a few similar cases, which were resolved by Support. So I had to contact Support.  Have you ever tried to contact ebay Support? It's like trying to find the the underground vault where the president goes during an emergency, but more difficult.

Eventually I found it, under Ebay Community Dancing Lessons.
They did well in hiding it.
I got a nice lady in text, who was interested in helping me.
That should have been my first warning.
She asked all the questions that would indicate I was a typical idiot who texted all day. Then she asked about my device. I told her I'm not that kind of guy. No, she wanted to know how I got there.
Ummm.... computer?
Maybe it's not up to date...
Why yes, it's up to date. It's the same computer I've used for 8 years.
Oh. How about your browser?
It says hi.
Can you try a different browser?
I can, but this one's based on Chrome. I even told her about my equipment, so to speak. I didn't exactly say linux.. I just said the name of it. Then I opened another browser, at which point ebay told me the password I logged in with wasn't correct. Oh? Then came the password change; involving circus hoops, break dancing, and diapering children. I had to do this twice. I asked the helpful lady how anybody gets on ebay in the first place.

I pulled up the Stupid Browser. It's so wide open, any site with malware can send it on in. Annnnnnd it failed. ebay lady asks if I'm still there, because I'm not typing. Of course I'm there - she's lucky she couldn't hear me.

I don't use Browser #3 on ebay because it's locked down so tight that sites like this won't let me in. Since it was already up, I tried. Sure enough, it got in.

I thanked the lady. She thanked me for remaining pleasant throughout the call. It was then I felt sorry for the poor person: her job must be hell, with all the ninnies calling to bitch at her because servers don't like browsers. As browsers go, they say the great thing about standards is that there's so many of them. I finally got to pay the sellers and declined the sale over at Adult Ebay. My merchandise will be here on.... umm... about.... Eventually. And that's official.



Privacy advocates are decrying a new bill, which would force tech companies to unlock encrypted devices if ordered to do so by law enforcement with a court issued warrant.

Shocking!
From your friends in DC. It's only your data... they have a right to read it. Illegal search and seizure - 4th Amendment.


Speaking of ebay, I spent a little time there and noticed they had a ton of Pre-Owned stuff. I was told they had a lot of Used stuff, but I didn't see one.



Decorate your home of the future.. with furniture from way in the past!

Captivity - Day 96 Show me on this elephant where she touched you

I am proud to bring you the libertarian candidate for the 2020 election: Jo Jorgensen. A woman candidate for president. One who doesn't eat babies. Now all the crabapples who said all women must vote for Hillary have to vote for Jo. I think this move was sheer genius, but it was by vote. In November, it will be the megalomaniac, the demented sonambulist, and the woman. I don't care who you vote for, so long as it's Jo. I don't care about her plumbing - I care about her abilities. I vote for, not against. The next time you say we must get the dems or reps in office, look at your paycheck. That's an obscene amount of taxes stolen from you, and it keeps getting bigger. It didn't get that way because of one party. The Patriot Act was bipartisan, as are wars. Obama campaigned on Change, and failed miserably. You want change? Vote libertarian.


Every time we think we've hit Peak SJWery, we are surprised there's more.
This one's a doozy, though.  Are you ready?
Rhode Island is moving to change its official NAME, due to its connection to slavery.

I don't know about you, but every time I hear Rhode Island, I think of slavery. Slavery and malts. Slavery, malts, and Vanessa Hudgens. Slavery, malts, Vanessa Hudgens and Jello wrestling. Ya feel me?

Hold on for the witch burnings all over the country. Only this time it's not going to be witches. It will be sanity. "Hey guys - let's have a sanity burning!"
"Yeah, cool! We'll show those fascists who rules things. We'll burn down the United Nations for peace. Plus somebody said something bad to a black person from a different country, so the place has to burn anyway."

Words cannot convey the abject stupidity of this decision and the ability of the governor to bend over, whilst kissing the creamy buttocks of the SJW-BLM enterprise.

We should have a contest.... come up with new names for Rhode Island.... send me ideas in the comments.

• Ride Island
• Tiny Out of the Way State
• NoSlaveTown
• Indecisivetown
• Fuckt
• PleaseDon'tRiotTown
• WeDownWitBLMville
• Not Really an Island

In other news, the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) is changing its name, because of the existing name's connotation with killing black people. They are renaming themselves the Fraternal Loyal Order of Police (FLOP).

Brooklyn Nine-Nine scrapped existing episodes and will start over to reflect the anti-racist movement.
1984 featured a tv that watched you, as well as rewritten history.

When your payroll department sends you a form with These Easy Instructions....

This is precious.

A man is spending a lot of time involved in protesting.

Unfortunately he gets a little loud.

He gets a little too close.

He's wearing a pink thong and bra. 

And nothing else.

If they hadn't hauled him off, the SJWs would've slapped him five and told him to keep living his truth.

There's a new rap group.

They're called Nigger.

The unforeseen consequences include many physical injuries, when the little white kids go places to buy Nigger music. They go into record stores, walk up to the counter, look the clerk in the eye, and say "Nigger." 

This has caused much confusion and consternation over at BLM. While Nigger is donating 50% of their sales to BLM, BLM doesn't know whether to be grateful or set the record stores on fire.


Everybody despises political commercials - that's a given.
I have to admit the Trump commercials are pretty funny. They show Biden being old and senile. I can't wait for the Biden commercials.



This one's fresh off reality:
I went out (with my burglar mask) to pick up more ammo. Halfway to the car I realize I managed to successfully lock myself out of the house. This is unprecedented. You're going to say, "Why can't Mrs lefty open the door?" That's a really good question.. the answer is because she's 3 hours away, visiting. When  I screw up, I do it exquisitely, like I do everything.

I call my brother, because we exchange keys.
Nope.

So.. Plan B: knock out some glass in the door and let myself in. Not a good choice, but the only choice.  As I'm parking, my hand thanks me. I'm not used to that. There's Mrs lefty, car parked. Worked out well for me, but I couldn't figure out why she was home a few days early. At least the dog was happy to see me, and I got in my house without bloodshed.

And there was a diaper on my office chair. Nobody knows why. It could be worse... the diaper was clean.

What have I learned from this?
Staple the keys to my forehead.

I managed to combine my 2 favorite things in life

Captivity - Day 95 The Pandemic Ate My Baby!!

Hey, how about that next version of the Apple watch (WatchOS 7)? It comes with a health tracker. JUST STOP IT. Dump the entire company. Android is no better, but at least you can firewall the bad places off.



STOP BENDING MY PIZZA



Scientists discover 9 new insect species

1. Flies and stuff
2. some waspy things
3. Trumpisperia - bigass fly that's good. Very good.
4. those ones in Burbank, CA
5. M. Bidenum - short lifespan, spends most of its time sleeping
6. N. Pelosus - has worker bees build very large hive, won't let them inside
7. J. Brownus - the hardest working bee in hive business
8. U. Cobainus - very short lifespan. Keeps flying into anything vertical
9. Q. Elizabethus - born 94 years old, the only fly that is born with a hat. Turns into an alien wasp when angered.

The game Fortnite has removed all police cars from the game after BLM protests against police violence. Pre-emptive kowtowing?

Some place or team in England called Burnley got a bit embarrassed when, over their stadium flew a plane, carrying a banner that said "White Lives Matter Burnley"      If the UK were allowed to carry, they'd have shot the plane down. Instead, they threw box cutters at it. 10 injured on the ground, plane ok.

Robbers used to hold up people with guns.

Now they use temperature-taking guns.

It never fails. Every single purchase I make online has glitches or fails completely. Last night was no different. A very large corporation that rhymes with Mamazon wanted to verify me. I went in loops, trying to do what they asked, to no avail. Mind you, I've been a customer forever. Then it wouldn't let me purchase any of the items in my cart. A purchase at another site went well, then dumped me to PayPal, which promptly lost everything in my cart. Twice.  I couldn't even save my Mamazon cart because I couldn't sign in. The worst is still tickets for concerts. My entire neighborhood insists on a warning when I have to order tickets, so they can be elsewhere for a few hours. They even take their pets.

I suspect these companies date barnyard animals.
Jeff Bezos  (God - Amazon) not only has more money than God, he has an interesting sense of humor. Rather than telling billions of customers they can't order anything online, he decided to put up a site, with billions of products, including products from other retailers, mostly in China, which take 6 weeks to arrive. After browsing and very careful consideration (of which area in China you prefer to ship), you load up your virtual cart. The virtual cart is virtually a real life cart, but can't pass the Flying AIDS to you, and doesn't require cleaning. It may still have that one retarded wheel, though. In real life you stand in line (to stand in line) to get to the cashier and pay. Amazon is very similar, but you get to your checkout quickly, and there's something wrong. Always. Chrissie the cashier has to keep calling Manglement because nothing's priced. It's all priced at Mamazon, but you'll never get anywhere. The bag boy locally is a wonderful corporate gift: they hire the developmentally delayed people (now there's going to be a BLM protest outside my house because I didn't use this week's PC term for these folks. Well, it will be a peaceful riot - I'll tell them to bring instruments and I'll play guitar. I will also sing - badly. This will end the protest quickly). Oddly enough, they pack your stuff better than the bubblegum-chewing Tina's. Mamazon has no packers because even though you think you can check out, you never will. The people behind the scenes have so much fun, they can't believe they get paid for their jobs. As soon as a cart comes to checkout, they have a choice of 100 codes to screw up checking out and payment. I can't list them all because the doctors tell me to avoid stress.

Speaking of doctors, they told me to get a certain test. I called the testing place, asking about insurance, and she laughed. She told me it would only be $500. Then it was my turn to laugh.

Speaking of doctors, I used to go to the dentist as if he were just taking my blood pressure. Injections terrified me, but I didn't look at them, so I wasn't bothered. Then I went to see Dr Mengele. He wasn't as sadistic as he was supposed to be. But he really scared the snot out of me. Well, not him specifically.. the entire trip and everything about it. I have no idea what happened to me, but I wanted OUT. Fight or flight kicked in while in the chair, and I found the lower half of my body trying desperately to escape. That would create quite a sensation, especially if it left the top half of my body behind. It could still think independently because my brain is in my pants.

I can't think of a bad reason to work at home. Until today.
I could have been at my actual workplace today, answering my wife's call. She would've asked me if I know the flat rate for snaking a drain was $400. I did not know that. She would've called me back with the estimate of $950. I did not know that either. When it was all cleaned up, Plumber Math<tm> turned the 950 into $1100. That phone call definitely was better at work.

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I was looking for a good one-liner for this spot....

Windows Phone

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Bubba Wallace, NASCAR driver, found a noose in his team garage.
There's no excuse for this.
Today, the entire roll call of the Geico 500 marched with Bubba, pushing Bubba and his car down the track. All lives matter. Your family is your blood, whether family of birth or family of choice.

There's a black man called Bubba?
Usually Bubba is the guy hanging the black man.

Dogs are the greatest sentient life to evolve.  Plus they're a lot easier to raise; even the weird ones. After we adopt them, they become weird ones.

Mrs lefty sprung a nasty surprise on me and is going visiting.
Since it was late notice, I haven't procured a babysitter. Or anyone stupid enough to take the job. If any of you are local..... no offense, but I'd prefer the female readers. CIS hetero white male and card-carrying member of the Patriarchy. In fact I'm not just white, I'm very white. I'm so white, most of my body has never seen the sun. I do look out the window now and then, to see if there's any sun. Does that count?

it's almost like he knew...

Captivity - Day 94 You've got your republicans in her democrats

Today's best line:  I loved the Llama so much, I wondered what it would sound like if I had 2 Llamas.    - review of the Way Huge Red Llama guitar pedal


Idiot Governor says a few more things can open, but not til July 3rd.
Clueless power-grabbing ass, who must have left his virology doctorate at home.


The Philadelphia Parking Authority, featured on the vast wasteland that comprises bad tv, showing up on Parking Wars, will be resuming their nefarious activities.  Strange.... we can't go into businesses, yet the places we'd need to park are strictly enforced. Just what we'd expect from Mayor Spineless, who never met a cent he couldn't take from someone to advance his namby pamby agenda(s). I have nothing against the Authority; they're doing their job, and the idiots who park where they shouldn't, deserve what they get.  We'll add Idiot Governor, who hasn't done a thing, aside from holding onto his godlike power over the entire state.  The good news is that contactless payment is available. You can pay for your parking spot without fear of the Flying AIDS, then turn around to see the Mr Urine, napping against the bank. And he's not wearing a mask!


My latest billion dollar idea: laptop and external monitors that repel dust.


Belated and double Happy Fathers Day.
As for me, I asked Penny, of the Elite Spaniel Squad, for a laptop. We'll see how it works out. She doesn't say much, so it's difficult to figure out what she's up to. I told Mrs lefty I wanted a new amplifier. This could work out to my advantage, provided they don't talk to each other about it.

UPDATE: radio silence from Penny, but I won an auction for a very interesting amp. I won, I paid, and I got my money refunded. "Gee, we're sorry - we sold it out of the store and someone forgot to take it off the site."  Well. that's customer service. He could have offered something... "I'm really sorry for that. It shouldn't have happened. Pick something from the store and I'll see to it that you like the price. Or we'll give you free shipping." This is how you gain and keep customers.


A very special Fathers Day to the fathers who left us.
If only we could tell them...



The Food and Drug Administration has a Generally Regarded as Safe list
I don't know about you, but I'd feel safe taking medicine from that list.
I would not take medicine from the Sometimes Regarded as Safe list or the You Really Shouldn't Put That in Your Mouth list, as well as the You Took WHAT? list.



With the recent closure of SETI, I wonder what we listen for coming from space. SETI was a colossal waste of money and time. SETI was also colossal in size. What sorts of things should we listen for? People say the aliens see our tv shows from space and avoid Earth by any means necessary. Let's think 'outside the box (I hate that phrase)...

• like Earth, every civilized society has a lowest common denominator. So Really Bad TV might show what the Great Unwashed are up to. The aliens must think we're all the lowest common denominator
• If SETI proved anything, it was that there's nothing doing within its receiving range.
• Get the remote viewers on it (Men Who Stare at Goats)
• Ask Barbara Streisand
• We may not have to strain the range of our equipment. In fact, we may not need the equipment. It is said that if we look hard enough, we will find what we're looking for. Perhaps closer than we think.

2 big 1970s artists:

The Captain and Tenille
The Carpenters

The Captain (Daryl Dragon) died years ago.
Karen Carpenter (Karen Carpenter) died more years ago.

Coincidence?


Useless trivia:
The Captain (Daryl Dragon) and his wife, Toni Tenille (Tony Tenille) had humongous hit with Love Will Keep Us Together. It came from every speaker in every radio on every station for a year.  This was particularly confusing to the talk radio station's listeners. The Captain was noted for his captain's hat, a very silly head covering. It turned out his hair was green, from a suspicious groupie incident, and the hat hid his shame.

It was later discovered that Toni (Tony) was a male impersonator, and all her vocals were done by Joe Biden. Joe was replaced by Betty White when he started to forget the words. The group recorded a version of Muskrat Love, at which point the entire country sat there, mouth agape, and turned off the radio in unison. Not a bad idea, when you think about it...

The Carpenters were Karen and Richard Carpenter, siblings. Karen had a very good voice, and played the guitar. This was a minor problem, as they used to sit her behind the drums. Richard played the piano (allegedly) and pretty much sat there. Later on it was discovered that he was a major prankster and had bipolar disorder. They had to glue him to the piano bench, so he wouldn't get up to anything. Several band members disappeared under suspicious circumstances on tour, but they managed to keep it quiet. They were never found.

Karen (Caren) unfortunately developed anorexia and died, which put quite a dent in the band, from which it never recovered. To this day, Richard roams the streets of Cleveland, asking passers-by, "Don't you know who I am? I played piano for Karen Carpenter." 20 years later, it was discovered they were more than brother and sister. The comeback tour will feature Richard, with Nancy Pelosi on vocals, who looks borderline anorexic herself.

Vietnam is the largest nation without Flying AIDS deaths.
Apparently Agent Orange kills it.


ThermionicEmissions gives you tentative proof of God: the Philadelphia boy who is in the hospital, after being shot 12 times.

I'm here to clean up The Flying AIDS. It's going to be a dirty job.

Captivity - Day 93 Wanna See My 8 track Collection, Baby?

I like to shake things up by releasing these in odd numerical order. That's about all I've got these days.


Happy F Day, to whom it applies.
It's Sunday - why the F are people mowing at 11am?


I looked up my local mall to see if they were open. They seem to have forgotten to update their page. I know this because it said March 3rd. They were kind enough to let us know Sears was open just fine, and Kay Jewelers had curbside service. "Oh, K? I'd like an engagement ring. Could you bring one to the curb?"

Guitar Center emailed to say it's not too late to get Dad a gift card. I should probably forward this to Wife. I feel privileged: she has an email filter specifically for me. I asked if it brought all my emails to the top and she said close; it brings all  my emails to the trash. Perhaps if I print out the email and leave it on top of the shoe store sale flyer....


Mrs lefty said all men want a threesome.
I looked at her incredulously and said, "What - and disappoint 2 women at the same time?"


I always found myself drawn to technology. If I were doing a play, I'd wind up wanting to do sound instead. Nothing has changed... I want to be the guy who wires up the wireless mics to celebrities. "Ms Vergara? I have to snake this small black wire up your shirt and clamp it to your collar for your microphone. Oops."



Mrs lefty asked me to carry a whole lotta stuff out of the back room. I said, "Excuse me? I don't carry boxes - I am a knowledge worker."

So I carried everything.




Joe Rogan is undergoing SJW canceling (whine, never watch again, expect everyone else to not watch again, contact his boss, contact his advertisers) for making a joke about female comics not being allowed onstage until they orally satisfy him.

It's a joke, you socially correct fun-vacuums. They've been around forever.
I used to be a musical comic. At a college (of course), some SJW boy came up and said we were really bashing Jews. We explained to Cindy that many of the group were Jewish and we bashed everyone equally. Keep in mind that all we did  was song parodies. Then he said we were really hard on women.

I did my level best to remain calm and listen to what he had to say. Susie looked at me and told the group I looked like I was ready to kill him. I've never been good at hiding my emotions. This was over 20 years ago and still gets my snot boiling. It was a sign of things to come. We had to stop doing colleges ($$) because the SJWs were infiltrating campuses. And just the other day, students apologized for letting the police use their bathrooms at one of their informal riots.

Where was I?  Oh, jokes.
Back in the Olde Days<tm>, we'd  listen to a comedian and find him funny or not. If funny, we'd watch. If not funny, we wouldn't watch. I hated Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, Elaine Boosler, Jerry Seinfeld, and all the other whiny, neurotic alleged comedians. Did I call the venues, agents, sponsors, bus companies, parents, and keep it mentally stored in case there was ever social media? Apparently I had a life (or something) and this idea would take way too much time. In addition, I wasn't interested in taking away anybody else's enjoyment of the things I didn't like. Are you seeing any similarities to today?

Joe Rogan: after you read this, know that even though I don't watch or listen to you, I'm squarely behind you. In spirit. Because I can't do shit for you. And because you don't read this blog (although you should). And maybe if famous people read this blog, they'd steal my stuff. As if it were worth stealing. I know you're a psyop, but I promise not to tell anyone.


Make sure you read carefully, unlike me, who likes to look at the pitchers.
I saw something called a Cloud Microphone. Whenever I hear 'cloud,' I cringe. Now I'm wondering if the microphone goes to the cloud and comes back down. That would be a hell of a trick, not to mention the delay.


My BFF is a lesbian.
That makes two women I'm not sleeping with.


In fact, I know a lot of ladies, none of whom have expressed the slightest desire to sleep with me.

My wife is amused. And cruel.
One day at work, a very pretty lady walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek, in full view of a few people. She turned around and walked away. I told my wife, who said she probably lost a bet.  I told you she was cruel. Coincidentally, my BFF, the lesbian, was standing right there with me. We'd sit in the office and rate breasts going by.  Speaking of coincidences, Mrs lefty's BFF was a gay guy. THEY would sit there and rate asses. This dipshit had AIDS, pretty much cured, then took too much whatever, and died falling on his face. He was a great dude and we miss him.

Captivity - Day 92 That's NOT My Keys

I'm listening to the scanner, because there's unrest in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
There's unrest all over the place, but at least Tulsa has an accent. Here's a report you probably don't hear often: "Man with an AR-15, white shirt. A group of them, all with body armor."  Now that's a parade!


Mrs lefty, knowing my abject hatred of those masks, bought me a... umm... thing... it's a black stretchy tubey thing that you put your head through. It sits on your neck and you raise it to cover your face and nose. It's black, so it's very nice and warm in the 85 degree weather. When I went to get our malts, other people were wearing their regular Stupid White Masks<tm>. I had my Stupid Black Mouth Rag. It occurred to me that the employees can no longer tell the customers from the robbers. Black Hoodies Matter. Dairy Queen was all set up for the Flying AIDS: only 4 in the store at one time. There were huge red X's on the floor, so we could maintain social distancing. I wanted to puke, but I wanted a malt* more. Around here, you have to belt your drinks in, even with a carrier, because the people on the roads shouldn't be. When you have to brake, the malts will go flying. Nothing screws up a day like a damaged malt.


Earlier this evening, on the longest day of the year, Uranus was in retrograde.
It is always good to know where Uranus has been.


IRS Used Cellphone Location Data to Try to Find Suspects
They failed, fortunately for our rights. "But I have nothing to fear... I don't break the law."  Actually you do: your civil rights are being usurped. You have a right to the pursuit of happiness, speech, assembly, guns, not having your privacy invaded and property stolen, etc. Each time you ignore this, you're that much closer to losing your rights permanently.


These kids today.... they don't even know how to roll down a car window.


Muhammed Ali, Jr, son of his father, says Muhammed Ali would be against Black Lives Matter, calling the movement "racist" and the protesters "devils."

Speaking of BLM: a black preacher informed the crowd that 'Planned Parenthood #1 killer of blacks.'
Never one to avoid non-sequitirs, she continued with, 'The reason blacks don't play golf is the shit those honkies wear.'



The Chinese media proposes Beijing pass 'George Floyd Human Rights Bill.'
Stop it. Stop it.
The problem with Chinese laws is that after an hour, you have to pass another law.
But seriously, folks, America thanks China for the tribute as it passes the 'Victims of Coronavirus Rights Bill.'



Newspapers have crosswords.
Other blogs have great content.
I have... ummm...  a test of perception:

.   .

Above we have 2 periods.
One is a regular period, the other is an italic period. Can you tell me which is which?




* What is a malt? You know those malted milk balls with the chocolate shell? The light part is a powder and it's blended in with a milkshake. It's a delight, and by that, you can tell I'm a real simpleton who doesn't get out much.

we call this piece "How to get your cause ignored"

Captivity - Day 91 You didn't see this and it didn't happen

Birthday wishes to Art Bell (RIP), the man who practically invented late night paranormal radio. Regards to his family.


You listen to us, we listen to you. And so does the CIA.
-- KGRA radio


California Idiot Governor Newsom (D-Uranus) ordered all citizens to wear masks in public.


Idiot Governor has been suspiciously quiet. Hopefully he's not using this time to get us into more trouble.



Linux D00ds: Need a really good laptop?  System76 builds the laptops for linux and it comes installed. Many models, many options. Windows not available.  Highly recommended by everyone I asked, great reviews. These will blow the doors off a $500+ laptop and you won't have to install linux and wonder if there are drivers available. I asked Santa (or Satan) for one.

Remember: there's no such thing as Satan. It's just swamp gas.


Apple will close some stores again in states that are seeing a resurgence of Covid-19 cases.  Hang on a minute... yesterday they were reopening some of their stores. Today they're re-closing some of their stores. Tomorrow they will be re-reopening stores in states that start with a vowel. Next week, the open stores will collaborate with Elon Musk and launch their geniuses into space. It's not due to financial reasons; people just don't like them.



People are on about the importance of diversity in the workplace.
Not at the expense of talent.
But now we have to acknowledge our unconscious bias.

smuggled picture of Space Force training

Space Force - a Special Edition

Warning:
lefty babbles skeptically about Space Force, in which he proves that Space Force ain't what it seems.



So, we have Space Force [insert deep voice with lots of echo].
I never really heard what it was about - just that we had it. We've been messing around in space for a long time: this is not our first ride.

Here's their site.

Here's their about page:

MISSION:
The USSF is a military service that organizes, trains, and equips space forces in order to protect U.S. and allied interests in space and to provide space capabilities to the joint force. USSF responsibilities include developing military space professionals, acquiring military space systems, maturing the military doctrine for space power, and organizing space forces to present to our Combatant Commands.


The Space Force was established under the Department of the Air Force.

What are we fighting against?
The page claims things like nuclear missiles. We can already see nuclear missiles. Our existing satellites can see a license plate on a car in detail. Then there's NORAD, which can also see all sorts of interesting things, like nuclear missiles and craft of unknown origin. They claim watching satellites and space debris. Sorry, guys, we already have every satellite and piece of junk cataloged very carefully, by the likes of Satview - Tracking satellites and Spacejunk in Real time. Oops - inconvenient facts.


This is Public information

1. JAPAN FIRM TO DEVELOP SATELLITE TO REMOVE SPACE DEBRIS
How do they know where it is without Space Force?

2. ROCKET LAB TO LAUNCH SATELLITES FOR US SPYSAT AGENCY AND NASA
Keep it in the open so no one will see it

3. Space debris is a major challenge as the chances of collision are high. If there is a collision, then the outgoing satellite or space vehicle will be totally damaged. At present the chances of near-by passage of space debris to working satellites is 20,000 approaches per week. This will steadily climb up to 50,000 close-by per week by 2050
How do they know where all of it is?

4. See all the satellites and space junk
Shit - Space Force vs web page. Only one can be correct.

5. Space Junk: Tracking & Removing Orbital Debris
Uh-oh

6. How Satellites Avoid Attacks And Space Junk While Circling The Earth

7. A global network of space surveillance sensors provide vital information on the location of satellites and space debris for the nation and the world. Maintaining space superiority is an emerging capability required to protect U.S. space assets from hostile attacks.
Are you going to tell us there's already a system in place?

So if we already have these capabilities, what is Space Force (aside from a huge bonus for the Military Industrial Complex)? Again?

Many suspect that some of our space weapons are actually pointed out, instead of at Earth. The Department of Defense never told me, so I remain neutral.


Warning 2: I (damn near) proved that Space Force is not what it's advertised as, but cannot say what it is.
 



Stupid Space Fact of the Day
A couple of years ago, I monitored the Space Station as it flew over my region. I could hear the Earthbound amateur radio guys contacting it. Fun day.

Captivity - DAY 90 Be leary of aardvarks

It's accepted that weatherpersons are wrong most of the time.
They said it would be cloudy and rainy. It's 88% humid and bright. I can live with that.


Phrases you don't hear often:
You're such a tease, Mom...


Did you ever hear a song and not recognize it.... then you find out it's one of your favorite groups?


Creators say diversity in games essential


Raheem Sterling says it was a "massive step" that Premier League players took a knee in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. After the knee, they burned down their stadium.

Black lives DO matter. It's just hollow, now that companies are going out of their way to mention it. Guitar Center, tv networks, commercials, etc.

Yesterday was Another One of Those Days. I was pretty mad and verbal. Today I'm ANGRY. After about 3 hours of my classic entertainment, any sentient being, along with anything metal, left the house in panic mode. It's just not pretty. The neighbors bring out their chairs and popcorn to watch (safe distancing is 2 houses down). First was Object Aviation, otherwise known as 'throwing shit'. Many things became airborne, from soda cans to large tables, to the Camaro that was parked in the living room. They laughed when I said I could launch a car. They're not laughing now.

The wife and dog came back home very quietly, hoping I'd gone back to launching lighter items. Airport tower radar only registered the Camaro, but they just shook their heads, laughed, and said, "lefty's at it again." Their favorite story was when they tracked a tractor, which went up, past radar range, and demolished an NSA spy satellite. Anger can lead to positive outcomes - don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

There is a right wing group called Boogaaloo Boys. They're showing up at protests, on the opposite side of BLM. Apparently they have everything up to white supremacists. What really bothers me is that their uniform is Hawaiian shirts. These mf-ers stole my appreciation of Hawaiian shirts. I've been wearing them since before anyone knew about the web (they go great with diapers). How DARE these people make my obnoxious clothing a negative symbol. I'd let them know how I feel, but they carry automatic weapons.

Speaking of clothing, Black hole plasma jets are shaped like bell-bottoms.

Black laptops are shaped like shorts.

Black roads are shaped like cargo pants.

Black cars are shaped like slutty lingerie.

I was minding my own business, working, when the landline and cell phone went off at the same time. The moment they stopped, the landline rang again. Then the cell again.

Then there's Telephonic Round Robin: call cell - no answer. then call landline - no answer. If we're really lucky, they'll call a 2nd cell. Hey, I have an idea... if I don't answer, I'm obviously ignoring you. Calling a different line is not going to help you and it's only going to piss me off. Do you really want that on your back?
Balancing LEAVE ME ALONE with "You never answer and we're not calling you ever" is a difficult task. umm..... you could always leave a fkng message.

James Fairbanks lived near a pedophile.
James Fairbanks shot and killed the pedophile.
James Fairbanks is in jail for 1st degree murder.
James Fairbanks has a GoFund Me or similar, and he's getting tons of support from all over the country, monetary and otherwise.

Sorry, James.. we are a nation of laws, and you broke one. The big one.
The only way you could kill the bastard is if he was coming at you with a gun or anything that made you feel afraid for your life.

Yeah, the guy deserved it, but you have to do things by the law.
We also need to come up with a viable solution for pedos. Life in jail? Mrs lefty says throw him in with the general population and the problem take care of itself. Then there's chemical castration. Unfortunately it's worthless: pedos don't perform because of a sex drive. They perform because they're not right upstairs. If they castrated him, he'd still be active, just not with his jolly roger.

Then there's the not-discussed effects on the victim.
It's beyond horrible. If the child doesn't get the required help, things will not go well. They will grow up with all sorts of issues and might wind up in jail. Could be bad behavior, alcohol, drugs, recreating the crime, or becoming an abuser. The psychological effects are awful. They could also become dissociative, which looks kinda 'checking out' at the better end of the spectrum. If the abuse is repeated and traumatic, they could wind up with multiple personalities, which is the far end of the dissociative spectrum. I know this because I'm married to someone on the far end of the spectrum.

Capticity - Day 89 Don't Trust the Aardvarks

Remember alarm clocks?  Before phones?
The things that wound up or had an LED display?
When you were late, you could blame the alarm.
Not so much now - it's not like your phone forgets to alarm you or runs late.
Except mine.
I jumped up, checked the time, and ran like mad. THEN the alarm went off.
20 minutes late.
HOW does a phone's alarm go off late?


Idiotic Idea of the Day
"instead of sending 2 police officers, send 1 police officer and 1 social worker.
protester in New York City

For the most part, we do not negotiate with terrorists.
Why are we negotiating with Seattle protesters?



It's, without a doubt, another one of those days.
You know it's not going well when the first thing you do is pick up a trash can and the entire contents fall out and decorate the stairwell. Then a 6' piece of heavy plastic spontaneously throws itself to the ground. Open the fridge and an open soda launches itself at you before you are awake. The 7am mower, and your tjnryping has gone to hell (further), tripping on everything (even things that aren't there). I'm trying to ignore the smaller bits of stuff that have levitated and are singing - what's worse is I don't like the songs. Yesterday too.  If this keeps up, I will need either a great idea for revenge, or a painless way out. I can burn it, but sleeping is difficult on the lawn.


When you have to make a window bigger or smaller, you grab the outside of the window. To move it, you grab the top bar of the window. People have trouble grabbing the outside of the window because it requires fine movement. I have no problem; I hit the outside most of the time. It's hard for me to hit the top bar.
I. Do. Not. Do. Drugs.



Apple is reopening 70 stores. You are required to wear a very expensive, upscale mask to enter the stores.

Ok, I've had my fun - let me show you something impressive: You can say 'Hey  Siri, I'm getting pulled over' and the iDevice will record the stop and send a location.



Vice President Mike "Praise the Lord" Pence says the Flying AIDS numbers are too high because of testing. Either this is really complex or incredibly stupid (I'd go for the latter). "There was no flu til we started testing for it. As we tested the numbers went up." Does your head hurt too?


If you have T-Mobil, you had an outage yesterday.
The head of the FCC is pissed. He said it's unacceptable and is launching an investigation, which is more than he's done since he got the job. Mark my words: if they are found guilty, there will be some serious wrist slapping.


Scientists Say Most Likely Number of Contactable Alien Civilizations Is 36.

Coincidentally, this is the same number of people who can put together Ikea products.

If you are a customer of  Cougary, Gay Daddy Bear, Xpal, BBW Dating, Casualx, SugarD, Herpes Dating, and GHunt. In all, the researchers found 845 gigabytes and close to 2.5 million records, your data is open to the internet. Hopefully the data will be locked down shortly, but that's closing the barn door after the hay got out.

The lady who set 2 police cars on fire during the Philly riot was found and now has charges against her.  

CNN: Flush carefully. Study suggests coronavirus could spread in spray from toilet.

By centering the cuisines of immigrants and Black people, Padma Lakshmi's new show Taste the Nation feels like a direct response to the overwhelming whiteness of American food media, writes @scaachi

Can we all get along?

Captivity - Day 88 You Can't Hang Yourself with the Curtains

Mrs lefty took advantage of the sun and good temperature and went shopping.
Fortunately the shoe stores aren't open yet.
Lowes looks like the aftermath of forecast snow. Shelves were almost picked clean of garden tools and the only bird feed they had was in 40lb bags, all of which were ripped open. You can't buy a shovel.

Speaking of helium, you can't find it. You can find balloons. The one place that had helium, had no balloons. And now the place with the balloons doesn't have balloons. It's the Helium Conspiracy, you know.  A theory hasn't been formed yet. Maybe the Illuminati are hoarding helium. They want to build an H bomb.

On the way out of Lowes, she saw a BMW with an elderly gentleman in the passenger seat. The car wasn't running, the windows weren't rolled down, and the temp had risen significantly. She went over and gestured 'can I open the door?' The poor old guy was uncomfortably hot. She asked if he'd like the windows down or the air conditioning on. The guy said he leaves it alone because his son's car is new and he doesn't know how to operate it. Mrs lefty would have none of this, especially as the ding dong who owns it left the keys in the ignition. She turned on the a/c, the gent was happy, and now he has a story he can tell.

We are told not to leave pets in the car with the windows up. Do we really have to warn people not to leave old persons in the car with the windows up? Wife's brother got a BMW. She asked him how long it will take til he drives like an asshole.


In other news, the Boeing 737 MAX continues to not be fixed.
Flying is aiming yourself at the ground and missing. The 737 fails to miss.
I think we've begun the age of the machines. AI is slowly getting rid of us. The 737 plummets, Teslas crash into things, and the Internet of insecure stuff is wide open for the hacking. Skynet has gone online.


BEST headline:  Man who shot himself in penis gets hard sentence


If you go to a protest or mass gathering, turn location OFF on your phone.  The BLM protests are being monitored, collecting your info for political parties or Flying AIDS monitoring. Or turn off your phone. There are no laws around this.


The FDA has canceled emergency use of Hydroxychloroquine, as unlikely to produce an antiviral effect. Again - they have NO. IDEA. What they're talking about.


Are we aghast about Seattle, where BLM/Antifa took over a few blocks and issued DEMANDS before they would leave? If their parents were there, they'd say, "If you're going to behave like an animal, you belong in a zoo."

We have a funny way of dealing with illegal activity.

We can all agree that the Floyd killing was completely unjustified and morally wrong. It appears the response to the rioting wasn't all that great. So far, nobody has said what IS a good response. Letting people illegally occupy multi-block neighborhoods seems less than optimal. I suspect this won't end well. At this point, the police are handicapped from above, and the illegal occupants are quite nasty and prepared for a skirmish.

In Philly, we deal with things differently: we bomb the house (and most of the block)


Walmart wants to get rid of all cashiers, instead using self-service lanes. Good old Walton family... squeezing every penny out of their employees and customers. Of course it's their right, as a business, but it's ugly. They can put the savings into more surveillance. You're already on tape at the checkout... maybe some drones to follow you around.  Time to not show up at Walmart. This disease is starting to affect other stores too.


SHOCKING:  More than 7 in 10 people won't use contact-tracing apps. We're starting to slowly understand privacy!

Captivity - Day 87 Fractured Femur Follies

It's a beautiful day.
Especially for Wife, as she had to take a sleeping pill last night.
This would explain why she was up most of the night.



Andy Warhol said that in the future, everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame. He was more correct than he knew. There's a site called Cameo, where you can pay a certain amount of money and talk to a.... ummmm.... any number of actors, actresses, washed up celebrities, people you never heard of, YouTube 'stars', 'influencers', radio hosts, rappers, minor characters from tv shows, minor characters from radio shows, models, podcasters, stylists, FURRIES, and anything else you can think of. Check out who's available - even though you've never heard of them. Price varies.   Where was I going with this? It just seems to me that this is the evolution of .... something. Maybe it's setting us up for when we plug into the net with our brains. Or lack of thereof.  It also shows that gender equality is in place in sports reporting: there are a lot of female sports reporters, most are attractive. Let's see.... Andy Dick, Cheryl Tiegs, a Mr T lookalike, and more drag queens than you can shake a lipsitck tube at.  If I were given free choice of one chat, thus far, I'd choose the guy whose description is 'dog rescuer.'

Sure, I'm having a poke at these folks, but readers and the voices in my head tell me that I'm even lower on the ladder than these people.



Related: Richard Dolan (a particularly bright ufo researcher) said mass news and mass tv and mass social networks are the lowest. Also the brightest, so most people consume them. It's a mental prison.




Somebody woke the CDC, probably by accident, and it accidentally issues its latest guidelines about the Flying AIDS.



So I'm sitting at my desk, as I do at work, and I get a meeting notice at the EXACT time the lawnmowing started next door.


Clair's had a payment-card ripoff of online customers. Act accordingly.


While you're fretting about your shaky financial position, caused by the Flying AIDS or something else, know that Ukraine is being forced, by the Department of Defense, to take $250 million in the 2020 Ukraine Security Assistance Initiative.  I sure hope they survive.


Flashback to many years ago:
My musical comedy group was finally playing close to my house.
We were doing our thing, the audience was having a blast, when the lead singer went off-script, stopped the show, and put a beer bottle over my head. He asked the audience if he should pour the bottle over one of us. Unfortunately the one he asked about was me. The audience decided very quickly this was a great idea.

He subsequently poured the entire bottle over my head, which ran down my body. He was amused, the audience was jubilant, and I was..... wet.  I'm a good sport and we finished the gig.

My cohorts  razzed the hell out of me afterwards.
There were only 2 problems: the beer got all over my guitar.
Also, I smelled like a brewery. If the cops pulled me over, I sense they wouldn't believe I don't drink.....

That's show business.
Not really.


Huh?

CNN adds Greta Thunberg to expert panel on 'What it's like being black in America'

Their has been a change in the source code for android: allowlist/blocklist have been substituted for whitelist/blacklist. GitHub will replace 'master' with 'main' Feel better now?

Captivity - Day 86 The Mosquitos Ate My Tree

They tell me it was nice outside.
Unfortunately I only had one nap. It ran from noon to 8:28.
Going to see if I can get one more in before bed.


As a result of all the protesting, I'm only watching porn with a positive message.


My BFF had some odd tremors. He went to the doctor and got some medicine for it. They told him to take the pill carefully because it could cause sleepiness. He slept the entire day. Then he slept most of the day. In fact, he slept most of the week. He went back to the doc, complaining that the pill put him to sleep. Doc said it worked perfectly: he was not bothered by tremors the entire week.



Pro Tip: If you're going to have sex at work, don't use the room with the only color laser printer. I had no idea so many people print in color. errr... what I meant was I had to print in color and......




One of the Big Things we will all ponder and face, is 'what's it all about?' Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to leave a legacy or get out so quietly that no one notices?

While I'm meandering all over the place, I found the results of a study that said volunteering may add years to your lifespan and improves overall well-being.

I have none of the answers, but I suspect volunteering belongs in there somewhere. It comes under 'Do Good.' This doesn't directly answer the questions but it may be helpful as you continue to work on them. At very least, it's good for whoever you're volunteering for, as well as yourself. Volunteering is an all-encompassing word that covers many things. You can volunteer at a shelter, an animal shelter, zoo, children's organizations, local charities or projects... the list is endless. I kinda like 'Do Good' more. The smaller or more-personal level stuff is rewarding.

Someone suggested a Big Brother or mentoring thing. Good God, do you really want your poor child to be mentored by or spend time with a fairly 'different'  blogger who studies conspiracies, has the maturity of an adolescent, and thinks that most people on the planet are idiots? Teach the child about ufos, interesting approaches to sex, the Kennedy assassination, and how our rulers are going to ruin life for us all? How to lockdown his phone and stop using Google for anything because they're coming to get us?  Don't these organizations screen volunteers?

Ok, so maybe that's not for me.
I could give guitar lessons (if I didn't have the patience of a pregnant gnat).
Mentor in computers (provided they forsake Windows)
Teach swimming  (it would be more of a teaching to drown- I can't swim)

They say that the teacher learns from the student. They could teach me:

Social media
How to talk to girls
Behaving in public  (just a little bit)
Vegetables
A great love of current music

Perhaps I need to rethink this volunteering thing...



The doctor said to cut down on caffeine.
I was horrified.
He took one look at me and suggested, "Why don't you just spill more of it on your shirt?"

Captivity -- Day 85 My Boobies Lie Over the Ocean

The humidity went into hiding today.
Nobody missed it.



In November 1963, a popular young president drove into an ambush.
Various unstolen video and pictures show the crowd running toward the grassy knoll after the shooter.

Can you imagine, heaven forbid, if that happened today?
The crowd wouldn't move because the shooting came from the crowd. Antifa would be high fiving each other, half the crowd would cheer, and the limo couldn't get to the hospital because BLM was peacefully laying in the street (reloading). All video from every angle would be on YouTube before the FBI could confiscate a single phone. The newspapers would say the fatal shot came from a killer satellite over Australia, which bounced off Russia first. In spite of YouTube's policy of not glorifying violence, they left the footage up because it was 'uplifting.'



Today's best had to be the little kid asking his mom why that lady's pocketbook said FUCK on it. Because he was looking at Mrs lefty's FUCK keychain. Mrs lefty apologized, the mom would have no apologizing, and they laughed. If the kids ever go back to school, I give him 2 days before suspension.

Speaking of which, the police appeared at the home of an 11 year old boy, in a  virtual classroom. A teacher spotted the child's bb rifle on the wall and called the police. The police asked for Mom's permission to SEARCH the house, then they turned up the bb rifle. Of course there were no charges, because there was nothing illegal. They should have charged the teacher for causing a panic. The child was terrorized.



They let me out today.
After checking with the doctors, Mrs lefty was told ok, but not for too long, and to get me home immediately if I started to look stressed. How could anybody be stressed while picking up a pizza from our favorite place?

Even though it was never a problem before, all of the sudden they required masks.
Uh oh.
Mrs lefty took one look at me and suggested we go home. NOW.
She says I tend to look more homicidal than normal when we go out.

Trying out a few new things the doctors taught me, I figured I'd get into the restaurant. With a mask.

By way of explanation, even though I'm perfectly correct, I don't have to wear a mask in the house, except when Mrs lefty's feeling kinky. So I don't feel like wearing one when occasionally permitted outside.

NO. NO. No. N. No mask.
I don't NEED a mask.
I didn't have to wear one 2 weeks ago - why now?
They're foul. They're wrong. They make my nose sweat. And they stink.

So I got a gold star from Mom, who loved the pizza. Mrs lefty said I was allowed to remain alive (at least til the evening).

The small strip mall with Lowes has NO parking left. Hundreds and hundreds of spots, all full. A large store - all empty. I'm starting to shake, moreso. Breathing deeply, I agree to go to Bob's, where they always have the stuff we're looking for.

Except this time, when Bob's is completely sold out of everything we need. Never mind, we run into someone we haven't seen in years. In the next aisle, we run into someone we haven't seen in months. I wanted to leave before we ran into Mom, who we saw a few hours earlier. All of them came from Lowes, where they couldn't park.



I did my weekly check on visiting my favorite places. Both restaurants still don't deliver to tables, although one does in 3 stores in PA, all on the other side of the state. Idiot Governor thinks the Flying AIDS leaves the state from west to east.

I'm so desperate, I want to visit Guitar Center.
I pulled up their site, where half the screen announced BLACK LIVES MATTER.
Ok, good to see another corporation spouting the required rhetoric.
Currently there is only curb service. I have absolutely no idea how you try out a guitar at the curb, but who am I to question the wisdom.
Their plan for opening was that they would keep everything clean. They won't TUNE the guitars, but they'll clean them.

The customers and staff will wear masks (a grave improvement in looks) and the staff would help the customers at an appropriate distance. YES SIR - THAT'S A STRATOCASTER. IT'S A DAMN FINE GUITAR. WHAT? YES, I HAVE 2 AT HOME. CRANK IT UP! WHAT? I CAN'T TURN THE AMP ON BECAUSE YOU'RE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO IT.

Perhaps I'll wait.

The end of the day was picking up the medicine the doctors gave me.
We got to the pharmacy on time. But they require masks too.
Life is cruel.

Captivity - Day 84 Wanna See My Tire Iron?

Live Sitcom Time occurred today. This is one of those times when things seem so bizarre, you think you must be on tv.

Mrs lefty is in her office. I'm enjoying the cool air on the couch, stretched out, getting ready to start the snoring.

--> LIGHTS <--

BANG

CRASH

WHOOSH BANG

Ok, I'll play.... I opened a singular eye.  The light is blinding and Mrs lefty is sliding stuff off the table onto the floor and into the trash.  BANG

I'm amazed at the timing. It was minutes after I laid down. I looked around for the tv cameras but couldn't find any. No studio audience either.  CRASH

I couldn't let this go, so in my sweetest tone, I asked if I was sleeping too quietly for her.

NO, I killed 3 [BANG]  4 ants!
Everything has to be thrown out and get the ant bait. I'll spray. Call the neighbors... if we have 4, they probably have hundreds. This is the time of year when they come inside.

I'll call the police too, just to let them know.
It's going to be a long night.



Flying AIDS Fallout

I hate to sound like a reviewer or salesman, but medicine is undergoing a paradigm change as a result of the Flying AIDS. Because of the way telehealth worked out, docs and patients are supposedly really happy with it. This will be an important factor when people are 'allowed' to go to work and the doctor's office. Doc may not be that interested in seeing you in-person. It's causing problems now because most docs and staff aren't in their office, so they can't get to everything or communicate immediately with their staff and coworkers.

Consider that your 'appointment' can be over the phone or video, using your phone or other device. Are you comfortable with either of these? Do you have a space that you can be alone and not be overheard? Do you want Doc to see what's on your walls or your naked spouse running around the room? Does telemedicine sound good to you?



Americans are a bright, creative group, who can weather any storm. To that effect, strip clubs are offering 'coronavirus-free lap dances', drive-thru pole dances, and food delivery.  A lap dance with a mask-wearing stripper, performed 6' away sounds less than optimal, but who am I to judge? It just proves we have great imaginations too.

(Reuters) - Sexual activity among young American men has declined sharply since 2000, with nearly a third reporting no sex with a partner in the prior year, according to a survey study published on Friday that suggests social media and electronic gaming might be filling the void.  Any male who would refuse sex for social media or games should be examined: blood work, intrusive psychotherapy, testosterone levels, penis check, and STD testing to make sure the worms haven't bored into his brain and eaten it slowly. The only thing that would cause this in men over 20 would be marriage.



Social media 'influencers', as a term, ar just silly
With that in mind, I just read that the influencers are wearing blackface, in solidarity with Black Lives Matter.  I remember way back in the dark past (of last week), Jimmy Fallon was on his knees, apologizing for being in blackface over 10 years ago.  There appears to be some uncertainty about whether blackface is ok or not. After we figure this out, we can ignore the social media influencers and force them to get real jobs.



Told You So
The other day I said that you can't have a discussion because you're not allowed to talk about certain things. Stealing my thunder, days later, is NY Mag's Intelligencer, where Andrew Sullivan asks "Is there still room for debate?" He's right. Of course I was right first.



Can you explain to me how one of the largest corporations on earth can put out an email program that won't open to the same size every time? Sometimes it comes up like I set it. Sometimes fullscreen or halfscreen. (rhymes with Mouthbook365)

And that same humongous entity can put out a huge chat program that can't remember your audio/video settings and cannot be made smaller than 1/4 of your entire screen, like its predecessor? (rhymes with Beams)

We know how I feel about Microsoft, but this annoys normal people too.



China media says the US is having a 'cultural revolution'.
Offers to lend Trump a tank for Al Sharpton to stand in front of.



Listen up, Christians
Christianity Today calls for churches to pay reparations to black people: "Repentance is not enough."

A spokesman for Black Lives Matter said that they were recruiting heavily due to multiple upcoming church protests.

Fearing peaceful protest, churches are upgrading their fire detectors.

Captivity - Day 83 My Service Elephant Called in Sick

Up early, I remembered waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I was not disappointed. We have one of our good old brown weather days. Ridiculous humidity, darkness, and light rain, which will continue all day. Well, yes, we had a lot of really nice days, but I prefer to concentrate on the negative - because you know it's coming.

Here are the numbers:
Temp 78
Humidity 88



Isn't it about time the mullet came back?
No?


We have many fancy terms and foreign derivative names for things, so why are we stuck with Sex Worker? It's a tiny step from prostitute and 2 steps from ho. Please forward suggestions. Let me see what I can come up with, while I'm typing...

Pavement Laying Professional
Professional Suction Specialist
3 Holes on the Green
Temporary Wife Substitute
Organ Worker
Orgasm Disbursal Unit
Pleasure Specialist
Pleasure Worker


Client: I'd like the full wife treatment, please.
Worker: Ok, I'll take your money, deny you sex, and nag the hell out of you.


Client: I want to do it doggy style.
Worker: Ok, you sniff my butt, I'll get into the trash, and we'll bark at the neighbors.
For $50 extra, I'll shit on the floor.



Let's Ruin the Mood, shall we?

When camera video became good enough, I gave some thought to taking video. There was an internal.... hitch.... about it. It had something to do with the future.

My dad died last year. While cleaning the phone, I came across a video. There he sat, talking and holding court. He can't be gone.. he's alive right there. I can see and hear him.

It was difficult to watch. This was the internal hitch.
I wonder if my perspective will change in 10 years.




Did You Miss the SJWs?



Your Guide to Technical Terms

Master: the main hard drive if more than 1
Slave: hard drives that aren't the master
But the SJWs are demanding these terms change

White Hat Hacker: 'good' hacker who discovers issues or gets paid to check business networks
Black Hat Hacker: 'bad' hacker who breaks into networks for personal gain
But the SJWs are demanding these terms change - No info on Gray Hat

Whitelist: in a firewall, let this address go through
Blacklist: in a firewall, block this address
But the SJWs are demanding these terms change

I literally used to joke that this would happen.


While the SJWs had a few spare moments, they also decided that STEM/Science professionals stop Science and work on racism instead  [#ShutDownSTEM]


Berklee College of Music apologized for allowing Boston Police to use their restrooms after a peaceful protest. On Faceyspaces.
Don't let the man keep you down.


We demand a retrial of all People in Color currently serving a prison sentence for violent crime, by a jury of their peers in their community.  [medium.com]

'Racist' UCLA professor suspended, under police protection after refusing to delay final exams for black students.  Wrongspeak!