Hey, so we're about to end the Flying AIDS and we'll need something else. And we will not be disappointed: it's Hurricane season! On the bright side, you won't be confined to your house.... you'll be more likely to watch it float down the block.
My buddy's group at work got a new responsibility. People are talking about it.
The only small hitch is they don't know how to do it. She talks to her boss about training. Boss says, "yeah, that's a good idea."
I feel like my life has purpose. Occasionally you accomplish something so large, that you expect a parade. I expected one yesterday. Maybe it's just late... In another act of sheer sadism, work gave me an iDevice. I used to laugh when people told me that Apple and android are very different systems. I laughed.... until I picked up my mom's Apple. She wanted to send pictures to relatives. Since she can't take a picture, I tried. It's quite obvious that you hit the FLOWER button to attach a picture to a text. I was furious at myself for not knowing this. Meanwhile, my work phone sits there, requiring a lot of charging for a phone that's never used. I have 2 incoming work calls and 34 spam calls. And the small matter of it refusing to ring. I got it to blink loudly and madly, but no noise. Every few weeks I pick it up and try, with no new results. I've been all over the insides of it, but no joy. And then I discovered the switch on the side and tried it out. BINGO, it rang. Now wait a week and I'll be bitching because my work phone rings all the time. But seriously, folks, there's a difference between iDevices and androids.
- DON'T put one phone on top of another
- DON'T ask how I know
One of those ancient pagan-y things is someone gives you some sage and you burn it, asking for what you want. After something like 12 cars hit Mrs lefty, we saged the car and it's been great ever since. We just ask that it remain safe. It was like something from an Exorcist movie, where the black-cloaked dude waved the joint around the haunted house, so the ghost could get high too.
With the unprecedented number of Gravity Days (everything falls to the floor, jumps at you, follows people, etc), we are going to have to sage the house. I have no idea what's haunting it, but it has a wicked sense of humor. If you've read even 2 of these installments, you know that I am the only wicked sense of humor allowed in the house. I don't even know how to explain it; it would be much funnier as a sitcom.
I thought I'd be a good (semi)human and do the dishes (yeah, ok, if you want to get technical, it's my job). The first thing is removing the dry dishes from the drying rack. I reached to put something on a shelf and the entire contents of the shelf fell on me and the floor. We're building up quite the pile of broken stuff on the floor, where we're collecting it.
There's this white thing I washed. Oh yeah, it was a pill splitter for our beloved Marshall. What's in some pill splitters? The metal razorblade that I just impaled myself upon. The plastic cups weren't happy with the drying rack, so they also vacationed in the broken pile. In a shocking turn, they didn't break. Normally this would have caused my neighbors to get the popcorn and pull out chairs, for my impressive, high-volume English lesson. No idea how, but I cut it off. Maybe to spite the neighbors.
Into the office I went, where I tripped going in. I sat down on my uber-comfortable office chair, which sent me flying to the floor because it rolls around by itself. On the way out, I knocked over 2 phones and coffee. Then I kicked something on the floor, hurting my foot and to avoid it, threw myself into a large fan. My tripping and kicking talents do not end there. With a 4' walkway, I see a box, so I stay to one side. Then I kick the box. The box that I saw. After work I turned on the tv, which gave me Russian prompts. I've tripped over shoes that aren't on my feet. All wire, including hidden. One of my laptops has developed an overheating problem. It won't overheat while I'm near it, though. It waits til I'm at least 25' away. When this happened, it almost got a free ride to Russia, with the tv. So I need a new laptop.
My typing, among the worst on the planet, has gotten worse. Mrs lefty was knocked out by the speed. I pointed out that I was fast, but at least half of what I typed was wrong. Now I'm making the same mistakes 3 times. Or hitting the R 3 times, producing 3 different letters. Today the FBI shouldn't have allowed me near it because if I typed hello, it would come out as a threat.
Something fell or leaped from the fridge (at least it was cold), then the door didn't close. I have a brand new roll of clear tape and I'm absolutely terrified to pick it up.
Yeah, time to sage the mf-r.
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